ASK MISS BLISS: HOW SHOULD A UNICORN APPROACH AN ATTRACTIVE COUPLE?

by Miss Bliss

Dear Miss Bliss,

I recently became an advocate of the third party, that is, what I’ve heard referred to as being “The Unicorn.”  It began as a casual friendship and as time progressed my soon-to-be lady lover mentioned her and her boyfriend’s desire to have a threesome.  Not quite comfortable with my bisexuality let alone the company of three, I hesitated.  Shortly thereafter I became intimate with her and not him.  I found myself lucky to be involved with a very healthy couple who discussed everything.  She got permission to be alone with me and the rest was history.  After a few months of lady love, the perfect night came along when all participated.

Sadly, I’ll be moving to another state in the near future, parting from my dearly beloveds.  I’m excited for my new frontier and now that the door is open my fantasies are filled with coupled-friends in which I’m attracted to both lovers.  With my first bi-experience and threesome under my belt, I feel confident in exploring other relationships.  However, I’m new to the scene and I’ve yet to explore approaching women independently, let alone couples.

The prominent couple of my fantasies is one in which I’m better friends with her, but unsure if she’s open to the idea.  How do I approach the subject without offending her in order to maintain a friendship if uninterested?  While trying not to get carried away I want to be respectful of where others are at in their relationships and I want to explain that I am in no way trying to devise a plan to attain her man.  I would like to find the right words to describe the healthy dynamic that I am hoping to find.  Any advice on the matter would bring much gratitude.

xo,
1/3

Dear 1/3,

Congratulations, my dearest unicorn, for finding the perfect couple to open you up to the marvelous world of group intimacy.  As I wrote in my post, Can A Threesome Help You Find Your True Love, there are many single bi-girls who enjoy being intimate with couples.  But you bring up an excellent question: How does a unicorn approach an attractive couple without freaking them out or damaging the friendship?

1.  FIND OUT IF THE GIRL IS OPEN TO BI EXPERIENCES

The first thing to do is take your female friend out for a drink and assess how open she is to bisexual experiences.  (If you are closer to the male partner, you might want to have this conversation with him.)  If you are not quite ready to tell her you are bi, you may want to talk about erotic books (like the Anne Rice Vampire Chronicles or if you are more literary, Henry Miller and Anais Nin) to get a sense of her openness.  Maybe she saw Woody Allen’s new film, Vicky Christina Barcelona, where Scarlett Johansson, Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem briefly live in a triad relationship.  It does not take long to know if she is NOT bi, because if she is grossed out by these scenarios, I am sure she will tell you.

2.  SHARE YOUR PREVIOUS EXPERIENCES TO GET A SENSE OF THE COUPLE’S OPENNESS
Some girls may think they are straight until they hear about your previous adventures with another couple. A lot of female fear quickly turns to curiosity and fascination when someone they know, trust and love has experienced group sex.  Think about the assumptions you had about threesomes before you experienced it firsthand.  Share with the new couple that in your previous threesome you never felt used, were in love with the couple’s relationship, and had no idea it could be so loving, fun and drama-free.

3.  NOT ALL GUYS ARE COMFORTABLE WITH GROUP SEX (SERIOUSLY!)
I know this may come as a surprise to some readers but not all men are open to threesomes.  Men, just like women, can be jealous, insecure and possessive.  Don’t assume that it is a done deal if the female partner is into the threesome.  Make sure that her man wants it just as much as she does.

4.  ASK HER/HIM ABOUT THEIR UNEXPLORED FANTASIES
A good way to get a sense of how open a couple is to being approached about a threesome is to ask them about their sexual fantasies.  What naughty things have they done in the past?  What naughty things would they like to do in the future?  What fantasies have they masturbated to?  Nothing turns people on more than talking about sex.  Get them talking and the sexual energy will surge.  Plus, if they say they’ve always wanted a threesome, you may just be on your way to an unforgettable night.

5.  SHARE YOUR STORY AND HELP HER SEE YOU WERE NOT EXPLOITED
Once you know the couple is open to bisexuality, share your positive past experiences.    Pornography has conditioned us to believe that threesomes are male-centered and about the guy’s pleasure.  This makes some women hesitant to participate in group scenarios because they do not want to exploit other women.  However, in a loving threesome, no one is exploited because all three participants share equal love and pleasure.  For the group sex virgin, this is hard to imagine and understand.  By sharing your threesome story, you help them to see how loving a group experience can be.  You also become a leader because you are teaching that most porn does not represent bisexual culture.

6.  DOES SHE KNOW YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO HER?
An important secret about girls is they are always the last to know if another girl likes them.  Because of this, they also fear that you are more attracted to their partner than them.  Make sure she knows you are attracted to her.  Girls want to feel special,  so make sure to let her know how beautiful she is (and, if you’re feeling confident, how much you want to kiss her.)

7.  SHOW THAT SEX DID NOT HARM YOUR FRIENDSHIP WITH YOUR PREVIOUS LOVERS
Another block to having sexual experiences with friends is they worry that the love affair will harm the friendship.  What the group sex virgin does not know is that sex can enhance a friendship.  Again, the best way to convince someone of this truth is to share your story and show that sex only made your friendship with the couple better.

One thing to note here: if bringing up the fact that you are bi and interested in a threesome harms the friendship, you may have outgrown it.  Although this is sad, letting go of some friends gives you space for new relationships with people who love you for who you really are.

8.  OPENLY DISCUSS HOW SURPRISED YOU ARE BY HOW WONDERFUL IT IS TO BE BI
As I have written before, Be The Bi-Girl You Want to Meet.  When you are bisexual and proud, you will attract the right lovers to you.  Trust your intuition.  If it doesn’t feel right to share your desires with certain friends, don’t.  If it feels like certain friends are potentially great lovers, trust it and expect great results.

XXOXOXOXOXO
BLISS WARRIOR
*************************
TONIGHT!  CHAT WITH BLISS AND HER AMAZING FRIENDS IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM AT HOTEL BLISS.
BLISS WARRIOR WILL BE CHATTING LIVE FROM 6PM TO 8PM PST (9PM TO 11PM EST) AND WOULD LOVE TO CHAT WITH YOU!  IF YOU ARE A MEMBER OF HOTEL BLISS, JUST SIGN IN AND CLICK ON CHAT.  NOT A MEMBER OF HOTEL BLISS?  SIGN UP BY CLICKING HERE.
*************************

{ 3 trackbacks }

Bliss Warrior » Blog Archive » ASK MISS BLISS - BI AND TIRED OF BEING PRESSURED INTO THREESOMES
November 13, 2008 at 9:37 am
ASK MISS BLISS - SHE BRINGS HER MAN TO THE ALL-GIRL PARTY | The Play Report
May 12, 2009 at 11:01 am
ASK MISS BLISS - HOW DO I TELL MY FRIENDS THAT MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
June 1, 2009 at 4:41 pm

{ 0 comments… add one now }

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: