ASK MISS BLISS – TORN BETWEEN LOVERS
Written by Miss Bliss on December 13, 2007 – 5:41 pm -Dear Miss Bliss,
I do not know what to do with myself. I still hang out and sleep with my ex-boyfriend. We have been on and off for the last year of our two years together. He is great in bed and it is hard for me to go find someone new when I like how we are sexually. I have actively pursued a woman to fill the emotional gap I have been experiencing and finally, after a whole year of searching, I found someone! We are just getting to know each other and it’s been great! Now he’s jealous and I don’t know what to do.
We all know about each other. She has her own male lover, as well, so she’s not trying to have a threesome with my friend, nor is she trying to force me into one with her friend. Now, all my ex can talk about is how I fell into her lap and haven’t left and that I am going to run off with her and her friend. He says she has changed me. I can see myself being a little less tolerant to some of the stupid things he does but have not shown him any less love.
I truly am in love with him still and it is not returned, so I’m trying to move on (at least emotionally ) but I can’t take his verbal tongue lashing anymore and he and I can’t communicate well.
He has a problem with her and she has NO problems with him. I want to keep them both… Is there anything I can do???
Help, please!
*Feel Like Screaming!!!*
Dear Miss Feel Like Screaming…
How wonderful that you took the time and initiative to find the perfect female lover. You have been honest and upfront with both lovers, and it is obvious from your letter, that you care very much how each lover feels. You have done everything in the right way and it is natural that you are frustrated by your ex-boyfriend’s behavior.
1. HE IS NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND
First of all, if he does not care about you or filling your “emotional gap”, he has lost the right to claim you for his own.
2. GOOD SEX IS NOT WORTH VERBAL ABUSE
Just because he is good in bed does not mean you have to put up with a verbal tongue-lashing. You are not in an exclusive relationship and he has no right to criticize you, your love, or your other lovers. Even if he wanted to be your boyfriend, no man has the right to speak to his woman this way. Until he is your boyfriend and treats you with love and respect, he has no right to punish you when he feels insecure.
3. HE HAS NO RIGHT TO FEEL JEALOUS
The next time he expresses fears that you are leaving him for your lover and her man, tell him he SHOULD be worried. You will leave him because he is not doing the work to keep you! She has not taken you away from him. He gave you up a year ago.
4. LOVE IS CHANGING YOU
You are changing. You are experiencing a fulfilling love affair and that naturally has improved your confidence, made you sexier and stronger. You are also demonstrating a new independent side of yourself which threatens his comfortable situation with you.
Darling girl, there is no need to scream.
He is not your boyfriend and he does not love you the way you deserve to be loved.
If he disrespects you again, walk out the door.
He has not given you reason to stay.
XOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXO
BLISS
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Posted in ASK MISS BLISS, BISEXUALITY, RELATIONSHIPS, SEX, bi-girls, bisexual, bisexual girls, dating girls, jealousy, lovers |
8 Responses
to “ASK MISS BLISS – TORN BETWEEN LOVERS”
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- Jan 17, 2008: Bliss Warrior » Blog Archive » ASK MISS BLISS - SHE’S 12 YEARS YOUNGER & MAKING ME JEALOUS
By ~*gAbRicAdaBra*~ on Dec 14, 2007 | Reply
God, Miss Bliss, you are GORGEOUS!
i LOVE the way you are able to articulate the simple truth. you are a Goddess to women. i sincerely hope “feel like screaming” hears what you have said to her.
Merry Christmas, Darling. Or Happy Holidays, whichever applies.
if you are ever in miami or surrounding areas, please let me know.
Hugs and Kisses,
Gaby
By Blue on Dec 14, 2007 | Reply
When I read the letter you responded to, my first response was “damn right, he should be scared. . .he doesn’t deserve her. . .and he knows it”. . .
what it all comes down to in my vision is that he loves owning her. . .all the benefits of a relationship without any of the work that a true, loving commitment requires.
