ASK MISS BLISS - MY GIRLFRIEND’S USING COKE AND LYING ABOUT IT
Written by Miss Bliss on August 6, 2008 – 3:21 pm -Dear Miss Bliss,
My girlfriend started doing coke behind my back. This scares me because an ex-boyfriend of mine started doing coke and would beat me when he was high. So, as you can imagine, I hate that drug and all drugs (except a little weed - LOL).
We were spending all day every day together until she started doing coke again. It was really nice dating her even though we only kissed when we hung out. Now, we see each other maybe once a day and even though she doesn’t admit it, I know she’s using because she acts differently. She lies and is hyper and more angry.
We have only been dating a few months and now I am ready to move the relationship to a new stage, if you know what I mean. She is interested in us deepening our sexual relationship, too, but I don’t know how to approach the situation. I have done things with other girls, but not her.
But I am not sure if I should make the relationship deeper since she said she would stop using cocaine and hasn’t. If she’s using again, do you think should I leave her?
XOXOXOXO
CAUTIOUS AROUND COKEHEADS
Dear Cautious,
Although I think the United States Drug Policy is problematic and all drugs should be legalized, monitored, prescribed, and taxed, there are some drugs I just don’t get and cocaine is one of them.
I know what you are thinking: But, Miss Bliss, what’s not to like about doing a few lines?
And, I say to you, yes, cocaine is great. If you haven’t had the opportunity, it is a real treat to hang out with people doing lines. What’s better than sitting with boring, nonstop chattering people who say every inane thought that pops into their heads? Nothing is more attractive than people with tight jaws and nervous energy who are loud, obnoxious and slightly turned on but completely flaccid. How I enjoy irritable and cranky coke users who never, ever, ever, ever stop talking and then flip out in an angry outburst over nothing.
Wow. What a great drug. Where do I sign up?
1. IF SHE IS LYING TO YOU ABOUT COKE, SHE’S NOT GOOD GIRLFRIEND MATERIAL
Since you dated a guy who abused cocaine, you know the tell-tale signs when an addict is using. So I am sure you are right when you assume she is using behind your back. A girl who lies to you is not good girlfriend material. If she is not willing to be honest with you about her drug use, what else will she lie to you about?
2. TELL HER YOU ARE WORRIED ABOUT HER BEHAVIOR
It is obvious that you truly care about this girl and want the relationship to work. If that is the case, you should let her know how her behavior changes when she uses and how this makes it hard for you to be around her. Make sure to tell her how much you care about her and enjoy her company when she is not on cocaine. Remember, she feels more
3. YOU’RE WAY COOLER THAN SOME COKED-OUT CHICK
Obviously, you have already witnessed what an awful drug cocaine is, so already, you are way cooler than your girlfriend. You may want to do some searches on a community site like myspace for new friends who are not fans of boring, bad drugs that do not open the mind, but only close it tighter.
4. COKE-USERS GET UGLY FAST
Being aware of how drugs are harmful is a good thing even though it may not make you popular to drug-users. Just know that when you are in your 40s, your heart, circulatory system, and body will be as young and beautiful as it is now. Nothing ages a girl like a lot of cocaine.
5. IF SHE TRIPS OUT BECAUSE YOU CARE ABOUT HER, FIND A GIRL WHO IS READY TO BE LOVED
Only take a relationship to a deeper level if you know your partner is able and ready to love you as you deserve to be loved. If she is lying to you or using drugs behind your back, she is not able to be the girlfriend you deserve. When you share your concerns with her, if she is able to hear your words and change, then you should take the next step and extend your physical relationship. If she flips out, it is time to start dating new people until you find the girl who is ready to reciprocate your love.
6. HOW TO MOVE PAST FIRST BASE WITH A GIRL
(A) WHEN IT’S RIGHT, IT’S EASY Darling, Cautious About Coke-Heads, you write that in the past you have gone further than kissing with other girls. If it does not easily progress from kissing to more with your current girlfriend it may mean that she is not the right girl for you right now. When love is right it is easy. You do not have to “do” anything; true love is natural and easy. Sexual relations progress easily because the two of you cannot wait to rip each others’ clothes off!(B) UNLESS, IT’S RIGHT AND SHE’S A GIRL VIRGIN If this is her first relationship with a woman, she may just be scared she will not know how to make love to you. If this is the case, use your experience to be the more dominant lover. Make the first move to undress her, touch her, and make her climax. Once a girl orgasms, she becomes a lot less fearless about reciprocating the physical affection.
