CAN FRIENDS BE LOVERS AND FRIENDS AGAIN?

by Miss Bliss

I light her cigarette and George inhales. She looks incredible in the silver metallic dress I made and as she smokes in front of the mirror, she twists and turns and admires herself. “Why isn’t this shit in a store,” she says, and I take a moment to realize I am having a marvelous time with the one girl I thought I would never be close to again.

Fourteen years ago, I met George at NYU and she quickly became my drinking buddy. Splitting pitchers, talking sex, and pretending to be lesbians to keep the creeps away, became our weekly tradition. She was the blonde debutant from Arizona and wherever we went, she was hit on first. This never bothered me, because I understood the “blonde thing” and any guy who went after the blonde first, did not interest me in the least. More importantly, I considered George to be an equal: sexually powerful, fearless, gorgeous, experimental, and bisexual. In fact, she was the only girl with whom I shared my new bisexual adventures.

Three years into my relationship with my man, we were having trouble. Looking back on it, we were in our early 20s and although we knew we had found true love, it seemed too early. During that year we cheated on each other, and I cheated on him with George. Shortly thereafter, we broke up, and he started dating George. A year or so later, we worked out our problems, he ended it with George, and we have been together ever since.

Needless to say, it took some time for George and I to repair our friendship. “How can you ever trust her again,” said one friend protectively.

“All of this drama happened years ago, first of all. We were different people then.” My friend looks at me disbelieving. “But when I have opened my heart to someone, I will always love them. It was much worse feeling sad that I lost a friendship, or worrying that she hated me. Being able to be a good friend to her now helps me to forgive myself for behaving badly then.”

“I don’t know,” says my straight friend. “I don’t like when my man talks to former girlfriends. It makes me crazy.”

“All my life, I was taught to distrust girls. Always thinking, she’s trying to take my man, or she’s trying to sabotage my relationship. I am done with being suspicious of other women. Jealousy and fear just brings me less friends and more enemies. It’s too much work.”

I sip my tea and my friend smiles. “I don’t know,” she says. “What you’re saying is nice and all, but there are some crazy girls who will do anything to steal a man.”

“Perhaps. But George is responsible for so many good things in my life now. She helped find my therapist who changed my life, got me my first designing gig, and now she’s taking care of our NY place while we’re in LA.”

“I can’t believe you’re letting her stay in your place.”

I am beginning to get impatient with my friend. “Look, when I come home, my place is clean and smelling of pretty girl. Plus, it’s helping George and I to email each other more often. We’re becoming REAL friends again, which even with all my positivity, I never thought would happen.”

George wraps her arms around my waist and hugs me tight. Around us, my husband (and her former boyfriend) takes pictures for my portfolio. Seven hours have gone by as we drank wine, smoked, tried on samples and took pictures. Laughing and touching each other, it is amazing to see there is no more tension between us.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
BLISS WARRIOR

MEET ME FOR BRUNCH TOMORROW AT 10 AM IN SILVERLAKE. COMMENT HERE IF YOU’D LIKE TO ATTEND. 9 GIRLS ARE ALREADY COMING, DON’T BE LEFT OUT! CLICK HERE TO READ THE LA BRUNCH BLOG

MEET ME FOR BRUNCH ON SUNDAY AT 10 AM IN SAN DIEGO. COMMENT HERE IF YOU’D LIKE TO ATTEND. CLICK HERE TO READ THE SD BRUNCH BLOG

A SAN FRANCISCO BLISS GIRL HAS OFFERED TO ORGANIZE A BRUNCH IN JANUARY. I AM COMING. WOULD YOU LIKE TO ATTEND?

ARE YOU A LINGERIE DESIGNER? EMAIL ME.

HAVE ANY QUESTIONS FOR ASK MISS BLISS? SEND THEM MY WAY.

XOXOXOXOXOXOOXXOXO

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Brianne December 7, 2007 at 3:51 pm

It never ceases to amaze me – the things we are capable of doing, forgiving and moving past. I have a similar story in my past, it’s long… remind me to tell you sometime. :) But isn’t it so refreshing to think about the ways in which we grow and learn from these experiences that at the time felt so devastating? I’m happy you have been able to keep someone who seems like such a wonderful addition to your life. That deserves kudos for everyone involved!

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Cammie December 7, 2007 at 3:52 pm

My boyfriend is on a lunch date right this very moment with his ex. I’m freaking… totally freaking…. but I keep reminding myself that I know he adores the life we have created together and that he would never do anything to ruin the trust we have in each other. This is the first time he’s ever gone out with an ex but I hope its the first of many friendly dates he has with exs.

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atte: addy December 7, 2007 at 3:52 pm

i will be attending the l.a. brunch. and this post is so sweet ms. bliss. keep posting for us..

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cougar in training December 7, 2007 at 3:52 pm

i would come to a SF meeting.. Count me in!! ;)

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Apacific December 7, 2007 at 3:53 pm

You are an amazing person. To forgive and continue on with your friendship. Most would not be able to do what you have done. I have not had an experience like the one that you mentioned but had friends who have betrayed me in other ways. Sometimes the problem is when a friend opens up a wound so deep and painful, it takes a long time to heal. I have forgiven but had that friend enter the wound again and not only cut it deeper but infected my soul with their hurt.

Repeated wounds leaves a large scar that can be healed but visible and a reminder of past hurt.

Thank you for being a wonderful, caring, and forgiving female. We need to be surrounded by more like you.

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Squirrely December 7, 2007 at 4:50 pm

Yay! Of course I will attend an SF brunch, but I am wondering if it is me that you’re referring to about organizing it. Just want to be sure.

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michelle December 7, 2007 at 7:02 pm

“when I have opened my heart to someone, I will always love them”

Isn’t that the truth! True love at an early age is hard to keep. The trick is learning to grow together and….
forgiveness. Forgiveness is a never ending life lesson. We have all done something to someone in our lives that we’ve needed so badly in our hearts to be forgiven for. To forgive and be forgiven and love again is beautiful and healing. You’re a true sweetheart, Miss Bliss. Your glow shines through the computer and warms hearts.

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RachE Ray December 11, 2007 at 2:54 pm

U r so beautiful! U r forgiving & look to avoid the negative. No one can hurt u, unless u let them. Good gosh I seek to have ur heart & wisdom! Much love to u!

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KaliSu December 13, 2007 at 10:02 am

“I sip my tea and my friend smiles. “I don’t know,” she says. “What you’re saying is nice and all, but there are some crazy girls who will do anything to steal a man.”"

ahhh… but shouldn’t the energy be put into loving the man rather than keeping an eye out for girls wanting to steal him? they can only take men willing to be stolen.

your forgiving and loving george isn’t surprising, given that you forgive and love your man.

xoxox,
KaliSu

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Amy O December 13, 2007 at 10:02 am

Beautiful. It’s difficult to understand how some prefer indulging their fears than exploring their loves. It’s always nice to hear more happy lovey stories! :)

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