by Miss Bliss

“I finally wrote a blog that the straight girls hated.  I always post my blogs in a couple of places – on my commercial site, myspace and this site, thisisby, for writers.  As far as I can tell, the writer site is just straight folks, and because they are writers, they can be a bit snobby at times.  I rarely get comments on any of my posts that deal with bisexuality (they like the blogs about vegetarianism) and if I do, it’s usually men who write.  But after I posted my last blog, tons of comments from straight girls started flooding in and they were devastating.  They didn’t just hate the post, they hated me.”

“What did you write about that got them so upset,” asks my luminous redheaded friend, Amanda.

“It was her post on can group sex get your guy to clean the house,” says Karin.  I had emailed Karin a few days before when the negative comments started pouring in and she helped pull me out of a potential depression with a supportive email.

“What did they say,” Amanda asks.

“Well, I made the mistake of adding the sub-header, ‘A New Feminism’, to the post.  The straight girls did NOT like that.  They said things like, ‘This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever read,’ ‘You would still have to ASK him to clean if a lover was coming over so this is not feminism,’ ‘you’re manipulating other women and that’s not feminist,’ and many more comments agreeing that my blog post was the most ridiculous and inane thing they had ever read.”

“Oh, honey,” Amanda says.

“The morning the comments started rolling in, I was devastated.  There’s nothing worse than waking up, turning on your computer and then BAM!  Hate pours out of the computer.  I thought it was just a funny little light post.  I had no idea the straight girls would get so upset.”

“Something in your post really threatened them,” says Karin, and a dark curl falls elegantly over one eye.

“I guess so,” I say as I sip my tea cooler.  “The good side of all of this is it made me realize how safe the Bliss Warrior community has made me feel.  When I first started this blog, I was very careful of the words I chose and how I described being bi because I wanted straight readers to feel unthreatened.  After a year and a half of writing and having readers support the work, I forgot how vulnerable we bi-girls really are.  The community made me feel protected and safe.”

“We aren’t safe,” says Karin.

“No,” I say.  “But it is easier to expose ourselves when we have good friends who understand and can help us when we feel attacked.  That is why I created this blog, so each day we could feel a little safer to be our true selves.  That’s why all the negative comments I now see as a good thing.  For the first time ever, I freaked out the straight girls and the experience reminded me to feel so much gratitude for the Bliss Warrior community.”

Our conversation moves away from the blog, and as I sip my tea in the Autumn sun, I am also grateful for the two beautiful bi friends I have made because of Bliss Warrior.  I silently remind myself what a gift it is to belong to a community who loves you for who you are and supports you when the outside world is against you.


{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

shannon October 7, 2008 at 9:50 am

At first I was so happy to find solice in your blogs on myspace and it felt safe for a time, but then other’s would critisize me for having you and your column on my tops list on myspace. It was just downright annoying and felt intrusive.

When you jumpstarted your site, it felt like a safe home for all us displaced ones who still struggle and still needs a cructh to stand on proudly. I admired your sheer honesty and bold approach. You speak for those who feel as if they can’t, help encourage us, entertain, and aided in lifting our voices ..to be no longer afraid. It aches in my heart and it is so bittersweet for me to know that you and your blogs played a great deal in helping me grow and flourish. I can’t wait to finally shake your hand and give you a big hug! : 0 )


Kimberley October 7, 2008 at 9:51 am

Oh Sweetheart, I read that blog and I chuckled. I thought it was “light-hearted” but also there is some truth to it. That’s what made me chuckle. MEN giving a bit more effort in certain situations. I am sorry that you have received such negative opinions in regards to that blog. There is a large group of straight females that when using “Feminism+Bi+Group Sex” sends them directly into that aggressive arena. They for one are misinformed and umm ignorant (sorry).

My friends largely consist of those straight females and do you know what? At times, our discussions will wander into that area “Sex and Household Chores” minus the third partner. We all chuckle because there is some truth to it. Why in the heck would adding a third partner change that opinion.

This is a wonderful place and I have always felt like well “home”. Able to kick off my shoes and relaxing. I can be me. I thank you for your honestly, respect, and grace at handling such difficult topics at times. I am certain most here would agree.

“Ignorance is the night of the mind, but a night without moon or star” ~ Confucius


miss mandie mae October 7, 2008 at 9:51 am

Luved the blog. I thought it was funny and true.
To affect anyone with your writing is a blessing. Good for you to have such an outlet.
Miss Mandie Mae


L. October 7, 2008 at 9:52 am

My love and support pour out to you! Thank you for doing all that you do!!



Sybaritic October 7, 2008 at 9:56 am

Bliss, darling!

I was so sad to hear you have become prey to so much hate over the internet!

First, let me tell you that I read the blog about group sex and I loved it! You were so right – every time my man and I have another girl over, whether it be a simple date or something more serious, he is all over that house like he’s getting paid the big bucks to do it! Your blog was whitty, adorable and rang true to the bi-girls with men who read your blog religiously.

