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Hi Bliss,
I was wondering of you had some advice…
I made a careless mistake a few weeks back. A friend of mine set me up on a date, and to my surprise, people I work with were at the same bar. I had no idea, and they saw my date and I kiss at the end of the night, so I kind of “outed” myself as a bisexual man to my coworkers. Now there are rumors spreading like wildfire around the office and I’m not sure what to do next.
A few weeks have passed, but the gossiping is still going strong. Some of the people I would go to happy hour with after work are no longer interested in going, and a few people are now trying to set me up with their gay friends. Some “friends” have also decided to introduce me to others with a sexual orientation attached.
Something that is also interesting, I told two girlfriends of mine I was bi. One girl is a lesbian and the other is straight, and they both think I’m gay, and guys can not be bisexual and they have distanced themselves, as well. I know what you are thinking, “then they weren’t really my friends” which is cool with me, but it is frustrating.
In my personal experience, more than 75% of the women, and 90% of the men I have discussed this with, think that men cannot be bisexual, and use the word “bisexual” as a term to ease people into the reality of them being gay. One point a female coworker attempted to make to me, is that she would never date a bisexual guy because she thinks he will cheat on her with another man, and when I asked her what would keep a bisexual women from cheating on a man with another women, she told me guys are different.
Thanks,
Bi and No One Believes Me
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Dearest Bi and No One Believes Me -
The sad thing is MOST people don’t believe bisexuality exists in men or women. “It’s a phase,” they say, that either ends in marriage (so you are now “straight”) or in a gay relationship (so you are now “gay.”)
It is even harder in our current culture for bi-men to gain respect than bi-women because bi-women are fetishized in porn, advertising and media – which to straight people makes them seem “truly bi”. But when a man is interested in another man (even if he generally dates women – or consistently continues to love women) he is gay.
1. ARE YOU READY TO BE A LEADER?
So, my dear man, it seems you are potentially in a position of leadership. Are you ready to be the bi man in the office? The bi man in your friends’ lives? Are you ready to continue to remind others that you are NOT gay but truly
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“Keep being proud of who you are.”
That is so important. That is so hard in every aspect of life, but if you continue to be who you are and be proud of that, people that appreciate you for you will surface.
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Great advice. I hate how there’s such a double standard. It’s “normal” for girls to be bisexual, but it’s not okay for guys to have the same desires…”that’s just not how guys are”….I *hate* hearing this stuff. I have a couple bi guy friends and it seemed like with both of them, when they came out as bi, it was seen as “worse than” being gay, for example. Like…their friends would’ve accepted it more easily if they’d just been gay, but to be bisexual threw them off too much and put distance between so many people. It’s ridiculous.
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