Your advice was beautiful, and as always, right on the money. . .this waste of skin needs to realize that he is not the center of the universe. . .and strong women can always find loving, wonderful people who appreciate them.
No amount of good sex is worth the verbal attacks. . .and good sex is everywhere. . .all it takes is opening your mind and your eyes. . .
Love and kisses to you
Blue
By spotieotiedopealiscious angel on Dec 14, 2007 | Reply
it is difficult enough to deal with an ex-boyfriend that still has feelings and wants to still see you, but when there is verbal abuse or any kind of negative communications, thats when i think it needs to be completely broken off.. i still talk to my ex-boyfriends (a couple of them…) and i love being totally honest when i am seeing someone new, and i like to express how i feel. some guys take it lighter than others, but hey they broke up for a reason, right?
By miss bliss on Dec 15, 2007 | Reply
ASKED TO BE POSTED BY “FEEL LIKE SCREAMING!”
Bliss…
Thank you for responding and blogging so quickly! Your advise truely helped me to see that what I was feeling was along the correct lines… (to an extent) :s
I did want to tell you that I should have stated a little more clearly his “tounge lashings”. I’m not trying to make excuses for him.. your blog really helped but I didn’t say that he IS and NEVER WAS verbally abusive, it’s snide, snippy, jelous comments of how I have no time for him or that I will be with her or have made plans with her before he got a chance to make plans. It’s basically whining but with a yelling voice… ( is that still verbal abuse?)He never calls me names or says bad things to me. Its just yelling things like “You don’t have time for me anymore” (Because he won’t make advance plans and she will)
Anyone that knows us.. says he is in love with me and is 23 and just can’t say it.. I still see: an ex- boyfriend that never did anything wrong but be closed minded about certain life situations because his perspective was young.
Your response was helpful, insightful and has made me really think about what MY motivations are.
Thank you again!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
By miss bliss on Dec 15, 2007 | Reply
darling girl…
i am very glad to hear he is not verbally abusive.
it is also good to know he is only 23.
men in their early 20s have it tough…
their brain and their heart want to do one thing,
but their libido wants something else entirely.
but, remember,
he has no right to take away your enjoyment of the girlfriend you so long desired and finally found.
don’t let him take away your happiness!
especially through unmerited jealousy and possessiveness.
you are too amazing for that, goddess.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
bliss
By Lynn on Dec 15, 2007 | Reply
I am going through a similar situation, minus the wonderful woman (woe is me! hehe). My boyfriend and I have been on the rocks for about 6 months now, and I’ve just about reached the end of my rope. My boyfriend says similar snippy, rude comments about how I spend more time with my friends (who came years before this relationship… all platonic relationships) or how I don’t want him to sleep over anymore (I’m not really interested in sleeping with him right now).
In fact, earlier this week, I told him all the things that were upsetting me, and that I didn’t want to be with him anymore. He agreed with me on many levels (we’re two very different people with incredibly separate life goals… which doesn’t exactly make for the best long-term relationship), but we decided to give it another go. I’m not sure I made the best decision; things have improved slightly, but I think the moral of the story here is to look at the long term. I can’t see anything in the future but my personal sacrifice and sadness.
I agree that his comments are verbal abuse, because what it comes down to is how what he says makes you feel. If you walk away feeling like crap most of the time, it’s just not worth it. The change in your behavior (not taking it anymore) is a sign that you weren’t happy with the way you were being treated.
Okay, I’m not the advice columnist here, I just really felt like getting my two cents in there! To everyone, Happy Holidays and have a wonderful New Year!
By Story Teller on Dec 26, 2007 | Reply
That’s damn good advice and I agree with you completely. If the man does not want you as his girlfriend, he has no place saying a damn thing. Awesome advice.
And, just a bit of advice from one webmaster to another. I would be very weary about having that Adsense bar on a site like this. As far as I know, they don’t tolerate anything of the adult nature. Best of luck!