“I told my friends I’m bi!” Melanie is smiling from ear to ear, and she is utterly adorable.
“That’s wonderful, sweetie,” I say, “What did they say?”
Melanie is a baby bigirl. Only a year before, this 23 year-old redhead discovered the joy of being with a girl. “You will not believe what Bethanie said.” Bethanie is Melanie’s best friend from college.
“What? Did she freak out?”
“Not at all! It ends up she’s bi, too!” Melanie is stirring her water and lime and I cannot take my eyes of her lace-framed cleavage.
“How long has she been bi?”
“For years.” Melanie looks up and smiles devilishly. “But she’s only kissed girls. She’s never gone all the way.”
“Did you tell her everything?”
“I told her I loved making a woman come.” Melanie is delighted that she is now the more decadent and experienced of the two friends.
“What did she say?”
“She wanted to hear every last detail, and it ends up most of our friends are at least bi-curious! Who knew?”
WHEN YOUR STRAIGHT FRIENDS FIND OUT
1. THE FREAK OUT
Some straight friends do not handle it well when you tell them you are bisexual. They get nervous that you will sleep with “anything that moves” and you are no longer trustworthy. If you are in a relationship with a man, they may be scared by the implication that you want to participate in group sex. In fact, the first question out of their mouth might just be, “So, what, you’re a swinger now?”
If your friend freaks out, you may want to avoid discussing sexual topics with her for awhile. Protect your fragile, just-coming-out bi-identity, and share it with those who will support you, ask you sincere questions, and love you for who you are. Give her time and love being your magnetic bi-self. She will see how amazing you are and will eventually want to know more.
2. SHE’S SAD YOU NEVER HIT ON HER
When I was in college and began coming out to my straight girl friends, one acted hurt personally. At first I did not understand why she was sulking and being critical of the girls I had chosen as lovers. One night, we split a pitcher of beer and truth began pouring out of her mouth. She was hurt that I had not tried to be with her sexually. How could we love each other so much if I loved other girls better than her?
It is hard for some straight girls to understand that being bisexual does not mean that you want to sleep with all of your female friends. Explain to her that being a bigirl means that you are open to a connection with a man or a woman. This means you are attracted to the person first, and gender second. Remind her that just because she is straight does not mean she wants to sleep with every man she has ever met. Bigirls are just as picky as straight girls when it comes to picking a lover, and I would even argue that many bigirls are pickier!
3. SHE WANTS YOU TO “TURN” HER
Most girls are bi-curious. When you tell a girl you are bi, you discover just how many women are out there right now fantasizing about loving girls, and many of them are your straight friends! The downside to a girl knowing that you have been with women, is that she may want you to be her first girl. She may be hurt or confused when you express that you do not want to sleep with her because of the friendship, or that you do not feel an attraction to her. Reach out to her and take her out to a lesbian bar. Maybe the two of you can meet girls together that way.
4. SHE’S BI, TOO
Finally, you two can sit on top of a down comforter, with mugs of steaming tea, and share all of your adventures. How wonderful that you finally came out to her so she could come out to you.
PS. Thanks to the wonderful Bell for finding this image!