XOXOXOXOXO
BLISS WARRIOR
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HOTEL BLISS GIRLS: THE BOUTIQUE WILL BE LAUNCHING THIS FRIDAY!!!!
IF YOU WANT TO SELL YOUR HANDMADE GOODS AT THE HOTEL BLISS BOUTIQUE, E-MAIL ME AT BLISS@BLISSWARRIOR.COM.
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IF YOU ENJOYED READING THIS BLOG, YOU MAY ENJOY OTHER ASK MISS BLISS COLUMNS:
SHE LEAVES ME TONGUE-TIED
SHE’S MAD BECAUSE HER BOYFRIEND AND I WENT ALL THE WAY
MY GIRLFRIEND’S UNHAPPY WITHOUT A FEMALE LOVER
HE DOESN’T BELIEVE I’M COMMITTED
MY CUTE COWORKER IS FLIRTING AND LYING
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HAVE A QUESTION FOR ASK MISS BLISS? E-MAIL ME AT BLISS@BLISSWARRIOR.COM .
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Posted in ASK MISS BLISS, BISEXUALITY, RELATIONSHIPS, Uncategorized, bi-girls, bisexual, bisexual girls, boyfriends, cocaine, communication, dating girls, drug use, girls kissing, kissing, lovers, the first time, virginity |
ASK MISS BLISS - SHE LEAVES ME TONGUE-TIED
Written by Miss Bliss on July 21, 2008 – 3:53 pm -Dear Miss Bliss,
I thought I would ask you a question about the girl I am seeing. Michelle and I have been together since February and I still am very quiet with her. Naturally, I am a pretty laid back gal that isn’t the most talkative person in the bunch but I have NEVER been so quiet with someone…ever.
I think part of the problem is because Michelle is the first girl I have ever dated and is sooo beautiful. Every time I see her, my mouth drops and I get nervous and start stumbling over my words. I want to tell Michelle everything that’s on my mind but I don’t know how to get myself to do it. When I am with her, all I can think about is that my life is boring and I have nothing exciting to say. Or, if I do have something to say, I figure she will think that I’m weird and random for bringing it up.
I feel if I continue to be quiet Michelle will lose interest or she’ll think that I have my guard up. Thanks for listening!
XOXOXOXO
Tongue-Tied Girl
Dear Tongue-Tied Girl,
Congratulations on finding a beautiful girl who you adore. To be together for seven months is quite an accomplishment and you should feel very proud of your connection.
FIRST LOVE CAN TURN A MOTOR MOUTH MUTE
The good news is your situation is not uncommon. Your whole self has been shaken to the core because the unbelievable has happened: the beautiful girl likes you. Shocked that someone so pretty and charming wants to spend time with you (even though I am certain in her eyes, you are the gorgeous and witty one) you suddenly find yourself unable to say a word in her presence. Nervous, unusually quiet, and conversationally clumsy, you wonder why your mind has abandoned you. Well, darling, you are enjoying the complex side effects of first love that everyone must experience eventually. Luckily, I have a few tips that will help loosen up your conversation skills.
#1 KEEP EYE CONTACT WITH HER WHILE SHE IS TALKING
When you are self-conscious during a date, you are listening to that small, critical voice in your head and ignoring the sexy voice of the pretty girl across from you. To get out of your head and focus on her, take a moment to make sure you are looking her in the eyes when she is talking. Eye contact gets you out of your head and makes her feel “heard” as she talks. Words can only express so much; eyes express feeling. If you cannot say to her how beautiful she is with words, say it with your eyes.
#2 ASK HER QUESTIONS ABOUT HER
Studies have shown that the best conversationalists are the best listeners. Humans love to talk about themselves. Haven’t you been out with a friend and been shocked that over an hour and a half lunch she only talked about herself? If you ask your girl questions about her life, her past, her week and her thoughts, she will think you both had a great “conversation” and will feel closer to you even if you did not really talk about yourself. If she is the right girl for you, she will learn from you and begin asking you questions about your life.
