FROM TOMBOYS TO FAB FEMME GIRLS – TALES FROM TORONTO, PART 1

by Miss Bliss

“Growing up, I always felt more comfortable with the boys. I guess it’s no surprise I ended up being the only girl working with the tech guys in IT. They were so surprised I never said, ‘I can’t lift that – I’m a girl.’ I would just lift the box or the couch or whatever – do all the work the guys did – while still being the gorgeous girl you see here.” The lovely girl with a ponytail of long dark hair floating down her back smiles. She obviously knows the power many bi-girls have discovered: it is even easier to run with the boys when you are a confident, femme, brilliant girl who loves being a woman as much as she loves being equal to the men.

Seven women have come together for brunch on a bright, hot day in Toronto, Canada. A lovely girl named Harper, with short cropped ringlets and porcelain skin, has helped me organize the first International Bliss Brunch, and seven bi and bi-friendly women have come together for friendship, community and fun flirtation. “I definitely was a tomboy growing up. I always wanted to play with the boys and only had 1 or 2 really good girlfriends.”

“As I have gone around the US meeting bi-girls for brunch,” I say, “it’s been fascinating to see how many bi-women were tomboys growing up and felt that when they came into their bisexuality they also learned to enjoy being feminine for the first time.”

“I definitely was a tomboy growing up,” says a luminous auburn haired girl with blunt bangs that highlight her almond shaped eyes. “I mostly had guy friends growing up. But I may still be a tomboy. You’re lucky I put on mascara! That’s a lot of effort for me.”

“Oh my gosh,” says the fetching blonde next to me, decked out in an animal print dress trimmed with black lace, “I was such a tomboy! Always out playing sports with the boys. Then I went through a granola stage where I never shaved or anything. Can you imagine?” And it is hard to imagine, seeing her in a sharp fitted black jacket and sexy heels. “When I knew I loved women, everything changed. I suddenly loved being a girly-girl and all the things that come with being femme. Waxing, jewelry, lingerie, make-up – I love all of it now.”

The brunette sitting to my left has large, pretty eyes and a sharp, sexy presence. She muses, “I think that’s because girls can be so mean to each other. It made it easier to just play with the boys.”

Harper looks up brightly. “Absolutely. During college I decided to live with four other women in a house and at first, I thought, this is just going to be a house full of drama. But it ended up being great. All of the girls got along (well, except for two and that fight only started when I was about to move out.) The girls came up with quote boards that we hung on our own kitchen cabinet doors. You couldn’t write on your own quote board, but you could write on the all the other girls’ boards. To this day, I still have my quote board. It makes me so happy to read it and remember that women really can get along without being catty or mean to each other.”

The conversation moves away from the tomboy topic, but I quietly wonder about this pattern among bi-girls. So many of us felt growing up that we were the outsider to girls and chose to spend more time with boys because they were “easier”. Sometime later, each of us learned to embrace our femininity and our sexual desire for both men and women. Is the desire to have a female lover tied to these early feelings of separateness from girls? Does loving women help us to love ourselves? Does celebrating the beauty of the female form encourage us to celebrate our own girly beauty? Or, had we been accepted by the girls early on, would we desire female love in adulthood?

Let me know what you think. Were you a tomboy who grew up into a fab, femme, girly-girl? Share your story here.

XOXOXOXOXOOX
BLISS WARRIOR
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IF YOU ARE (WERE) A TOMBOY, YOU MAY ENJOY READING:
ASK MISS BLISS – A TOMBOY HANDLES JEALOUSY