Secondly – darling, I don’t know what to say. You poor thing, I know you must be so hurt by the fact that these silly, selfish girls are saying such hurtful things about YOU simply because they don’t feel as liberated or as comfortable discussing such matters as yourself. It’s not fair, especially after all the wonderful work you have done…

As you mentioned in your blog, you are responsible for the community your hotel has helped create, and now that it’s established – we are all here for you. Alone, we bi-girls are vulnerable and fragile yet beautiful creatures. Together, we are beautiful and STRONG! Don’t stop what you’re doing just because some silly girls decided to be offended by such a small thing. Grr. I’m so upset about this, I’m hardly articulate. Sorry if my email does not make much sense!

I don’t know what else to say, other than I’m sorry you’ve been hurt and had to be subject to that, and it isn’t fair. You are wonderful and we all love you, Bliss!




BiNet USA October 7, 2008 at 2:59 pm

“The morning the comments started rolling in, I was devastated. There’s nothing worse than waking up, turning on your computer and then BAM! Hate pours out of the computer. I thought it was just a funny little light post. I had no idea the straight girls would get so upset.”

Much sympathy, empathy and hugs.

We go thru that too when we venture outside of the confines of the Bisexual Community (like when we post Bisexual & Pansexual news and events in general populating or “mainstream” LGBT” places). And sometimes even when we talk about things that are not PC within our Community (she says wearily after 500+ replies of varying acceptance or ferocity when we participated in what we THOUGHT was a light-hearted 3-way post with the Bi Political group Bialogue and UK’s BiMedia about Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” song).

But no matter what, keep on posting.

People have to learn that there are others than them and their little clique in the world. And also (and I know you known this) sometime later someone will shyly join here or send you one of “those” notes, saying “thank you so much for being there . . . I thought I was the only one . . . ”

XXX OOO from BiNet USA


Sybille October 7, 2008 at 2:59 pm

when such a reaction is stirred, typically it is because there is more truth to it than some like to admit…couple of examples? 1)a very high percentage of gay bashers are gay bashers because they are uncomfortable with their own sexuality and angry or unsettled with themselves, so they take it out on those gays who are openly “gay” 2)a cheating spouse with a guilty conscious will sometimes accuse their significant other of cheating to try to turn away scrutiny of their own actions

you struck a nerve which is not necessarily a bad thing…is means people ARE reading your work AND it means they are thinking about it and affected by it. Hopefully some of those who reacted so strongly will start to think a little more and try to figure out why they couldn’t just “blow it off” and laugh about it and did take it so personally. As I see it, if you make even one person take a closer look at herself and become more aware? You are doing exactly what you set out to do…And love, you will always have a safe haven, you are adored and respected by many. Let the other BS roll off your back. *hugs*


Chelle October 7, 2008 at 2:59 pm

It is sad to hear that people have to act like that. They feel that adding hate or having anger at someone that has a different opnion or life options is the wayt to go.

I have always loved reading your blogs.
I loved the blog and have actually found that to be very true, oh boy does he clean when have a “friend” coming over.

You are the best and I wish you a beautiful day!


Blue October 7, 2008 at 3:00 pm

I often joke that I’m a CERTIFIED FEMINIST. . .I was the first person to get a Bachelor’s Degree in Women’s Studies at the University I attended. So I’m going to claim that title and put on my glasses and speak as a Feminist Scholar. . .if I can do that in a corset and maintain any kind of credibility, that is. . .

Some people get so wrapped up in looking for offenses that they forget everything else. And some feminists will rant and rave about sexism and mistreatment instead of going out there and just being fabulous women. Yes, we face certain issues simply because we were born with a lovely pair of matching chromosomes. So be it. . .play the hand you are dealt and don’t let anyone use who you are as a justification for keeping you down.

Sadly, they aren’t being activists so much as showing that they haven’t been paying attention to you at all. Anyone who’s read your blog more than once knows exactly what you were doing with that blog. In my mind, you are one of the most amazing feminists I’ve ever met. Right up there with Marilyn Monroe and Bette Davis.

Kisses and a thousand Kudos, darling!


Bella October 7, 2008 at 3:00 pm

Oh, Darling! I’m so sorry! Speaking as one of the lucky who were in on the chat when you brought up that topic, it would have never occurred to me that this would happen.

Take Courage, love! Be EnCouraged!
You are beautiful and you know you are following the right path, so let the haters hate on.



Cristina October 7, 2008 at 3:01 pm

In my version of reality, these straight girls are scared that bi-women might ‘take away their man,’ because bi-chicks are more ‘fun.’

Gay/Bi-bashing is never fun. You are an inspiration to so many. That is what you need to keep in mind. You make so many of us better, because you make so many of us believe in ourselves and not be ashamed of our sexuality.

To me, you are a hero. The straight girls just don’t get it, and never will, because they don’t get labled like bi-chicks do. You have the confidence in your way of thinking and in your sexuality that some of us pray for. I’m sorry that you had to go through this.