#3 INVITE HER OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS
If you feel like you cannot be yourself around her, invite her out with your best friends (if they do not know you are bi, ask her if she’d like to come out as your “friend” – sometimes, it’s a real riot to be around your friends with your lover. You get to enjoy your secret flirtation.) When you are with your friends, you can be your truest, most confident self and see how much that delights your girlfriend. After a fun night out with the “real” and relaxed version of you, it will be easier to be the same girl with her on dates.
#4 BE PATIENT AND LOVING TO YOURSELF
Remember that your intense feelings are causing you to feel tongue-tied. Be kind to yourself and remember that everyone feels awkward when they first fall in love. The more you love yourself and remind yourself that this girl already adores you, the more you can enjoy being the magical girl you are.
XOXOXOOXXO
BLISS WARRIOR
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GOT A QUESTION FOR ASK MISS BLISS? E-MAIL ME AT BLISS@BLISSWARRIOR.COM
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THIS SATURDAY, BRUNCH WITH BLISS WARRIOR IN SAN DIEGO. ALREADY, 15 GIRLS ARE ATTENDING. YOU DO NOT WANT TO MISS THIS IF YOU ARE IN SAN DIEGO.
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Posted in ASK MISS BLISS, BISEXUALITY, baby bi-girls, bi-girls, bisexual, bisexual girls, communication, dating, dating girls, lovers |
ASK MISS BLISS – SHE’S MAD BECAUSE HER BOYFRIEND AND I WENT ALL THE WAY
Written by Miss Bliss on July 16, 2008 – 11:50 am -
Dear Miss Bliss,
I know you’re extremely busy, but I would be very interested to get some advice from you. I have been with my girlfriend for about five months now and things were going great until a couple days ago when she emailed me an angry letter:
“You sleeping with my boyfriend was NOT part of the deal. Obviously, the two of us didn’t talk about this before I had you come over. He said if I found a girl I liked enough to be my girlfriend that he didn’t mind. He said he’d enjoy watching, which I didn’t mind. I also wouldn’t have minded if he just played with you only using his hands and tongue. No weiner allowed! After you left the other night, I told him I felt horrible that he would actually have ‘sex’ with someone else. He told me to deal with it or you aren’t allowed over.”
She has a boyfriend and yes, all three of us had sex with one another. I preferred only to be with her, but I thought that it was just the agreement they had with each other, so I dealt with it. Well, now, after five months, she comes back and says she never wanted that to happen and the only way I can come over there is if he can have me, as well. So I don’t know what to do. I love her but I don’t want her to be upset because he wants to have sex with me, too.
Thanks for listening,
Caught in the Middle
Dear Caught in the Middle,
1. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG
First, you did everything right. To be with her, you had to be with her boyfriend, too. Even though you preferred to have her all to yourself, you understood she was in a relationship and tried to respect their rules.
2. COUPLES NEED TO DIRECTLY COMMUNICATE THEIR “RULES” TO THEIR LOVER BEFORE PROBLEMS ARISE
As your lover wrote, she and her boyfriend did not clearly discuss what was “part of the deal” before you came over. She did not tell him or you that she was uncomfortable with penetration. If she had, I am certain you would not have gone anywhere near his “weiner.” But she didn’t, and seems to blame you for not reading her mind and stopping the intercourse from happening. This is her fault and if she is angry, she should be angry at herself for not communicating her needs better.
3. CAN YOU BE WITH THEM AND NOT HAVE INTERCOURSE WITH HIM?
According to her letter, the two of them want something different. She wants to continue having threesomes, just without you and the boyfriend having intercourse. It seems he wants the sex to continue as it is. Obviously, dear reader, you have a problem. If being with her is important to you, it seems you cannot aggravate the situation by having intercourse with him. However, before you are with them again, you need to clearly tell them both that you do not want to continue having sexual intercourse with him because you do not want to cause tension or jealousy in their relationship.
4. WHAT IF HE STILL WANTS INTERCOURSE DURING THE NEXT THREESOME?
If you clearly communicated to them that you cannot have sexual intercourse during your encounters and he tries to have sex with you again, you may have to end the relationship with both of them. If he can’t respect her wishes or yours, you do not want to be involved with this couple. Sadly, if he acts badly she may just blame you. Some girls will always blame the “other” girl before focusing her anger on her man – even if he deserves it! If this is the case, it may be time to find a new, drama-free girlfriend.
