WHEN YOUR GUY FRIENDS FIND OUT

by Miss Bliss

Last November, I posted a blog entitled, “When Your Straight Friends Find Out” which discussed the four most common reactions girls have when you come out as bisexual.  But your male friends also react in all sorts of ways when they find out you are bi.   Here’s a list of the seven most common male reactions and tips to help you know how to respond.

UNFORTUNATE THINGS MALE FRIENDS MAY SAY WHEN THEY DISCOVER YOU ARE BISEXUAL:

1.  WHEN CAN I JOIN IN?
Unlike girls, when your guy friends find out you are bi, the first question they may ask is, “When can I join in?”  Sadly, the ugly myths of bisexual promiscuity can make very nice guys say very lame things.  Even worse and more likely, they may ask your man this question rather than ask you, as many guys feel it is more socially appropriate to get your guy’s “permission” first.

2.  WHEN DOES THE ORGY START?
Like many very straight people, very straight men automatically associate bisexuality with swingers and group sex.   This can lead to some awkward situations if a male friend knows you are bi.  Some men assume if you are bisexual, every party you throw (or attend) will end in a big orgy.  Nothing is more awkward than bringing your guy friend to a party only to have him keep asking you, “When do people start taking off their clothes?”    Don’t worry, though.  If he’s a good friend, he’ll learn that even bisexuals attend parties that don’t end in orgies.

3.  THAT’S GREAT, JUST DON’T BE BI AROUND ME
Just because your friend is a guy does not necessarily make him sexually open or accepting.  If he is sexually uptight, he may “understand” you are bi, but never want to hear about it.  In fact, he can become judgmental, tense, and wary and not be able to act “normal” around you for awhile.  Sometimes, Puritanical attitudes can even end the friendship.  If this happens, remember that anyone willing to end a relationship after knowing who you truly are is not a real friend and you may be better off without that person in your life.

4.  WHEN CAN I MEET YOUR FRIENDS?
Guys are optimists and assume if you are bi, that all of your girlfriends are bi, too.   You may be lucky like me and have a large number of bi-girl friends.  This does not mean that your guy friend is the right guy to date any of them.  Many guys want a bi-girl for a sexual playmate, not a relationship.  Be careful and NEVER hook up one of your male friends with a bi friend unless he is a true gentleman.  If he is a potential user, make sure to tell him why you will not introduce him to your friends.  He may just learn how to respect bi women.

5.  CAN YOU TALK TO MY GIRLFRIEND FOR ME?
Guys may pressure you to try to talk their girlfriend into “becoming” bi.  This is absolutely offensive and you can tell them that.  If his girlfriend wants to get to know you, become your friend, and then asks you about bisexuality, that is one thing.  But it is not your job to talk any girl into “turning” bi for a man.  Tell him if she wants to call you, you would be open to talking to her about sexuality, but you are not going to instigate that conversation.

6.   SO WHEN ARE WE GOING TO HOOK UP?
Some guys assume if you are bi, that you will sleep with anything that moves.  Therefore, the reason you are sharing your bisexuality is because you want to sleep with him.  Educate your friends and let them know that bisexuals can be monogamous; even if they are not, they are incredibly picky and not to be confused with an easy mark.

7.  IF YOU’RE BI, I CAN SAY WHATEVER RUDE SEX THOUGHT COMES INTO MY HEAD

Unfortunately, some male friends see sexual openness as a sign that they can make inappropriate comments to you.   This can be anything from crude jokes about sex or lesbians to rude statements about your personal life.  They also may believe that knowing you are bi gives them permission to ask your man to share details.  If a male friend is crude to you, make sure to say something and help him learn this behavior is unacceptable.  Being bisexual and honest about it does not mean that others have the right to vulgarity.

The good news is you select the friends around you, so if you are lucky, your male friends will become closer to you when they know you are bi.  They may relate to you better because you both love women.  After you have dated a girl, you can feel for guys because you know first-hand how crazy women can be.  Wonderful too, but you know what I mean.  And, hey, what’s more fun than celebrating beautiful women with your best guy friends?

XOXOXOXOXO
BLISS WARRIOR
*********************************************************************************************
IF YOU ENJOYED READING THIS BLOG, YOU MAY ENJOY READING:
LOVING GIRLS OF MANY SHAPES AND SIZES
OUT WITH THE STRAIGHT FRIENDS
WHEN YOU’RE STRAIGHT FRIENDS FIND OUT
THE HETEROSEXUAL CLOAKING DEVICE
BOYFRIENDS WHO CAN’T HANDLE BI-GIRLS
BI FROM BIRTH? OR, MY BARBIE’S SEXUALLY DEVIANT
*********************************************************************************************

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Christina September 15, 2008 at 3:02 pm

I LOVED this one!! thx so much for sharing. It’s all so true!! Hope all is well with you Bliss!! Keep up the amazing work! ;)

Reply

Danika September 15, 2008 at 3:02 pm

wait not all parties end in a drunken orgy?!?!?!

LMAO.

I loved that point, cause its so true! Some of my guy friends assume that when I invite them to go to a party its all sex and drinking.

Reply

Lawdog September 15, 2008 at 3:03 pm

My preference is for lesbians who are closet bisexuals.

Reply

Revolution September 15, 2008 at 3:03 pm

” THAT’S GREAT, JUST DON’T BE BI AROUND ME”

It’s hard for me to see a guy saying that, unless of course he just doesn’t want to picture you sexually active in the first place, in which case he wouldn’t want you being actively straight around him either. It seems to be a non-point to me.

Otherwise, great read.

Reply

Amtrak to Hell September 15, 2008 at 3:04 pm

ALL chicks are bi. It’s the natural way of things….

Reply

Revolution September 15, 2008 at 3:17 pm

Ah, amtrak, the hopelessly optimistic.

Reply

Siren September 15, 2008 at 9:47 pm

Thank you for your articles Bliss girl! I really appreciate your candidness and humor. I also loved the one about threesomes and unicorns! WOW that one was sooooo perfect and I wish there was a unicorn feild because it is sooooo hard to find women like me who love threesomes and will share in a polyamorous way…NOT a swinger way but a true relationship-
thanks for your constant wisdom and light!

xo

Reply

Simba September 17, 2008 at 5:13 pm

Oh how so very true,since Ive come out of the closet all of my friends mostly guys have commented quite a bit.My favorite is,”Thanks for the visual” J. said this as I was leaving his house. I knew what he meant,cause his wife is so straight and knowing I like being with ladies. He enjoys seeing me flirting with his wife,What fun!She even enjoys it,but I dont think shed ever act on it.

Reply

michelle September 18, 2008 at 2:06 pm

You make me laugh.

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: