ASK MISS BLISS – SHE BRINGS HER MAN TO THE ALL-GIRL PARTY

by Miss Bliss

Dear Miss Bliss,

First of all, I want to say thank you so much for all the great advice, encouragement and information that you post on your site. I have found so much acceptance within myself after reading responses from so many women that feel exactly like I do.

stockingsMy situation is the following: I have met a lot of wonderful girls through Craigslist, Meetup and group gatherings. My first experiences were great, but now I have been socializing with the same group of girls and I feel like it’s the same over and over and not in the best way.

I am in a committed relationship with my boyfriend of almost 15 years. He understands me, respects me, and loves me for who I am and does not demand anything in return. We have a very open-minded, mature, loving and understanding relationship, and I love sharing this side of me with him.

A lot of the group gatherings have been for women only, but there have been a few girls that end up showing up with their husbands (well, mainly one). This honestly rubs me the wrong way.  I feel cheated because I left my man at home and now end up hanging out with a guy that I don’t really care to know. However, if I had met him at a gathering where all husbands were allowed, I would feel the opposite. Because the girls that I have met know that I don’t care for hanging out with other men without mine, I have noticed that I have been excluded from all events where this gal attends/participates/hosts. I can’t compete with her nor do I want to.  She likes to host lavish parties and, as always, her husband is the only male there even though the majority of girls are also either married or in committed relationships.

To protect my boundaries, I am not associating with this group of girls anymore, but I am starting to wonder if I made the right decision.  Am I freaking out more than I should because other women show up with husbands and mine isn’t there?  Or even invited?  Going to one of these parties feels like I am betraying myself and my husband’s trust, but maybe the other girls are right and I’m overreacting.  What do you think?

— Party Girl

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Dear Party Girl,

Congratulations on developing a loving, honest and understanding relationship with your man.  It is obvious that he has a great deal of love and trust for you, especially if he encourages you to explore your bisexuality.   It is exactly his devotion to you (and your devotion to him) that has left you feeling conflicted when another woman shows up at a girl-party with a man.   Your man trusts you are attending a party where no men are allowed and would certainly be hurt and betrayed if he knew other men were there.

Putting space between you and these girls is wise.  They invited you to their parties, but they did not all follow the basic rule:  ALL GIRL = NO MEN.

1.  BEFORE ATTENDING AN ALL-GIRL SEX PARTY, ALL GIRLS MUST AGREE ON THE RULES
A sex party is not like other parties.  Rules of behavior are essential to ensure that no one is physically or emotionally hurt.   At swing parties, no one is allowed to touch another person unless they ask permission first (and, if you’ve ever been to one, you know that this is an important rule.)  At girl parties, there are less rules because (1) women trust each other, (2) women are respectful of each others’ physical space and (3) there are no guys who need rules to control their testosterone.  The one most basic rule for the all-girl sex party is it is for women only.  If you are invited to a party and your male partner is not, no one else is allowed to bring a guy, not even the hostess.   If you bring a man to an all-girl party, you have broken the rules and should be asked to leave.   It’s simple, really.

2.  IF THE HOST SAYS IT’S ONLY GIRLS, NO MEN ARE ALLOWED.  PERIOD.
Part of the problem in your circle of girlfriends is that someone is not following the rules.  If a host of a girl party posts on Craigslist or MeetUp that no men are allowed, there is NEVER a reason why a man should be at that party.  NEVER.  A woman who breaks this rule puts the rest of the attendees in a terrible position:  either they tell their partner that there was a man at the party and risk hurting him, or they lie to their partners and say no men were present, which reinforces the stereotypes that bisexuals will lie to “have their cake and eat it, too.”

3.  HOWEVER, WHOEVER HOSTS THE PARTY MAKES THE RULES
Unfortunately, it seems that the host of these “lavish” parties will only host the party if her man is there.   If this is the case, she should make it known to every attendee that her husband will be present before the party starts.   Your man (and every woman’s boyfriend or husband) should know that at least one man will be there and should be aware that the other male partners were not invited.   No girl should arrive at the party and be surprised to see a man at the refreshment table.

4. NO GIRL PARTY IS WORTH LYING TO YOUR PARTNER
Sexual exploration and play should enhance your relationship.   If you have to lie to have a sexual experience, the experience is not worth the damage lying causes.  Partners who let you play alone are granting you a great deal of trust that you should honor and respect.  You, dear Party Girl, have shown how much you love your man by refusing to attend co-gender parties without him.  Now, it’s time to get out and make some new bi-girl friends who follow the rules!

xoxoxoxoxo
BLISS WARRIOR
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HAVE A QUESTION FOR ASK MISS BLISS?  E-MAIL ME AT BLISS@BLISSWARRIOR.COM.
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If you would like to join Bliss’ private community site for bi-girls and their girlfriends, Hotel Bliss, please e-mail me at bliss@blisswarrior.com with a photo and the reason you would like to join.
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