5. NEVER, EVER HAVE SEX WITH A MAN JUST TO BE WITH HIS GIRL
I know that it can be very hard to find a female lover who you adore. When that girl is attached to a man, it is incredibly important to remember that you never have to be with her man if you do not want to be. I have heard some bi-girls say that they will “take one for the team” to be with a girl (meaning they will sleep with the boyfriend even when she does not want to.) Sexual intercourse is a sacred, loving ritual and should only be shared with partners you truly adore. Do not have sex with him just to be with her. It will only bring you drama.
OXXOXOXOXOOX
BLISS WARRIOR
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IF YOU ENJOYED THIS BLOG, YOU MAY ENJOY READING OTHER ASK MISS BLISS COLUMNS:
ASK MISS BLISS - A GIRL’S FIRST THREESOME
ASK MISS BLISS - A TOMBOY HANDLES JEALOUSY
ASK MISS BLISS - MARRIED TO A MAN AND IN LOVE WITH A WOMAN
ASK MISS BLISS - WHAT TO DO WITH UNEXPRESSED DESIRES
ASK MISS BLISS - TORN BETWEEN LOVERS
ASK MISS BLISS - MY BOYFRIEND’S PUSHING HARD FOR A THREESOME
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GOT A QUESTION FOR ASK MISS BLISS? E-MAIL ME AT BLISS@BLISSWARRIOR.COM
Posted in ASK MISS BLISS, BISEXUALITY, RELATIONSHIPS, SEX, bi-girls, bisexual, bisexual girls, boyfriends, communication, couples, dating, dating girls, group sex, intercourse, jealousy, love affairs, lovers |
ASK MISS BLISS - MY GIRLFRIEND’S UNHAPPY WITHOUT A FEMALE LOVER
Written by Miss Bliss on May 20, 2008 – 1:46 pm -Dear Miss Bliss,
My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half now, but we have been friends for nine. Until we got together, she had only dated a few guys, the last of which, really hurt her. Not only in the sense of a broken heart, but he broke her jaw. Since him, she was only in female relationships.
I was away at college for most of this. When I moved back, I couldn’t find her. It wasn’t until about a year later that I found her on Myspace. We started talking again, and it turned out she was in the process of ending another relationship. After a few weeks of hanging out, she told me she had a crush on me and for quite some time. I wanted to cry I was so happy. I had a crush on her since I first met her. She had been coming to me for advice for years, and I just sat back and helped her the best I could. It was killing me the whole time, but I wanted to see her happy.
When we first started dating, everything was great. We spent all the time we could together. One night while we were talking, she told me that she missed being with other girls a little bit. Not the relationship part, but sexually. So we talked about it a bit, and she asked if it was okay if she had another girl join us from time to time. I told her that was fine with me, but I actually had some concerns about it. What if she found out she liked being with girls more than me? Or fell for someone else? But we had a few experiences and all went good. I felt a little left out at times, but not too much for me to handle. I still got to participate fully.
Now, here is the problem. The last time we had “company” was 6 months ago. She can find plenty of girls that want to play with her, just not with us. I told her that she could play without me around, just as long as I knew about it. She said that is cheating and she wouldn’t do it. So I asked her, what if I just sat in the room with them? Not to join, but just to make her feel like it wasn’t cheating. She’s not going for that idea either. This has been dragging on for months. And I’m really starting to feel like I’m inadvertently keeping her from a part of her life that is a part of her.
At first when she started mentioning the idea of having a girl join us again, it didn’t seem urgent at all. She put up one post on Craigslist, checked a few posts, and nothing really came from it. It was no big deal. But now she posts one or more things a week and checks Craigslist twice daily. I really think she is getting irritated that she can find several absolutely stunning women that want to be with her, just not me. I don’t believe our relationship is in danger, but I do think she is going through some kind of withdrawal. I know she won’t cheat, but I need to find a way to help her be happier.
Sincerely,
Boyfriend Battling her Blues
Dear Boyfriend,
First, let me say how lucky your girl is to have found a guy who is so supportive, caring and loving. She is truly blessed to have a boyfriend who understands her sexuality and trusts her enough to encourage her to continue exploring it.
