by Miss Bliss

My foxy, fabulous friend, Karen, is going through a divorce and fuming about her soon-to-be ex-mother-in-law: “She must be so happy that her perfect little son is finally getting rid of the BISEXUAL.”

As a closeted married bisexual (well, closeted from my family) I was surprised, “She knew you were bisexual?”

“Of course! Just because I’m in a monogamous relationship with a man doesn’t mean I’ve stopped being bi. Getting married made it MORE important to be out.” Then Karen joked, ” I would’ve lost my street cred with my lesbian sisters. They already are disappointed that I chose the side of breeders.”

As I left our lunch, I felt down. To me, there was no reason to come out to my parents. I am in a wonderful fourteen year relationship with a man, and over those years, we’ve had lovers. Some of them my parents have met, but it never occurred to me to tell them we were sexually involved.

Why are so few bisexuals out? Why is it so difficult to find the active bisexual community that is around us?

Because bisexuals do not only challenge the homosexual/heterosexual categories, they also challenge commonly held beliefs about monogamy. I know that if I were a lesbian, in a lesbian relationship that was monogamous, my parents would have an easier time embracing my relationship, than if i explained to them my husband and I share lovers.

Yet, as I am driving away from Karen, I am forced to challenge my own fears of being a proud, out, married bisexual woman. I love my relationship, I love my fabulous, gorgeous, dynamic bi lovers, and I love the bi-community for fearlessly loving.

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January 1, 2008 at 2:44 pm
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Bliss Warrior » Blog Archive » OUT WITH THE STRAIGHT FRIENDS
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Anonymous October 20, 2007 at 9:54 pm

I feel you sistah. I’ve been with my wonderful boyfriend for 6 years and I don’t feel a need to “come out” as “bisexual” to my family. I’ve always been somewhat androgynous. I love boys clothing mixed with girls. Wasn’t too feminine growing up. (Just recently discovering my very femenine side. Exciting) I like to get dirty. More guy friends than girls etc. So if they had to guess if I would be with a girl, they would probably say yes. As for “coming out”… no need really. My sex isn’t their business.


just gigi December 2, 2007 at 7:20 pm

I have so many feelings about this topic. I totally feel everything you wrote. I feel like it is very hard(for me personally anyway) sometimes being bi. I don’t totally feel that I fit into either the straight or gay worlds. Yes I am also w/ a man now so it’s easy for me to “pass” yet I don’t identify w/ being straight obviously. I think it makes it more complicated in a way to be in a semi-open relationship b/c that is even less accepted. I feel there is already a stigma to being bi and that is the stereo-type that we’re just sleeping w/ everyone. I want to be proud of who I am yet I do feel some shame around this. I am not out to my whole family b/c I know they wouldn’t understand. I did come out to my mother who has since passed away when I was exclusively dating a woman and I am always grateful that I did. It was a very positive experience. And I have a cousin who I am out to who is also bi. But that’s about it. I am out to all my friends but even then not all of them know that I still have female lovers sometimes. Anyway, this is a very good topic and it’s very refreshing to see someone writing about issues that are so meaningful to me.


bliss warrior December 2, 2007 at 7:28 pm

a few years ago, i started going to bi support groups in los angeles, then later in new york. in LA, the groups are mixed gender and the overall vibe is tragic. i went there and felt like, i’m not one of these people. but instead of getting snobby or being sad that once again i hadn’t found that other sane bigirl who’s gotta be out there somewhere…. i started talking about why we should be proud of who we are. we love who we love because we connect with that person beyond gender. we love men better because we’ve loved women, as well. we love ourselves better because we see beyond the barriers of traditional relationships, and are trying to create better ways of having more intense relationships with our partners, where we can love as deeply as we know we are capable of loving.

in new york, a few years later, i attended a female-only bi support group. the women ranged in age from 20 to 65 and they were AMAZING. i couldn’t even talk the first time i went because i was so in love with their strength. i was shocked to hear about women who’ve been bi for decades. i cried when i left because for the first time i found a place with bigirls i admired.

and even later… a few words posted on a blog, words i had no idea if any of the “right” people would hear… connected me to you. and this morning i am delighted to have your fabulous self as my friend.

light and love to you, beauty. remember, you are not the only incredible, courageous, gorgeous, smart, sensitive, lovely bliss warrior out there. there are others, and we are finding each other!

bliss warrior


Just Gigi December 2, 2007 at 7:44 pm

oh thank you so much and right back at you! yeah i am so glad i found your blog and that you started it.

i actually have attended the bi groups in ny(at the center?). i went for awhile maybe 5 years ago. one of my friends that i got into it actually ended up taking over the group for awhile and then went on to start another group which was more for lesbians. but yeah at the time it really helped me a lot to come to terms w/ my sexuality. i think the meetings are somewhere else now or so i have heard. i’d like to go and check out the new ones someday though i have heard they’re not as good. do you still go?

hope your fabulous self is having fabulous day!xo



Miss Bliss December 2, 2007 at 7:45 pm

yes, i attended at the center. i recently went by there to sign up as a volunteer, and they said the bi women’s group was happening twice a month.

how wonderful that your friend led the group. the leaders are important. some have been a bit too flaky to lead a good discussion.

i haven’t had a chance to make it to a meeting yet, but when i do, i will give a full report.

i hope you are out enjoying this beautiful spring weather, beauty.



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