IF YOU ENJOYED THIS BLOG, YOU MIGHT ENJOY READING STORIES FROM OTHER BLISS BRUNCHES:
GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE AND MAKE A BI-GIRL FRIEND
AN ODD PLACE TO MEET A BI-GIRL
THE STRANGE FOLKS ON CRAIGSLIST
THERE IS NO “ONE-TYPE” OF BI-GIRL
SHE’S A PERFECT GENTLEMAN AND SHE’S PACKIN’
I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE
MY MOM OUTED ME OVER THANKSGIVING DINNER
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COMING UP THIS WEEK ON BLISS WARRIOR:
TUESDAY - AND THEN THERE WERE TWO, PART III – Our guest blogger, V. returns with this true, serialized story of her, her man, and the female lover he introduced her to.
WEDNESDAY -
TALES FROM TORONTO, PART 2 – More stories from the first fantastic international Bliss Brunch
THURSDAY – THE BEST FROM THE HOTEL BLISS GUEST BLOG – Read what other bi-girls are writing!
FRIDAY - SPIN THE BOTTLE, PART 2 – Bliss brings you the second part of this Friday Night Bedtime Story.
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NEW FEATURES ON HOTEL BLISS:
Thanks to the hard work of the Hotel Bliss Team, you can now chat live in the Laundry Room!
Also, the Hotel Bliss Boutique will OPEN for sales and flirtation with artists this week!
The Penthouse has been upgraded. Now you will be notified when your pictures receive comments AND you can organize your photos into albums.
COMING SOON – The Basement. The place for your naughtier photos is almost done. Share that devilish side of yourself with your friends.
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{ 33 trackbacks }

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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Lacivia June 9, 2008 at 12:35 pm

Bliss,
Sounds fabulous can’t wait to hear more. I promise to get a blog up of NMbigirls brunch this week.

Now as for being a tomboy, ABSOLUTELY!! I only played with boys, wore jeans and my toys consisted of GI Joes, Cars, Planes and a dirt bike!!

It wasn’t until my first experience with a woman that I too started to embrace my girlie side. How fascinating it will be to learn of all the bi-women who were tomboy’s.

Reply

Danika June 9, 2008 at 1:55 pm

My oh my, I guess I’m just a conundrum! I LOVED dressing up when I was little, I loved putting on the fluffy dresses, with the cute little matching socks and the black patent mary janes. I was so excited on my first day of kindergarden. Happy with a big smile on my face, I wasn’t at all scared to step off the bus and meet all my new friends. Till the other kids made fun of me because I still dressed up even after that first day of school.
What those kids didn’t know is when I got home, I would run into my bedroom change out of my dressy clothes and into some ripped jeans and a boys shirt to go play in the dirt. After another day of coming home crying because the other kids were making fun of me and the teachers wouldn’t let me play because I was dressed up, my mom started sending me to school in my after school clothes, with my pretty dark curly hair in a pony tail.
It stuck and thats how I’ve dressed ever since. It’s comfy, but I still love to put on a cute little dress and sexy shoes, and straighten my hair.
I guess over the years I have mixed the two happily, I will be the only girl, in ripped jeans, a white t-shirt, barely there makeup, but still smelling super girly.
Then I’ll shock your socks off when I show up later that night hair down, flawless make up and smooth skin, ripped jeans and pony tail no where in site.

Love
Danika

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Simba: The Anime Angel June 9, 2008 at 1:56 pm

As I read this blog it hits me,”ah yes I am that girl,I had two bros and they were my world as was my Dad,but I had a handful of friends that I used to sleep in their beds and hang out with.Never thought of doin anything with them. I also used to play dress up for the gals at church,not the guys!!!
So this winter,when I met up with a wonderful and beautiful lesbian,it was like an awakening. Dressing up is a new found thrill,also jewelry and hair accessories.We both have fun playing dress the Simba girl(she dont dress up) Im having the time of my life being a girlie girl!!

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Mardhi June 9, 2008 at 1:56 pm

WOW! Talk about hitting home! I was a quite the hardcore feminist butchy kid growing up in my Asian family. But I credit a lot of that to growing up in such an oppressive type of situation, where I was expected to cook and clean because I’m a girl, and my brothers didn’t have to (I did NOT do the cooking and cleaning, I chose the spankings). I felt that I had to convince everyone that I’m not inferior in any way, so I totally butched out to be even tougher than any boys in my family. I played drums, I did all the “boy chores” – such as mowing the lawn, moving heavy objects, etc… and of course I only hung around boys because girls were “lame” and I’m “tougher than some whiney girl who cries all the time”.

Only after going away to college, I met other feminists and queers, and felt a little more comfortable in my skin. I enjoy many different looks and sides to my personality. I can be a total femme now, and I know I will always have the butch in me as well. I still don’t agree with society’s beauty standards, so while makeup and dress is fun and good times, I still keep my feminist body hair unless it’s either a paid gig, or I’m just bored with my look and want to see what I look like with no hair again – wherever on my body – but not in a “if I don’t shave, people will think I’m ugly or unacceptable” way – with all the fears that go with those thoughts.

I will NEVER agree with crippling fake nails, straightening Afro-hair, eye-opening surgeries for Asian grrls, breast implants, plastic surgery, and other body-mods that are connected to society beauty standards, and in my personal beliefs – embedded racism in beauty. Curves, dark skin, and thick and crazy hair are beautiful too. So are the many beautiful types of faces from around the world – big noses, wide noses, big lips, wide eyes, etc… We don’t need to copy magazine models to look beautiful. We can decorate what we already have and FLAUNT IT!!

For the most part, I consider myself a natural female – not really a high-maintenance femme, nor super-hard butch, but somewhere in the middle – a strong feminist drummer-grrl who likes to wear a mini-dress and makeup on stage, and ROCK IT – then go put on some jeans, tie my hair, and go hiking or camping.

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Laura Jane Joy Warrior June 9, 2008 at 1:57 pm

YES!! i am sooo a tomboy–always have been always will be–now divorced and single i sooo see it back out in me even more than ever–i never been girlie–i can be really sexy and hot and that kind of thang–DO NOT MISUNDERSTAND!! and in fact–i think we would all admit–sometimes tomboys can be way more sexy than a brainless girlie chick–ha ha–
i always have been more comfortable hanging with the boys–and always got them better than chicks–iin college my best friends were all girls who didn’t have sisters—only brothers–and is generally–but not always the case–with my female friends–right now i have maybe more female friends than ever–but not always as comfortable being ME as around guys–
i was a volunteer firefighter for 8 years and 1 year+ the only female–one of my still best friends patti and were both firemen JUST to use the tools (and sorry–i liked being called a fireman–because born in 64–the books i grew up with and mister rogers and captain kangaroo–well they all said FIREMAN! not firefighter or firewoman–so i aspired to be a fireman?!) anyway–
i could go on on this subject–for days probably–but not enough time–
but yeah–being a tomboy has gotten me–even still does in predicaments–because i forget to not get pissy with men twice my size and almost in true fights with assholes–
i only have owned make-up for the past year and half or so—and the same with getting my hair cut and colored and not doing new do’s to meself at home all the time–(and i look much better for my friend priscilla taking over) but she was very surprised when i was 41 or 42 and din’t own a lick of make up and had to be taught to apply it–i just get too dirty and wipe my hands on my face too much what can i say–WHITE IS NOT MY COLOR–
tshirts levis chuck taylors–and no underwear OR VERY SEXY UNDERWEAR under–or tshirts, tank tops, mini skirt or skort and flip flops–although a hippy skirt is handy and not too untomboy like–i DO like sexy underwear–who doesn’t??!!
i got kicked off all the girls basketball leagues in my youth–too aggressive to play with the chicks after always hanging with boys–
i cuss worse than a sailor–i don’t even notice that i tell raunchy stories and talk too loud–and i always point out the hot chicks to the guys way way before i admitted WHO I WAS and HOW I FELT about hot girls!!
and i like to cook for guys–big groups of guys eating –all their faces happy–that always has worked for me as a tomboy too–cuz i am scrappy but not the most athletically inclined person–and also very non-competitive tomboy–
okay–lets all make a mud puddle play date! xoxoxo

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Bella Morte June 9, 2008 at 5:08 pm

Wow, my comment seems to be an amalgam of the previous ones. Mom had a helluva time getting me out of jeans, t-shirts and boots while I lived at home. I did not really start dressing “girly” til I was in my mid 20′s. I always had more guy friends than girl friends. I always knew I was bi though; just did not know the “name” for what i was feeling. I knew as young as 9 yrs old that I was attracted to girls more than boys. My first crush was Sandahl Bergman in Conan. Arnold was ok, but I liked her better. Had no clue what the feelings I had meant, but they were there. I was more apt to be found playing football, up in a tree or playing with dad’s tools than playing with dolls.
Only in the last 10 years or so have I been embracing my feminine side. You’ll still most likely find me in jeans and t-shirts, but I love getting dressed up in my Victorian styles and shocking people who don’t recognize me.
Yeah, I like to think I’ve finally found the perfect balance: can hold my own with the boys during the day, then make them drool at night.
Thanks again Bliss for showing the world that women can be boyish and still have a sexy, femine side.

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Laura Jane Joy Warrior June 9, 2008 at 6:33 pm

i do have to admit–never felt BUTCH though either–even when my hair was all the way short as can be at 20 30 and 40 –or even when i played the TUBA in marching band?! or whatver–so there must be some girlie in me–the part that loves the mini skirts–crazy high heels–my dance pole–loungerie–the sexy photos or naked photos of me–
hmmmmmmm–now you really got me lingering thinking on this topic–i think it VERY interesting!! (back to one of my blogs with the statistics of the ratio where i live male to female etc) hmmmmm…..

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katie and wes June 9, 2008 at 6:34 pm

I feel exactly the same way as these lovely creature from canada. I was a tomboy, recently come into my bi-sexuality. now i have ditched my glasses for contacts, i’m wearing make-up, i’m dreesing better. i love my huband and he loves the way i look and always has, but that never never pushed me to improve the way i looked. but girls like girls that look nice and that look like they take care of themselves. so getting in touch with your femme side is necessary if you want the attentions of a beautiful little something.

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Jenn June 9, 2008 at 6:38 pm

Wow, that is me to the T. I was a major tomboy growing up but now I love love love being feminine because that is what I love about women… But I’m very much so still one of the guys, I just don’t look it. :) Love all the blogs you post. Keep it, lovely.

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Laura Jane Joy Warrior June 10, 2008 at 10:42 am

i have still been thinking on this topic all night and monring–looked in my closet–and at the clothes i bought just yesterday–and i guess that i am frillier–skirtier–many more sexy tops–yes–just didn’t notice the changes in my wardrobe until you all brought this up and i been so unpacking and looking at what i got–and i guess that last year i got giddy excited when i bought two cool betsey johnson drresses at a thrift store in vermont for cheap and they fit like gloves and no place (but home-) so far–to wear them–but damn i was proud–
okay BLISS WARRIOR–you blissful thing– you are right on to something once again!!cheers!! xoxoxoxo

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michelle June 11, 2008 at 1:00 pm

Indeed. I was the tomboy growing up. My first girl love was also a tomboy. Our other friend, who competed w/ me to be my girl’s best gf, tried to embarrass me for the way I dressed in seventh grade. She started a rumor that I was fat under those big shirts and baggy jeans I wore. She left twinkies on my desk and nicknamed me Mitchell. The boy name for Michelle. I knew I wasn’t fat so I ate the yummy twinkies. I went home and told my mom to take me to get the girliest outfit I could find. She did. I went to school the next day w/ a belly shirt on, makeup, and cute shoes. I got out of mom’s car to join the group of kids waiting for the morning bell to ring and their jaws DROPPED. That’s right! Get a good look, cause tomorrow I’m back to grunge and you all can kiss my tiny ass. Where’s my twinkie? My rival could barely look at me. I got compliments all day long and a boy asked me to be his gf. I turned him down and went back to be being Mitchell the next day. The name stuck and those same gf’s at home, still call me that. I loved my comfort. I didn’t like to get my nice clothes dirty and I didn’t like the time it took in the morning to paint my face. I’d rather sleep more.

Now, especially now that I love femme girls so much, I work it! I paint up and dress up and put the heels on and wear the lingerie and feel absolutely stunning. I have been discovering my girly girl side and am in love with it. It feels just as good and comfortable as my dirty jeans and flip flops. I love rocking both the girl and the boy side of life. I have bisexuality to thank for all this goodness!
xoxox, Michelle

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