Second, she seems like a really committed, loving and honest partner and friend. It is really good that she does not want to have lovers without you and wants to include you in all sexual adventures. This is a sign that your connection is her number one priority and that your relationship is strong and loving.
1. IF SHE CHOOSES TO HAVE A “CLOSED” RELATIONSHIP, DO NOT FEEL LIKE YOU ARE KEEPING HER FROM HAPPINESS
It is very normal for her to be uncomfortable with the idea of you watching her while not being allowed to participate. You are her primary partner and even though she still loves girls, the sexual tryst may feel “empty” if you are not fully involved because you have her heart. There are some bi-girls who like to play on their own, but many would not enjoy or even consider play without their primary partner. As your girl so clearly tells you, that would feel like cheating. Since you have offered to let her play outside of the relationship or just watch and she has said no, she decided your relationship will be “closed”. If she is unhappy when she cannot find a lover to share with you, this is not your fault. Instead of making this into a problem by worrying about it, be the man that is proud that his girl loves him so much, she cannot make love without him.
2. DO BI-GIRLS NEED TO HAVE FEMALE LOVERS TO BE CONTENT IN A HETEROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP?
There is a common misconception that once a girl is bisexual, she cannot be sexually fulfilled unless she is dating both a man and a woman. The truth is a little more complicated. Even for girls who have open relationships, they do not always want two lovers. Sometimes a bi-girl can be in a gay or straight relationship for years, or even a lifetime, without “missing” sex with the other gender. Even couples who play a lot sometimes need time to just be together, one-on-one. Since your girlfriend is not interested in playing without you and is still openly and honestly searching for the right lover for you both, don’t worry that the search is making her unhappy. Instead, focus on loving her right now and be proud that she is so true and dedicated to you.
3. SOMETIMES FINDING A THIRD IS HARD AND MAYBE THAT IS A GOOD THING
I know that you are concerned that you are inadvertently keeping her from being happy if she does not have female sexual companionship. It can be very hard to meet the right person to bring into your relationship, at times. You are both very lucky to have already had such nice connections with female lovers. For some couples, this is a shared fantasy that never becomes a reality, so, already, you are ahead of the pack. Remember that it is okay to have a period of time where you two are monogamous. Sometimes, the universe makes it hard to find a third because you both need time to be together and work on your core relationship. If you are concerned for her happiness, do not create drama and worry that she cannot be fulfilled in a relationship that is just with you. Instead, focus on loving her, being her sexual champion, and keeping her happy in your bed.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
BLISS WARRIOR
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IF YOU ENJOYED READING THIS BLOG, YOU MAY ENJOY READING:
ASK MISS BLISS - HOW DOES A “GOOD GUY” MEET A BI-GIRL?
ASK MISS BLISS - MY BOYFRIEND’S PUSHING HARD FOR A THREESOME
THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION, HOW DO I MEET BI-GIRLS, PT I?
THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION, HOW DO I MEET BI-GIRLS, PT II?
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GOT A QUESTION FOR ASK MISS BLISS? E-MAIL ME AT BLISS@BLISSWARRIOR.COM
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Posted in ASK MISS BLISS, BISEXUALITY, RELATIONSHIPS, bi-girls, bisexual, bisexual girls, boyfriends, craigslist, happiness, love affairs, lovers, meeting girls, myspace |
ASK MISS BLISS - HE DOESN’T BELIEVE I’M COMMITTED
Written by Miss Bliss on April 28, 2008 – 3:01 pm -Dear Miss Bliss,
I am writing to you about a recent development concerning dating men as a bi-girl. I am dating a man and I was up front from the beginning about being bi. Later, we discussed how he actually felt about being intimate with me knowing that I am a bi-girl. He responds with the following statement: “I like you. I really like how we spend our time together: watching tv, smoking bowls, laughing, playing online poker, etc. I am, however, concerned that your being bi will be harder for me to actually come to grips with if we were really considering a relationship beyond what this two week encounter allows. I mean, what if you decide one morning all you want is women?”
“What?!” I explained to him, “I am bi, and I use this term because I like being with both men and women. BUT that doesn’t mean I like them both at the same time. I definitely am not straight one day and randomly lesbian the next. I like both men and women equally everyday. I handle each relationship/encounter/person one at a time. I only like women, one woman at a time, just like I only like to date one man at a time. Unless my cheater-armor becomes penetrated and flawed, you don’t have to worry.”