Infamous Trish October 7, 2008 at 3:01 pm

what’s the expression? “Fuck em’ if they can’t take a joke!! I look forward to your posts, and remember there are so many more people who love you than hate you!!


Infamous Trish


Stephy October 7, 2008 at 3:02 pm

my question is why they read in the first place if they are going to get offended? It just sounds like a lot of people are just reading material they know they wont like. Personally I find your writing to be fun and very magazine writing style, which is totally fun!


r. October 7, 2008 at 3:07 pm

Dear Miss Bliss,

I think that is so inconsiderate of the women who wrote you with the nasty emails about your blog. I am a member of your website and read the same little story that they did, but I found it to be wonderful and thought-provoking. I think it is unfortunate that people feel the need to attack ideas that they don’t agree with.

You are a well-versed and intelligent woman who has obviously stirred up a lot with your pioneering sexual liberation in society AND privacy for bisexual women everywhere. My only advice to you, which I’m sure you know, is that you know you’re delving into important and personal territory when people start a ruckus, and you should keep going. People need to be introduced to new ways of thinking in order to evolve and think critically about their own lives. Just because you made commentary on group sex doesn’t mean you’re pushing for everybody to do it all the time. You’re just planting a seed to inspire self exploration.

I’m thankful that you are a thoughtful and emotional and interested woman. It seems like there aren’t too many ladies out there who are trying to make such waves (in a good way) for sex positive lifestyles. Bliss Hotel has been a great community for me and obviously the other girls too. And it wouldn’t be that way without you.

Thanks for all the hard work you do,


Ellie October 7, 2008 at 4:08 pm

I’m so glad for the supportive community that you have created here and that *you* have a place to feel safe sharing your thoughts.


Ilari October 8, 2008 at 11:26 am

I love what you have to say, even if it sometimes doesn’t ring true for my life, but who cares, we all have our own lives, our own limits, beliefs etc…
Tolerance and acceptance is key!!!
As for the “straight girls” throwing a hissy and being venomous…my first question would be Why are they reading postings directed to a community that is not “theirs” so to speak???
Pay it no attention my dear, to many people in this world spend their time looking for someone to be mad at, you just struck a chord that time.



Westchester Bisexual Group October 8, 2008 at 11:26 am

I was in a reading of “Vagina Monologues” that The LOFT gave. After weeks of rehearsals in a LGBT support center, saying every word that means vagina over and over out loud in public, the whole concept seemed so natural to me that when we were thinking of food for the cast party, popping over to ask the nice woman who runs the bakery on the next block, who is capable of incredible decorations, to make a cake with a vulva on top, seemed quite natural to me. Well, talking about going from one cozy little world to another ….. I haven’t been back to that bakery since, and that was three years ago.

But all I can say, as a bisexual who used to think she was the only bisexual in the world, is that it is actually AWESOME to have this cozy sense of a bisexual community, and you are a big part of why it is here. Thank you, Miss Bliss :)


aundrea October 8, 2008 at 11:27 am

Blog away my dear! If they don’t like it, they should not read it. I love your blogs, everyone has opinions, and almost everyone thinks they should be known. That doesn’t mean that you should adopt their opinions. True Bi Bliss readers, love your blogs, I know I do. :) Kisses.


Jeanne October 8, 2008 at 11:28 am

Oh sweetness, I am feeling for you. The blog, when I read it was absolutely hysterical. And being in the business of comedy I thought very clever and intuitive and truthful. These ladies need to lighten up and not take themselves so damn seriously. You’re gonna tell me that the straight girl has never manipulated with her straight girlfriend to get her man to take them both to dinner. Then they both tease him and play with him… Oh please. These straight ladies need to check themselves, before casting any stones!!! Not only that, when their mother is coming over, I’m sure the straight woman freaks out, manipulating hubby or lover, in so many sexy ways, to clean up for mom, no??? A little healthy inspiration, of having anyone over to the house, lover or not, can be so so much fun. Instead of arguing, who’s gonna clean this week??? Give Bliss a break already. Feminist or not, we all need a clean tub!!!


jungle jane October 9, 2008 at 2:10 pm

See?!?!? We all love you and what you’re doing. Don’t let the straights fuck w/ your emotions. It should be a compliment. You obviously struck a chord. Your writing evoked emotions, as it always does for us beautiful b girls. It’s our duty to get the straights to bend even if we break them. xoxoxoox


The Butterfly Temptress October 13, 2008 at 6:35 am

That is too funny. If they didn’t like it, why did they read it or leave a comment? If it was something they felt strongly about and had a genuine opinion about they would have written a post about it on their own site. Probably.

Then again maybe they just like drama. Maybe they are insecure and unsure of their place or their relationships. Maybe they want what we have that makes them feel like they are missing out on something.

Either way, I liked your post. I thought it was funny but so true!



Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: