ASK MISS BLISS – HOW DO I KNOW IF I’M BI?

Dear Miss Bliss,

How do you know when you are truly bi? I mean, how do you know when it first began? I had an experience when I was really young, about 7 or 8 years old. My best friend lived across the street from me and we would spend the night at each other’s houses. Anyway, when we spent the night together, we’d sleep together in either my bed or her bed. During the night, we would “play” with each other. I am trying to figure out if that was the beginning of my bisexuality or was it just because I was so young and curious and loved the feelings I was experiencing down there? I have always felt an attraction to girls and women since then, but never really thought about it too much. I always dated men and then got married. So…I guess I’m trying to figure out when and how it all started, and if the play with my friend was simply because I was so young and figuring out how things work down there?

XOXOXOXO
Curious About Being Bi

Dear Curious,

A dear friend of mine in Hawaii believes all women are bi or have bisexual tendencies. Of course, I also have a lesbian friend who thinks that bigirls are really gay, but too afraid to come out and risk the protection dating men gives them.

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU IF YOU ARE BISEXUAL?

1. YOU MAKE LOVE TO MEN AND WOMEN
Obviously, if you are dating both men and women, you are bisexual. Some women who have been in lesbian relationships for decades, still say they are bi because they have loved men in their past. The same goes for women in monogamous heterosexual relationships who loved women previously. If loving the person comes first, and their gender is not an issue for you, you are definitely bi.

2. YOU DATE MEN, HAVEN’T BEEN WITH GIRLS, BUT KNOW YOU’RE BI
Many women on Bliss Warrior are dating or married to men and have never been with a woman. Even though they are “bi-virgins”, they are certain that they want to make love to a woman and often, their sexual fantasies involve girls. With their partners, they are seeking a lover or flirting with girls and know that soon their fantasy will become a reality.

The key here is that if you know you are bisexual, you are, no matter who your sexual partners have been. Your sexual identity is your choice, so if it feels right, true, and good to tell the world you are bi, do it.

IS SEXUAL PLAY AMONG CHILDHOOD FRIENDS A SIGN YOU ARE BI?

Girls often learn about sex and explore sexual feelings with their childhood friends, as do boys. This is completely normal, and not necessarily a sign of future “gayness”. When I was in fifth grade, I threw a birthday party just for girls. The parents were downstairs and we were safely locked inside of my bedroom. Someone suggested we play spin-the-bottle and whoever the bottle landed on, would have to take off a piece of clothing. After the bottle spun and spun, us girls were left only wearing our knickers. One girl became shy and asked if we could turn off the lights before we continued the last round of our game. I turned off the lights and again the bottle was spun until every girl was naked.

Someone suggested we play music and dance, so I turned on Olivia Newton-John’s, Let’s Get Physical, and we danced and danced, naked in the dark. No one touched one another, but the air was alive with erotic energy. We danced until my mom knocked on the door and told us the party was ending. Dressing quickly, we smiled at each other knowing we had done something “bad” and gotten away with it.

At other slumber parties we played spin the bottle but instead of stripping, we would kiss, the intention being that we were “practicing” to kiss boys. At the time, I did not know I was into women. I was very interested in kissing and dating boys and felt that the sexual play with girls was a way to prepare to be with boys in the future.

So, my darling reader, if you believe that touching your sweet childhood friend was when you became a bi-girl, then that is your truth. If you are unsure about your sexual identity, feel good knowing that many girls play with their childhood friends to explore sex. It is natural and you have no reason to feel ashamed.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
BLISS

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Tagged as: bi-girls, bisexual, bisexual girls, coming out, dating girls, group sex, heterosexual, IDENTITY, kissing, lesbian, lovers, virginity