I am writing to you because I was curious to see what you thought.
Ciao,
Hopelessly Devoted Bi-Girl
Dearest Devoted Girl,
One of the stereotypes bi-women are struggling to overcome is the myth that they are unable to have committed relationships with one partner. According to Lisa Diamond, an associate professor of psychology and gender studies at the University of Utah, bisexual women are not only capable of having long-term committed relationships with one partner, but they are more likely to have longer-lasting relationships than their straight and lesbian sisters. (To read more about Ms. Diamond’s study, click here to read “Bisexuals Are No Longer Confused”.)
THERE IS NO “ONE-TYPE” OF BI-GIRL
Being bisexual is confusing to many straight and gay people. Negative stereotypes about bisexuals have been reinforced by the porn industry and the media through films like, “Basic Instinct”. According to them, female bisexuals are sex-crazed sluts who will “sleep with anything that moves” and, therefore, cannot be trusted to be committed partners (plus, in the case of film, they may just be insane killers on top of everything else). The truth, however, is there are many different ways to be bi. Some girls, like you, are interested in monogamous relationships with either a man or a woman. Some are in relationships but enjoy bringing long-term lovers into their connection. Others enjoy casual encounters with friends or acquaintances, while others are in open relationships where play remains outside of the primary relationship. There are even bi-girls who enjoy a combination of the above. The point is, as a bisexual community it is up to us to fight these negative stereotypes.
BEING BI IS CHOOSING LOVE BEFORE GENDER
Being bisexual is not about whom you are having sex with, it is about how you approach love. Bi women are open to love before gender. A bisexual girl will choose her partner based not on the sex organs they were born with, but on the spiritual, physical and emotional connection they share.
CONFRONT NEGATIVE STEREOTYPES ONE PERSON AT A TIME
Be gentle with your new love interest. Many people do not how wonderful, committed, communicative, loving, and thoughtful bi-girls are. They assume that all bisexuals are confused, dishonest, malicious, sex and drug-addicted swingers because that has been the primary way they have been portrayed by porn-makers and the media. The only way we can change negative stereotypes is by confronting them one at a time. I applaud you for choosing honesty in your relationships and for helping to teach one other person the truth about the bisexual community.
XOXOXOXOOX
BLISS WARRIOR
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IF YOU ENJOYED THIS BLOG, YOU MAY ENJOY READING:
BISEXUALS ARE NO LONGER CONFUSED
THERE IS NO “ONE-TYPE” OF BI-GIRL
BOYFRIENDS WHO CAN’T HANDLE BI-GIRLS
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COMING UP THIS WEEK ON BLISS WARRIOR:
TUESDAY: OUR GUEST BLOGGER, V., RETURNS WITH CHAPTER TWO OF “AND THEN THERE WERE TWO”. IF YOU MISSED THE FIRST CHAPTER, CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP.
THURSDAY: THE BEST OF THE HOTEL BLISS GUEST BLOG. HOTEL BLISS IS OPEN FOR TESTING AND ALREADY BI-GIRLS ARE SHARING THEIR EXPERIENCES, FEELINGS, AND TRUE STORIES. WE WILL HIGHLIGHT THE BEST BLOGS EACH WEEK HERE AT BLISS WARRIOR. I KNOW YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED.
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Posted in ASK MISS BLISS, IDENTITY, RELATIONSHIPS, bi-girls, bisexual, bisexual girls, boyfriends, commitment, dating, monogamy |
ASK MISS BLISS - MY CUTE COWORKER IS FLIRTING AND LYING
Written by Miss Bliss on March 17, 2008 – 6:36 am -
Hi Bliss,
I need some advice. There is a girl that’s been very flirtatious with me at my job. I see her all the time and I finally got the nerve to really talk to her. She is definitely someone that I would want to include in my sexual life, but I think she got weirded-out when I told her I was married.
However, we talked for a good while and she told me that she was 22. I am 21. So I looked at her myspace profile and it says that she is 20 years old. I’m wondering, why would she lie?
And even though I already spoke to her, I still get really nervous around her. How do I get over that? She’s very friendly still but I just don’t know how to invite her to go out… Does this make sense?
Thank you so much! Take care and have a peaceful day!
Love,
M.
Dearest M,
Darling, when I lived in Brazil in another life, the Brazilian women were shocked that I didn’t lie about my age. “I’m only 18. Why would I lie about my age now to appear younger,” I asked. “In America, when you are under 21, you pretend to be older so you can get into clubs and bars.”
“Sure,” a Brazilian friend of mine said. “But if you start telling people you are 15 now, when you turn 30, everyone will think you are 27!”
WHY DO GIRLS LIE ABOUT THEIR AGE?
Our culture encourages women to lie about their age for two reasons: (1) to appear younger to seem more attractive or (2) to appear older to have access to adult life (i.e., cigarettes, alcohol, bars and clubs). In the case of your attractive coworker, my guess is that she is lying to you to seem “cooler” and “more mature”. She may not want you to know that she cannot legally go to bars. Whatever the reason, saying she is two years older than her real age is not a big deal. If she were a minor and was lying about her age, that would be a problem. It is never a good idea to get yourself caught up in a potential statutory rape situation.
IS IT A GOOD IDEA TO DATE A COWORKER?
If she is still friendly and flirtatious after you have shared your marital status, you should go ahead and ask her out. But before you do, make sure you think about the consequences of dating a coworker. Certainly your other coworkers know that you are married, and may be shocked if anything were to get out about an office love affair with a female colleague. Plus, if it ends badly, you may experience a lot of tension in the office, especially if you work directly with her.
However, sometimes work is the only place we have to meet someone special. If this is the case, and you think she is worth potential unhappiness in the work environment, I say go for it. Just be discreet and careful.
HOW DO YOU GET BEYOND YOUR NERVES AND ASK A GIRL OUT?
Many girls get nervous before they ask a girl out. Sometimes, it is because they are not sure if the girl is bisexual and they don’t want to freak her out if she isn’t. So, a good way to find out if she is indeed bi or bi-curious, is to let her know you are bisexual.
If you are too shy to tell her you are bi, you may want to drop some hints that you are into girls. For example, if you are a fan of the L-Word (or you love hating it), you might want to ask if she watches, too. If she does, she may just be open to dating girls. Does she listen to Ani DiFranco? Maybe she’s a fan of the Suicide Girls or the television show, Big Love? Drop some sapphic favorites and see if she really is a bi-girl like you.
Some of my myspace friends use the Bliss Warrior blog to see if a girl is bi-friendly. One bliss girl in Texas was working in a sandwich shop when two cute girls came in. They flirted and talked, and when the girls were about to leave, she handed them both a piece of paper with myspace.com/theblisswarrior written on it and her e-mail address. Later, one of the girls e-mailed her back, delighted to let her know that she was bi, too.
AN AFTER WORK DRINK ISN’T A DATE & CAN BE LOTS OF FUN
Another easy way to ask her out is to start small and ask her if she’d like to get an after work drink. (If she is only 20, you may want to suggest going out for tea.) Lots of coworkers go for a drink after work and it will give you a chance to see what your dynamic is like outside of the office. And, let’s face it, it’s much easier to flirt with a girl when you have a drink or two!
But no matter what, trust your instincts. If you feel like she is flirting with you, don’t worry about it - enjoy the attention. Make sure to give her plenty of warmth and kindness in return. Be yourself and know that she already enjoys who you are.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
BLISS WARRIOR
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IF YOU ENJOYED READING THIS BLOG, YOU MAY ALSO ENJOY:
ASK MISS BLISS - THE ART OF FLIRTATION
ASK MISS BLISS - HOW DO I KNOW IF I’M BI?
ASK MISS BLISS - MARRIED TO A MAN AND IN LOVE WITH A WOMAN
ASK MISS BLISS - WHY WON’T SHE MEET ME FOR A DATE?
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HAVE A QUESTION FOR ASK MISS BLISS? E-MAIL ME AT bliss@blisswarrior.com
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Happy St. Patrick’s Day to all the marvelous girls out there!
