LOVING GIRLS OF MANY SHAPES AND SIZES

by Miss Bliss

“It’s so strange that we have no idea of our own size or the space we actually fill. It’s so hard for us to see what others see.”

I am having lunch with a gorgeous baby bi-girl friend of mine in Hollywood. It is unusually cold – the June gloom came in May – and we are trying to warm up by sipping large bowls of soup. “Well, it’s especially easy to think you’re fat in L.A.”

“I know. When I’m in New York, I feel normal, and if I’m in South Dakota, it’s easy to feel thin…” She laughs and her blue eyes brighten the foggy afternoon. “But here in L.A., everyone is so determined to look like a stick on TV, it makes you feel crazy and huge.”

“You know,” she says with a tilt of her red hair, “when I lived in Seattle, I felt pretty darn good about my body. I never had issues with feeling fat. I liked who I was, but here…” Her words drift off and I nod.

“I’ve been trying to write a blog on why women should explore dating girls of all different body types, but I’ve had a hard time getting the right words out. When we feel fat, it’s because we are comparing ourselves to some stick-figure girl who has no breasts or butt but can fit into a size zero. As my man says, ‘Boy bodies can be fun once in awhile, but most men don’t want to spend their lives with just that.’ When he first said that to me, I thought he was crazy. I guess we are so used to seeing that body type in fashion and the media, we women get brainwashed and think that is what men want, when, in reality, men often prefer a soft, curvy, femme girl.”

“Is that true,” she asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, it wasn’t until we started having love affairs that I realized why men truly do appreciate the unique look of each woman’s body. Over many years, we have had the amazing honor of finding lovers that are taller, shorter, larger, curvier, thinner… And, with some of them, I felt like the ‘big’ girl, with others I felt like the ‘tiny’ girl, and sometimes, I would be surprised and delighted that the ‘tiny’ girl was actually my same size, even though I felt ‘bigger’.”

“It’s true that it’s really hard for us to see what others see.”

“There was something about being with a girl who would say, ‘Look at how fat my thighs are,’ and I would look at her and see beautiful legs. She wasn’t fat at all! Or the girl who’d complain about how flat chested she was when all I ever wanted was to be able to wear a tank-top without a bra. Moments like these helped me to question myself when my brain would go to those same dark places. By seeing the beauty in all types of women, I learned to see my own.”

She ponders this as she sips her soup, and I take a moment to feel gratitude for each and every woman whose unique beauty makes a dreary day sparkle.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
BLISS WARRIOR

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IF YOU ENJOYED THIS BLOG, YOU MAY WANT TO READ:
IS PRETTY LINGERIE JUST FOR GIRLS?
THANK GOODNESS FOR GIRLS WHO PLAY DRESS UP
THINK GORGEOUS, ATTRACT GORGEOUS
BETWEEN BOYFRIENDS, DATE GIRLS
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Bliss Warrior » Blog Archive » WHEN YOUR GUY FRIENDS FIND OUT
September 15, 2008 at 2:54 pm
THE JOY OF THREE-WAY PHONE SEX
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Julie May 12, 2008 at 1:54 pm

It is truly amazing how we really don’t see ourselves as others do, and we are almost always our harshest critics.

The media images of women’s bodies that surround us from oh-so-many angles, constantly, repetitively does no favors for our body images. Of course, that’s the point…to make us want something unattainable. It twists our minds up until we lose all concept of reality!
I know that I personally struggle not to compare myself to others or airbrushed images. I often need to tell myself that I am not fat, although my pants may feel tight, or my brain sees chunky thighs in the mirror.

Thank you for the gentle reminder that women are exquisite and beautiful in all shapes and sizes!

xoxo

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Danika May 12, 2008 at 1:54 pm

It is very hard in this day and age to feel beautiful when we have every media outlet telling us otherwise. In high school I was a healthy 145 on my 5’4 frame. I was fully of muscles and I had toned legs and arms. But to the cheerleaders in our school, I was considered fat and ugly. Which in turned cause me to have a distorted view of my body. No matter that all my friends were envious of my well defined shaply legs. Legs that when I wanted to show off in a cute mini skirt my mother would say I didn’t have the body to wear something like that, because I had a little tummy.

Now what I wouldn’t give to have that body back, to have the confidence that I have now in the body that I had in high school.

Alas, I have fifty more pounds, and six months to make it come true. To be fully happy in my own skin. Not because the media who wants stick thin models. But because that is what I find sexy, that is what my husband finds sexy. And that is who I know I am happy being.

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Brianne May 12, 2008 at 6:44 pm

Well said. So glad you found the words!

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itoshii na koi May 12, 2008 at 6:44 pm

I dated a girl who was 2 and 1/2 inches taller than me but wore the same size pants, on her my jeans looked great same jeans made me feel like i was frumpy. She never let me feel that way though, even at the very end as we parted ways she told me her only regret was that she wasn’t going to wake up to see me. When I was younger I didn’t appreciate how hot I actually was, now I don’t stop to let the bad thoughts come. Who knows how much time Ill have left with this beautiful soul to go with the face…

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b is for "brawler" May 13, 2008 at 8:18 am

It’s funny… When I think about how my body looks, I see a tall svelte young woman. When i look in the mirror… I tend to have a reality check, lol. There was a point when the only reason i never WENT to La was because I was afraid that I’d be “fat & ugly” in comparison. but then i realized that I was cutting off an entire region of Ca for a stupid reason!

After getting over myself, I went… and had a BLAST! What’s even better is that because I’m a size 12… i get EVERYTHING on sale b/c everyone is so small that they buy up all of the sizes that don’t fit me… HA!

Sure, from time to time I don’t feel my best… but my “size” tend to not be the cause. I just try to be self aware, and when I feel TOO unhealthy, to DO something about it.

When I was younger, like 15 maybe, I remember thinking I was hughley enormously “fat”. I was 5’7″ and 115 Lbs. It’s silly to think now that we call our selves “fat” even when we obviously are not. Now, at 6’1″ and 170-180 Lbs… I think I’m “dead sexy”! I have booty, and boobies (not required btw) and yes, the “padding” around my waist and thighs is most definitely there…. but I’d NEVER call myself “fat” seriously (but i joke a lot, lol). Now I understand that I do HAVE fat (we all do in different %)…. but Am I “fat”… hells nah!

When you want to Embrace the “softness” of your body… and someone else will too ;)

YAY for US!

Beka

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Sybille May 13, 2008 at 10:33 am

Through the years I have dated many shapes and sizes and can honestly say it was the confidence and attitiude of the woman that made me attracted or not attracted. If a woman is confident and happy with herself, takes pride in herself…then her size doesn’t really matter. And comparing ourselves to others? Grrrr…I have ad more than one girlfriend become incredibly self-conscious because of my build. But comparing ourselves to others instead of embracing exactly who we are and taking pride in that is detrimental to how we see ouselves. I know it is hard to just appreciate ourselves at times…so may I suggest the next time compliments you, just say thank you and not deflect it. I am guilty of it as well. Allow that moment to sink in and know we all are beautiful creatures and THANK GOD we don’t all look just alike. ;)

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