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“Wait… You’re from Afghanistan,” asks a girl with curls. “Are there a lot of bisexuals there?”“Well, I left Afghanistan when I was four, so it’s hard for me to know,” says Asalah. She then adds with a teasing grin, “But it is a country where men take multiple wives…”
Fourteen bisexual women have gathered together for brunch on a cool Saturday afternoon in Hollywood and as I gaze upon the group, I am once again amazed by the beauty, intelligence and kindness of our growing bisexual community.
“How are gay people treated in Afghanistan,” asks a girl with red hair and a freckled nose.
“Well, if you are two men, you can live in a gay relationship because a man is still the head of the household,” Asalah says. “But if you are two women…” Her voice trails off, letting us know how impossible it is to be in a lesbian relationship in a misogynist culture.
“You’re married, right,” asks the girl with a perfect smile sitting across from her.
“I am. He is also from Afghanistan.”
“How does he feel about your bisexuality?”
“Well, he was the one who helped me discover my sexuality.” She turns to me and says, “I’ve often wondered if I am bisexual because of him.”
“What do you mean,” I ask.
“We started dating in our early 20s and from the beginning, he fantasized about having a threesome with another woman. At first, I didn’t know how I felt about this, but soon I was fantasizing about us being with another woman and discovered that was something I really wanted. But a part of me wonders if he made me this way. I mean, would I have become bi on my own?”
“I think a lot of women wrestle with this,” I say. “We are taught in this culture that a threesome is about the man’s pleasure and any woman who participates in this behavior is somehow using or subjugating another woman. It was my therapist who helped me alleviate any guilt. She said to me, ‘You are all adults, right? You aren’t coercing anyone to be with you and your boyfriend. Each adult has responsibility for his own behavior.’ And, it was like a light bulb went off in my brain. Our female lover chose to be with us as much as we chose to be with her.”
Asalah smiles and says, “That’s why I came to this brunch. I have so many questions about being bi but no one to talk to about it. My husband and I have fantasized about being with a woman for so long, but I have no idea how to find a lover.”
“Ah, yes,” I say. “The most popular question I get for my advice column, Ask Miss Bliss, is ‘How do I find a lover?’ Well, first, you find bi friends. See, we have a table full of intelligent, gorgeous professional women who are all bi. Now that we know each other, we can support each other. And you never know, one of these girls may just know the perfect girl for you. If they don’t, I am sure they would love to take you out dancing and help you find her.”
The table laughs and nods. Girls turn to Asalah and tell her how beautiful she is and how easily she will find a girl who adores her. I look around at the group and am once again thrilled by the supportive and fascinating women who comprise the bisexual community.
XOXOOXXO
BLISS WARRIOR
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow. What a nice story.
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Ahhh man, I am jealous. I wish I could be surrounded with women like these.
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Thank-you for this lovely account of the Los Angeles brunch, Bliss! I wish I could have been there.
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Way cool, thank you!
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I know how she feels… I often wonder if I would not be bi if it weren’t for a boyfriend. How do we ever really know?
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what a joke— enjoy your BI DIVORCES, cause you can’t have your cake and eat it too… your relationships will be three-way statistics as time rolls forward and your betrayal eats at the little bond you have left. bye bye, now. i can sacrifice sexual sluttery for true love.
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