Beautiful, dynamic Isis sits across from me at the cafe, holding one of my hands in hers, and says, “I can’t believe what you are saying. Everything you’ve experienced, I’ve experienced, but I’ve never met anyone I could talk about it with.”
Bi since birth, Isis is a sensual powerhouse. Like many bigirls today, (and I am not trying to imply ALL or MOST) Isis loves to date men, and play with girls. Most of her boyfriends are delighted that she wants to kiss girls at parties, or dance with them at clubs, or maybe, if the mood and the vibe is right, bring them into bed.
“What man wouldn’t want a bisexual goddess for a girlfriend,” I ask her.
“My last boyfriend didn’t. That part of me intimidated him, which is totally crazy because I didn’t need much. It’s easy for me to be a monogamous girlfriend… All I wanted was to be able to say to him every now and then, ‘Damn, look how hot she is!’”
“You couldn’t even scope out chicks around him?”
“No.”
“My husband and I love to sit outside over dinner and just watch beautiful girls go by. We sit there and talk about how sexy one girl’s walk is, or how pretty her hair is… We get to be guys together.”
“That’s the whole thing,” Isis says excitedly. “Why couldn’t he just see that the girls were no threat to him. I just wanted to hold a girl close and kiss her every now and then.”
I look into her deep, almond-shaped eyes, full of mystery, seduction, and love and see myself in her. “I once dated a guy who proclaimed that if I wanted to be his girlfriend, the bisexual part of my life was OVER. At the time, I didn’t question it. I was only 24, didn’t have any bi-friends, and felt like my bisexuality was bringing me problems. Many of my friends wanted me to be their first, which was fun, but not always fulfilling emotionally. If I hadn’t slept with one of my girlfriends, she was mad at me because I hadn’t tried. Other friends resented my lovers and wished I’d get out of this bi-stage and just go back to being a straight girl. Gay friends were not always open to multiple partners, or different more open forms of monogamy. So, I was insecure. I didn’t have that model of an older, sane, cool bi-girlfriend who had a great relationship, that was ethical, passionate, and healthy. Becoming ’straight’ again seemed like a solution for my young, insecure self.”
Isis nods and in her eyes is total understanding, compassion and amazement that we’ve experienced such similar things.
“So, this guy tells me I have to be straight,” I continue, “and at this point in my life, I want to be straight just to have a simpler life. But that wasn’t life. Pretending to be straight was a form of dying, slowly, every day.”
“Yes, yes, yes,” she exclaims. “But I didn’t know I could have a relationship like you and your husband’s. I didn’t know I could find a man where we could share girlfriends, share lovers, share experiences. I didn’t know that existed and I kept thinking, how will I ever be happy? Will I always be with one sex and fantasizing about the other? You two give me such hope.”
“Being Bi is a great gift. You need a man who understands what a special power you possess. The man for you has to celebrate your gift for love, pleasure, bliss, and joy and treat you like the superhuman girl, you are. Anything less is another form of death.”
“Poor boys,” she says as she squeezes my hand. “If only they were secure enough for us bi-girls.”
“I found one. There are more out there. You will find him when you don’t settle for anyone less. Ten years ago, I didn’t have a friend I could have this conversation with, no girl who really understood what I was going through. Now, I found you. We magical bi-girls have to keep finding each other, holding each other close, and keeping each other strong. We can’t go back to the world of the Muggles.”
XOXOXOXO
BW
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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Your story is right on the money!! I need more friends like you two
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I LOVE it MaMa! That’s why I started my company & events/parties for Bi Femmes. We ARE out there so I figured it was about time for somone to create an environment to bring them together. And that’s exactly what I’ve been working on and its sooo fufilling! I have met some amazing women who are just like me! Bi AND happy! *wink* Most of my friends were straight or lesbians so it was a touch balance to maintain, especially with insecure & jealous boyfriends who couldn’t handle the enigma I was. Its all changed now. I have so many Bi friends andmy current MAN understands & accepts all that I am. Thanks for sharing!!
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About halfway into this blog I thought yeah two women, strictly sexual.
Then as I read further, I contemplate what sacrifices some of us make in order to conform.
My sexual coming out was in 1969, a time for free love, and truly it was pretty wild.
In time, I found I had to conform to the thinking of others, in order to fit in,
but I lost something along the way, I know.
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Ya my problem is the oppisite my fionce was Bi when I met her. When we got serious she dropped it and now gets upset if she see’s me looking at other women. Her open mind has been closed.
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Dear Chris,
I’m sorry to hear this. Sometimes BiGirls get shy and become “straighter” because they don’t have a community of sane, cool, ethical, healthy BiGirls in their lives. It’s hard to be a BiGirl without Bi friends.
Just love her like crazy, and who knows? Maybe a girl who starts her motor up will come into your lives.
xoxoxo
Bliss Warrior
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good blog – has some meaning behind it..
for the Guys show some insecurity – and see who is walking
just let things happen and be happy w/ it.
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hey miss bliss,
i’m in mexico city with my girl ellie. ellie’s husband is making us breakfast at 2 in the afternoon, while ellie reads your blog out loud to me. we just wanted you to know that we were hearing your words together in the ol city of mexico!
besitos!
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that’s cool. what a blissful image. i was there with you in that moment.
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wow this story is sooo true with most guys. They all want a bi-girlfriend/wife until the time really comes. Then the insecurity of the man comes out and he can’t handle it. I myself do not have this problem with my husband, he actually got me hooked up with my first bi experience and of course he love the xxx-tra benefits we both reaped. Now we walk along the streets and he laughs at me when he catches me checking out other women like a “man”. We even point out hotties to eachother which is really fun. On the other hand I have 2 other girlfriends who’s husbands knwo they are interested in the same sex and give them the 3rd degree if they are having a ladies night out…one was all gun ho and his wife even involved him in her 1st bi experience and he freaked out because he thought the other girl did things to his wife that he couldn’t. Of course no one know a woman better than a woman, the touching the feeling the tentiveness to eachother…especially if it doesn’t happen often, when it does happen we live it up as it is going to be the last….at least I do.
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Don’t give up. That’s the only thing I can say. I dated a bi girl back in college and our the way our relationship was sounds just like your married friends.
I’m a natural flirt and the fact that we both could comment on the women around us didn’t bother me in the least. I’d even let her comment on other men, I think it just boils down to insecurities and how jealous a man is.
Keep searching, we’re out there
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I found a man who understands…after reading this blog I am going to hug and kiss him again. It is soo nice to have people who understand. …. Anna…
Kudos to us beautiful women…Kudos.
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i realized i was bisexual when i was pregnant with my son 8+ years ago while i was married to my ex husband, i told him how i was feeling and he accepted it…we made my fantasy and of course his come true with another married couple…later we divorced b/c he was just not satisfying me any longer and i met another man thruogh a group of lesbian friends (that i met through my father (lesbian hag if thats what you call it) anyway back to the story…the new guy loved being with other women and going to swingers clubs but it didn’t work for substance abuse problems on his part….so i gave up on men completely and met a woman dated for 8months and moved in together..3months later her male cousin came to visit from another state and seduced me and she found out and left (i was in love with her and still love her tremendously) now i’m settled and comfortable with him but he like many other hardcore hispanic machista men won’t even have it my “bisexuality.” another problem is that i’m very jealous with him because i know his past. he is also so insecure about me sexuality that he doesn’t even like that i have plain girl-friends whether or not they are straight, gay, or otherwise….i don’t want to our relationship to end but i do want him to understand and give me some breathing space….we’ve talked about meeting someone together but then he thinks about and says no no b/c you’ll leave me for her…..pleasse help
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