ASK MISS BLISS – BI-BOY CAUGHT KISSING BY HIS COWORKERS

by Miss Bliss

Hi Bliss,

I was wondering of you had some advice…

I made a careless mistake a few weeks back. A friend of mine set me up on a date, and to my surprise, people I work with were at the same bar. I had no idea, and they saw my date and I kiss at the end of the night, so I kind of “outed” myself as a bisexual man to my coworkers. Now there are rumors spreading like wildfire around the office and I’m not sure what to do next.

A few weeks have passed, but the gossiping is still going strong. Some of the people I would go to happy hour with after work are no longer interested in going, and a few people are now trying to set me up with their gay friends. Some “friends” have also decided to introduce me to others with a sexual orientation attached.

Something that is also interesting, I told two girlfriends of mine I was bi. One girl is a lesbian and the other is straight, and they both think I’m gay, and guys can not be bisexual and they have distanced themselves, as well. I know what you are thinking, “then they weren’t really my friends” which is cool with me, but it is frustrating.

In my personal experience, more than 75% of the women, and 90% of the men I have discussed this with, think that men cannot be bisexual, and use the word “bisexual” as a term to ease people into the reality of them being gay. One point a female coworker attempted to make to me, is that she would never date a bisexual guy because she thinks he will cheat on her with another man, and when I asked her what would keep a bisexual women from cheating on a man with another women, she told me guys are different.

Thanks,
Bi and No One Believes Me

Dearest Bi and No One Believes Me -

The sad thing is MOST people don’t believe bisexuality exists in men or women. “It’s a phase,” they say, that either ends in marriage (so you are now “straight”) or in a gay relationship (so you are now “gay.”)

It is even harder in our current culture for bi-men to gain respect than bi-women because bi-women are fetishized in porn, advertising and media – which to straight people makes them seem “truly bi”. But when a man is interested in another man (even if he generally dates women – or consistently continues to love women) he is gay.

1. ARE YOU READY TO BE A LEADER?
So, my dear man, it seems you are potentially in a position of leadership. Are you ready to be the bi man in the office? The bi man in your friends’ lives? Are you ready to continue to remind others that you are NOT gay but truly bi and proud?

2. SOMETIMES THE UNIVERSE ENCOURAGES US TO COME OUT
Sometimes the universe places us in a situation where we have to come out. Circumstances have forced you to face your bisexuality in your office. Sure, some people will not invite you to happy hour for awhile. Keep doing what you are doing. Keep being you. Do you have a close friend in the office? Someone you can go out drinking with until others come around? With one friend, it’s a lot easier to go through this kind of storm.

3. IT IS ONLY THROUGH KNOWING BISEXUALS THAT STRAIGHT FOLKS LEARN THEY ARE “REAL”
Unfortunately, many women – even bisexual women – do not necessarily believe there are male bisexuals. One of my dear friends is a bi boy. I recently introduced him to a fab writer friend of mine. They became fast close friends and she began introducing him to her friends as her “Number One Gay”. He was naturally upset by this because she was denying his bisexuality. Each time she said it, he continued to correct her saying, “No, I am bi.” So now when she introduces him to her friends she tells this story and ends on, “He’s my Number One Bi.” It took awhile, but thanks to my friend for standing strong and being proud, one more person knows that bi men really do exist.

We are all fighting to be seen and understood. When one of us is outed – even in a humiliating way – it is for a reason. Even though it can feel uncomfortable and embarrassing, it feels better to live honestly. It feels wonderful when you can say, “Yes, I am bi and it is wonderful.” Keep being proud of who you are. The others will come around.

XOXOXOXOXOX
BLISS WARRIOR
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IF YOU ENJOYED READING THIS BLOG, YOU MAY ENJOY READING:
ASK MISS BLISS – WHEN SHOULD A NEW BI-BI COUPLE BRING IN A BOY?
ASK MISS BLISS – FIVE NEGATIVE STEREOTYPES ABOUT BISEXUALS
ASK MISS BLISS – HE DOESN’T BELIEVE I’M COMMITTED
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LIVE WEBCHAT WITH BLISS WARRIOR NEXT TUESDAY, OCTOBER 28TH FROM 6-9 PST!
JOIN ME AT HOTEL BLISS IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM NEXT WEEK FOR FUN CONVERSATION, COMMUNITY AND SEXY SUPPORT. XOXOXOXOXO

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Chelle October 21, 2008 at 2:12 pm

“Keep being proud of who you are.”

That is so important. That is so hard in every aspect of life, but if you continue to be who you are and be proud of that, people that appreciate you for you will surface.

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Caracala October 21, 2008 at 2:28 pm

Great advice. I hate how there’s such a double standard. It’s “normal” for girls to be bisexual, but it’s not okay for guys to have the same desires…”that’s just not how guys are”….I *hate* hearing this stuff. I have a couple bi guy friends and it seemed like with both of them, when they came out as bi, it was seen as “worse than” being gay, for example. Like…their friends would’ve accepted it more easily if they’d just been gay, but to be bisexual threw them off too much and put distance between so many people. It’s ridiculous. :(

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