ASK MISS BLISS – SHE LEAVES ME TONGUE-TIED

by Miss Bliss

Dear Miss Bliss,

I thought I would ask you a question about the girl I am seeing. Michelle and I have been together since February and I still am very quiet with her. Naturally, I am a pretty laid back gal that isn’t the most talkative person in the bunch but I have NEVER been so quiet with someone…ever.

I think part of the problem is because Michelle is the first girl I have ever dated and is sooo beautiful. Every time I see her, my mouth drops and I get nervous and start stumbling over my words. I want to tell Michelle everything that’s on my mind but I don’t know how to get myself to do it. When I am with her, all I can think about is that my life is boring and I have nothing exciting to say. Or, if I do have something to say, I figure she will think that I’m weird and random for bringing it up.

I feel if I continue to be quiet Michelle will lose interest or she’ll think that I have my guard up. Thanks for listening!

XOXOXOXO
Tongue-Tied Girl

Dear Tongue-Tied Girl,

Congratulations on finding a beautiful girl who you adore. To be together for seven months is quite an accomplishment and you should feel very proud of your connection.

FIRST LOVE CAN TURN A MOTOR MOUTH MUTE
The good news is your situation is not uncommon. Your whole self has been shaken to the core because the unbelievable has happened: the beautiful girl likes you. Shocked that someone so pretty and charming wants to spend time with you (even though I am certain in her eyes, you are the gorgeous and witty one) you suddenly find yourself unable to say a word in her presence. Nervous, unusually quiet, and conversationally clumsy, you wonder why your mind has abandoned you. Well, darling, you are enjoying the complex side effects of first love that everyone must experience eventually. Luckily, I have a few tips that will help loosen up your conversation skills.

#1 KEEP EYE CONTACT WITH HER WHILE SHE IS TALKING
When you are self-conscious during a date, you are listening to that small, critical voice in your head and ignoring the sexy voice of the pretty girl across from you. To get out of your head and focus on her, take a moment to make sure you are looking her in the eyes when she is talking. Eye contact gets you out of your head and makes her feel “heard” as she talks. Words can only express so much; eyes express feeling. If you cannot say to her how beautiful she is with words, say it with your eyes.

#2 ASK HER QUESTIONS ABOUT HER
Studies have shown that the best conversationalists are the best listeners. Humans love to talk about themselves. Haven’t you been out with a friend and been shocked that over an hour and a half lunch she only talked about herself? If you ask your girl questions about her life, her past, her week and her thoughts, she will think you both had a great “conversation” and will feel closer to you even if you did not really talk about yourself. If she is the right girl for you, she will learn from you and begin asking you questions about your life.

#3 INVITE HER OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS
If you feel like you cannot be yourself around her, invite her out with your best friends (if they do not know you are bi, ask her if she’d like to come out as your “friend” – sometimes, it’s a real riot to be around your friends with your lover. You get to enjoy your secret flirtation.) When you are with your friends, you can be your truest, most confident self and see how much that delights your girlfriend. After a fun night out with the “real” and relaxed version of you, it will be easier to be the same girl with her on dates.

#4 BE PATIENT AND LOVING TO YOURSELF
Remember that your intense feelings are causing you to feel tongue-tied. Be kind to yourself and remember that everyone feels awkward when they first fall in love. The more you love yourself and remind yourself that this girl already adores you, the more you can enjoy being the magical girl you are.

XOXOXOOXXO
BLISS WARRIOR
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GOT A QUESTION FOR ASK MISS BLISS? E-MAIL ME AT BLISS@BLISSWARRIOR.COM
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THIS SATURDAY, BRUNCH WITH BLISS WARRIOR IN SAN DIEGO. ALREADY, 15 GIRLS ARE ATTENDING. YOU DO NOT WANT TO MISS THIS IF YOU ARE IN SAN DIEGO.
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NEXT SATURDAY, AUGUST 2ND AT NOON, BLISS WARRIOR IS HOSTING HER FIRST BRUNCH IN THE CAPITOL HILL AREA IN SEATTLE. E-MAIL ME AT BLISS@BLISSWARRIOR.COM IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN ATTENDING.
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Simba: The Anime Angel July 28, 2008 at 7:50 am

My gosh,this couldnt have come at a better time I just went out on a date with a gal,I worked with 3 years ago,I liked her then and I discovered her on Myspace,single.So I contacted her and we decided to date and see where it led… Nervous as hell,we talked and held hands across the table,after the waitress picked up the pizza and the plates at the Pizzeria we chose.Then we went out to the race track the following evening,she was so quiet,I could talk the ears off of anyone,but I didnt know how much she wanted to hear,of me. Now we have more plans but were not jumping too quick,going slow and easy. I think were gonna make something happen,in time. But for now,friendship comes first!!!
Thanks for the points to ponder!!
Simba

Reply

Britney July 28, 2008 at 7:51 am

Great advice as always…

xoxo

Reply

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