ASK MISS BLISS – HE DOESN’T BELIEVE I’M COMMITTED

by Miss Bliss

Dear Miss Bliss,

I am writing to you about a recent development concerning dating men as a bi-girl. I am dating a man and I was up front from the beginning about being bi. Later, we discussed how he actually felt about being intimate with me knowing that I am a bi-girl. He responds with the following statement: “I like you. I really like how we spend our time together: watching tv, smoking bowls, laughing, playing online poker, etc. I am, however, concerned that your being bi will be harder for me to actually come to grips with if we were really considering a relationship beyond what this two week encounter allows. I mean, what if you decide one morning all you want is women?”

“What?!” I explained to him, “I am bi, and I use this term because I like being with both men and women. BUT that doesn’t mean I like them both at the same time. I definitely am not straight one day and randomly lesbian the next. I like both men and women equally everyday. I handle each relationship/encounter/person one at a time. I only like women, one woman at a time, just like I only like to date one man at a time. Unless my cheater-armor becomes penetrated and flawed, you don’t have to worry.”

I am writing to you because I was curious to see what you thought.

Ciao,
Hopelessly Devoted Bi-Girl

Dearest Devoted Girl,

One of the stereotypes bi-women are struggling to overcome is the myth that they are unable to have committed relationships with one partner. According to Lisa Diamond, an associate professor of psychology and gender studies at the University of Utah, bisexual women are not only capable of having long-term committed relationships with one partner, but they are more likely to have longer-lasting relationships than their straight and lesbian sisters. (To read more about Ms. Diamond’s study, click here to read “Bisexuals Are No Longer Confused”.)

THERE IS NO “ONE-TYPE” OF BI-GIRL
Being bisexual is confusing to many straight and gay people. Negative stereotypes about bisexuals have been reinforced by the porn industry and the media through films like, “Basic Instinct”. According to them, female bisexuals are sex-crazed sluts who will “sleep with anything that moves” and, therefore, cannot be trusted to be committed partners (plus, in the case of film, they may just be insane killers on top of everything else). The truth, however, is there are many different ways to be bi. Some girls, like you, are interested in monogamous relationships with either a man or a woman. Some are in relationships but enjoy bringing long-term lovers into their connection. Others enjoy casual encounters with friends or acquaintances, while others are in open relationships where play remains outside of the primary relationship. There are even bi-girls who enjoy a combination of the above. The point is, as a bisexual community it is up to us to fight these negative stereotypes.

BEING BI IS CHOOSING LOVE BEFORE GENDER
Being bisexual is not about whom you are having sex with, it is about how you approach love. Bi women are open to love before gender. A bisexual girl will choose her partner based not on the sex organs they were born with, but on the spiritual, physical and emotional connection they share.

CONFRONT NEGATIVE STEREOTYPES ONE PERSON AT A TIME
Be gentle with your new love interest. Many people do not how wonderful, committed, communicative, loving, and thoughtful bi-girls are. They assume that all bisexuals are confused, dishonest, malicious, sex and drug-addicted swingers because that has been the primary way they have been portrayed by porn-makers and the media. The only way we can change negative stereotypes is by confronting them one at a time. I applaud you for choosing honesty in your relationships and for helping to teach one other person the truth about the bisexual community.

XOXOXOXOOX
BLISS WARRIOR
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IF YOU ENJOYED THIS BLOG, YOU MAY ENJOY READING:
BISEXUALS ARE NO LONGER CONFUSED
THERE IS NO “ONE-TYPE” OF BI-GIRL
BOYFRIENDS WHO CAN’T HANDLE BI-GIRLS
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COMING UP THIS WEEK ON BLISS WARRIOR:

TUESDAY: OUR GUEST BLOGGER, V., RETURNS WITH CHAPTER TWO OF “AND THEN THERE WERE TWO”. IF YOU MISSED THE FIRST CHAPTER, CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP.

THURSDAY: THE BEST OF THE HOTEL BLISS GUEST BLOG. HOTEL BLISS IS OPEN FOR TESTING AND ALREADY BI-GIRLS ARE SHARING THEIR EXPERIENCES, FEELINGS, AND TRUE STORIES. WE WILL HIGHLIGHT THE BEST BLOGS EACH WEEK HERE AT BLISS WARRIOR. I KNOW YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED.
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HOTEL BLISS TESTERS: WE THANK THE GIRLS WHO CONTINUE TO SIGN UP TO HELP TEST HOTEL BLISS – THE FIRST PRIVATE COMMUNITY SITE FOR BI-GIRLS AND THEIR GIRLFRIENDS. BY USING THE SITE, WE ARE MAKING SURE TO FIX ALL THE TECHNICAL ISSUES FOR A SUCCESSFUL PUBLIC LAUNCH THIS SUMMER. WANT TO BE A BI-PIONEER AND HELP BUILD OUR BLOSSOMING COMMUNITY? CLICK HERE TO APPLY TO BE A TESTER OR E-MAIL ME AT BLISS@BLISSWARRIOR.COM.
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{ 3 trackbacks }

Bliss Warrior » Blog Archive » ASK MISS BLISS - BI AND TIRED OF BEING PRESSURED INTO THREESOMES
November 13, 2008 at 9:37 am
ASK MISS BLISS - HOW DO I KNOW IF A GIRL LIKES ME?
June 8, 2009 at 9:25 pm
ASK MISS BLISS – HOW DO I TELL MY FRIENDS THAT MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
March 14, 2010 at 9:11 am

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

haven April 28, 2008 at 3:27 pm

hey girl- i’ve gone thru the whole, “oh your bi so that will be fun” to a guy also believing the later, “you won’t be able to commit”.

its hard for straight people to really understand that being bisexual doesn’t mean your a fickle creep! lol

one way i describe it, is that the soul of the person i am supposed to be with is in a man or a woman.. enjoyed SEPERATELY. this isn’t to imply that some bisexuals aren’t interested in being unfaithful however, this isn’t usually the case…

in my opinion :)

Reply

Amy Kathryn April 28, 2008 at 3:35 pm

Sexual orientation does not predetermine whether or not a person is trust worthy or monogamous and for a person to automatically assume that you are not trustworthy because you are bi-sexual is to assume incorrectly. Great blog! Keep it up!

Reply

Bad Broad April 29, 2008 at 5:23 pm

Thank you Bliss xo

Reply

danielle April 29, 2008 at 5:25 pm

I’ve been developing a lot and really figuring out who I am… In the last year, I’ve realized that not only am I bisexual(which I’ve known and stood by since I was sixteen), but that I’m polyamorous. It doesn’t work for everyone, and I’m putting a lot of work into my relationships to keep things going well, but that doesn’t make me a bad person.

I say the key is Communicate, communicate, communicate.

And be confident and proud of what you are. You don’t have to scream it from rooftops, but let people you care about know (that you’re bi, or poly, or whatever) so that they can be more educated… it makes all the difference!

Reply

Shanny April 29, 2008 at 5:26 pm

i hate the stereotype where a gy may assume that since i am bi that i will go off and randomly sleep with people OR get worried when another bi girl ( who’s just a friend) is hanging out with me. i tend to stay far away from those types of guys …only because i have little patience with people who insult my intelligence by thinking i’ll just cheat randomly/ don’t trust me.good points though, not every bi girl is alike… and it gets a bit old when people judge you to be this walking hornball waiting to jump any girl’s bones. so ANNOYING.

zillions of kudos…

Reply

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