ASK MISS BLISS – WHEN SHOULD A NEW BI-BI COUPLE BRING IN A BOY?

by Miss Bliss

Dear Miss Bliss,

My boyfriend and I are both bisexual and its our hope to have an open, loving and lasting relationship together. We are a new couple of just 5 months. After 2 months together, we had a couple of threesomes which left my boyfriend and I feeling distant and detached. He encouraged us to try monogamy for a bit to help us build a stronger bond. I was excited to be just with him but quickly his fantasies turned toward penis and mine drifted toward seeing him with other men. Monogamy seems really strange to both of us yet we are doing it because we are devoted to each other and think it might be the right thing for the moment. Our fantasies and desires have us always considering threesome and couple options which makes this whole monogamy spell seem like a farce. How should a new couple into being in open relationships build a strong bond? We talk about everything yet somehow it seems like we are still too insecure to make new playmates outside of our relationship. Could we be jumping the gun too early about bringing others into our bed?

Sincerely,
New Couple

Dear New Couple,

Nothing makes me happier than hearing about a biBoy and a biGirl who found each other and are making a relationship work. It is wonderful that you both enjoy fantasizing about bringing a man into your sexual play, and very brave of you to have already experienced a few threesomes. To build an open and respectful relationship, communication is key. Your letter demonstrates that you both talk every detail to death and hold each other’s feelings in the highest regard.

DO HEALTHY OPEN RELATIONSHIPS NEED A PERIOD OF MONOGAMY?

When your man is pitching monogamy to ensure a stronger bond in the relationship, you know you have a man who is putting you and the love you share, first. You obviously care about the relationship deeply, too, because you took time to think about the situation and write this letter. The question is, do bisexuals need to be monogamous early in a relationship in order to have a healthy open relationship later?

BiGIRLS HAVE TO BE CAUTIOUS IN NEW RELATIONSHIPS

A bisexual woman has to be cautious because there will be men who pretend to want to be boyfriends, when they really just want group sex. Many of my bi girlfriends do not list themselves as bi on nerve.com or myspace.com because it attracts the wrong type of guy. (So sad and unfortunate, isn’t it?) Another friend of mine tried dating men as an open biGirl, but found the guys were only interested in going to swing parties and pushing her into hooking up with strangers.

Most biGirls I have met believe monogamy is essential until both partners fully trust one another; this could be a few months, it may be years. Maybe a couple will try group play, then take some time to be monogamous again. There is no one way to make a relationship work and only you and your partner know what is right for you.

Your man, dear girl, is doing it right.

MONOGAMOUS PERIODS IN OPEN RELATIONSHIPS STRENGTHEN THEM

This monogamous period the two of you are experiencing is not a farce. In a healthy, honest, open relationship both partners have automatic veto power. If you both felt “distant” after the threesomes, your man is right: you are not ready.

FANTASIZING ABOUT THREESOMES INCREASES YOUR BOND

Sharing sexual fantasies with your partner is a great way to increase the passion and excitement during sex. Many biGirls say it really turns them on to imagine their men with other boys.

Fantasizing about threesomes can also give you both a chance to decide in detail what you eventually want. Would it really turn your boy on to know how hot it gets you thinking about going down on him with another man? Does this idea work for him?

So, New Couple, again I congratulate you.

You are doing it all right and I am glad you are devoting focused time on the relationship. You will know when you are ready to make those fantasies a reality again, but in the meantime, you are strengthening that magical bond you share.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
BLISS WARRIOR

COME TO BRUNCH!

THIS SATURDAY – JOIN ME FOR BRUNCH IN LA. EMAIL ME TO RSVP.
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Bliss Warrior » Blog Archive » ASK MISS BLISS - CAUGHT KISSING BY MY COWORKERS
October 21, 2008 at 9:49 am

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

atte: addy December 7, 2007 at 3:55 pm

i am either attending the l.a. or the SD one, but since i have a christmas party saturdat night, i think i am going to enjoy sleeping in with my fiancee on sunday, thank you for organizing another brunch … im glad im going to be able to make it.. p.s. should i consider this my RSVP?

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penelope December 10, 2007 at 10:09 pm

Just found your blog via my dear friend Kansas.
Very Nice.
Wish I were closer..brunch sounds delicious!

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The Beautiful Kind December 11, 2007 at 4:39 pm

Great question and answer!

I’ve been a bi-swinger for years and entered a monogamous relationship with a great guy this year. He’s new to the whole scene, so we’ve been taking it slow. Right now we just play with girl friends together on occasion, but for the most part are exploring each other and getting to know ourselves as a couple. I can feel his confidence in “us” building, which is very satisfying. I’m looking forward to seeing where our sex lives will go and who it will involve, but for now we’re not looking and are taking it on a case-by-case basis.

As for the identifying as “bi” on myspace, why do so many guys think “bi” means “There’s a good chance I will fuck any gross caveman dude who drops me a grunting message” ?

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