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Dear Miss Bliss,
I met this girl on Craigslist. She responded to my ad and said she was a lot of fun. I picked her out of a bunch of replies, not only because she was attractive but seemed the most sane! I’ve never done this before, and had no idea how it worked.
We started e-mailing back and forth, and eventually were messaging each other. She lives with her boyfriend, and I have a boyfriend too, and we were both looking for the same thing.
Everything seemed to be great, and I was really excited to meet her, but a month went by and she still hadn’t made a date. I made vague comments like, “Let’s meet sometime soon,” to encourage dialogue but she made it really awkward.
Now, I’m in a weird space — should I try to meet her, or is she over it? I asked her if she had changed her mind, and she replied, “No, have you?”
I finally texted her after not talking to her for a few weeks to try and meet for drinks,
and didn’t get a response. What should I do now? Just leave her alone?
Thanks for the advice.
Love,
Confused.
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Dear Confused,
First of all, congratulations for posting an ad on Craigslist and meeting another cool, fun, attractive bi-girl. I am always delighted to hear that bi-girls are finding each other through the Internet.
There are many reasons why she has not yet met you in person. Girls are generally chased by male attention. When two girls try to date, the girls are not always sure how to chase the other one without seeming “creepy” or “too much”. I personally believe, the LESS you go after the girl, the more likely she will find you interesting and come to you. Now, many friends hate when I say this and often replay, “I don’t want to play games! I want to be honest. If I like a girl, I’m going to tell her and hope she’ll like me, too.” Darling Confused Reader, the following tips are not “game playing” they are simply – in my humble opinion – the rules of the girl dating game.
Everyone wants to feel like they found a partner or a lover that is a little bit “out of their league”. A girl wants to feel like she had to work a little to get this person to notice and like her. So, dear girl, let this attractive girl work a little bit to get your attention, since you’ve already worked hard enough to get hers.
1. GIRLS WITH BOYFRIENDS HAVE BUSY LIVES
Bi-girls with primary partners are very busy and are already juggling work, family, friendships, and their love life. So if she does not write you back or text you back right away, she may just be busy. Wait. Be Patient. Let her know that you have a busy, full, exciting life, too. When she writes you back eventually you can wait a little to reply or write her back immediately. I suggest waiting and see how fast she writes you back the next time.
2. THE LESS YOU PUSH HER TO MEET, THE MORE SHE’LL WANT TO
It isn’t rocket science, but it is human behavior. The less you push for a meeting, the more she will. Often, when my bi-girl friends are flirting with a girl online and don’t push to meet, the other girl begins pushing for a date. They say, “Wait, I’m enjoying getting to know you,” and the friendship and trust grow, while the other girl’s desire increases, as well.
3. IF YOU ARE TOO EAGER, SHE MAY THINK YOU’RE NEEDY
All girls are worried that their female lover will be “crazy” or “needy” or “too codependent”. Because they have not had experience with sane, cool, fun bi-girls, they will be nervously searching for signs of needy behavior. Be relaxed and chill and enjoy flirting with the girl without pushing to meet. She will find you sexy, and her fears of your “innate female craziness” will lessen.
4. FOCUS ON THE FRIENDSHIP FIRST, AND SHE’LL WANT TO MEET YOU
I always stress to my bi-curious friends, develop the friendship first. The best relationships are built on trust, so build trust through e-mailing first. Once a friendship is built, no girl will want to go without meeting her new, wonderful friend in person.
5. KEEP FLIRTING WITH GIRLS UNTIL THE RIGHT ONE WANTS YOU
Until you go on a date with that perfect lover, keep posting on Craigslist and develop many flirtations. You never know, while you wait to meet your ideal girl lover you just might make a great group of bi-girl friends in the process.
6. DEVELOP THE ONLINE FRIENDSHIP AND HOLD OFF MEETING IN PERSON
Since she didn’t return your last text, I would not contact her until she contacts you or until a month or so has gone by. You do not want to seem needy or psycho, so relax, go back to your Craigslist posting, and start meeting other girls. You have found one potential, but their may be a better fit for you out there. In a month, send your girl an e-mail just checking in with her. I bet she will be happy to hear from you!
XOXOXOXOXO
BLISS WARRIOR
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HAVE A QUESTION FOR ASK MISS BLISS? E-MAIL ME AT bliss@blisswarrior.com.
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