Posted in ASK MISS BLISS, BISEXUALITY, RELATIONSHIPS, Uncategorized, baby bi-girls, bi-girls, bisexual, bisexual girls, dating, dating girls, flirting, lovers |
ASK MISS BLISS - I TOLD HIM I LOVED HER
Written by Miss Bliss on March 4, 2008 – 8:51 pm -Dearest Bliss,
I have been communicating with another bi-girl for quite some time and find her to be the most ideal out of all my past female partners and encounters. She is so naturally striking and unlike any woman I have ever met. She has proven to be someone I connect with emotionally. I can share all my thoughts with her and she truly cares about what I have to say.
Maybe I am getting ahead of myself, but I do not know how to handle my feelings. I have never been so enamored with a woman like I am with her. Not too long ago, while gushing about her to my man, I blurted out that I loved her.
I think I am in love with her which is my greatest fear. In my past, I have had very negative relationships and encounters with women. It scares me, because I never felt like this about any other person except for my man.
I have no idea where to go from here. We are really great friends and I do not want to tarnish that. At the same time, I feel this agonizing lump in my tummy every time we talk. This is far from my territory and I have no idea what to do next. As a well seasoned bi-girl, can you please walk me through this….???
XOXOXOXO
In Love & Terrified
Dear In Love & Terrified,
First of all, congratulations on having an open, honest, and loving relationship with your man. How sweet it was to imagine you in his arms, blurting out your love for your new lover, and sharing your fear that she might break your heart. He is a wonderful man to be so understanding during your new love affair, and you are lucky to have such a loving partner.
1. CAN YOU BE IN LOVE BEFORE YOU’VE MET?
From your letter, it seems like the two of you have been “communicating” which loosely translated means you have never met in person. It is incredibly easy to have a magnificent love affair over the internet or the phone, because your imagination is involved. Since you have not met the girl in person, you only know her through her written and spoken words. Any details left out, your imagination fills in with a romantic image of your lover. Before meeting, it is easy to believe she is the most perfect female partner ever - and she may just be. But until you have met, you are not in love with her. You are, however, deeply, marvelously, passionately infatuated with her, which is different.
2. IS FRIENDSHIP BETTER THAN THE RISK OF A BROKEN HEART?
Many baby bi-girls worry that if they let themselves fall in love with their friend that they will ruin the friendship. The question you have to ask yourself is this - when you look back at this time ten years from now, will you be happy or sad that you risked your heart for love? If she is indeed a bi-girl like you - and you met because you were both seeking the same perfect love affair - do not blow a fantastic connection for friendship’s sake. Most bi-girls who meet and connect strongly, care about maintaining the friendship when the love affair dies down. If you give her honesty and respect, and love her madly, she will want to be your friend in the end, no matter what happens emotionally and sexually.
3. THE FIRST TIME YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH A GIRL IT IS POWERFUL
An established bi-girl friend of mine once said, “I’ll never date a girl-virgin again. I can’t deal with them falling in love and getting all crazy and possessive.” It is true. The first time you fall in love with a girl is very much like the first time you fall in love with a man. It is nearly impossible to avoid giving your heart to her and becoming a silly fourteen year-old girl again. But here is the thing to remember: the first time should be a powerful emotional experience. Perhaps it will end with some pain, but it may just end naturally and calmly. The point is this, dear In Love & Terrified, you are already giving this girl your heart. If she is ready to give you hers, I say dive in and prepare to feel all the ups and downs of new love. Remember, it is a journey and it will not last forever - you both already have primary male partners. So love, but be wise and remember no matter how wonderful the affair, it will have an expiration date.
4. WHERE DO YOU GO FROM HERE?
Darling, girl, it is time to be brave and ask your lover out on a real date. Bring her flowers, wear a really cute, sexy outfit and have fun. Let her know what you are nervous about and what concerns you. Be sincere and be your wonderful self. Know that she will be as nervous as you are so make her feel comfortable by telling her why she is so different from the other women you have met before. Share how surprised you are by the connection and by how easy it is to talk with her. Flirt with the eyes and make sure to listen. Trust yourself and you will know the right thing to say and do at the right time.
5. MAKE SURE TO PASSIONATELY LOVE YOUR MAN AS YOU TELL HIM EVERY DETAIL
And, of course, after your date, make sure to share your love affair with your marvelous man. Share every sexy detail and tell him how loved he is and how amazing he is to support your sexual exploration. Then throw him down and make mad love to him. The best part about having a lover, is returning home to the deeper love you share with your partner.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
BLISS WARRIOR
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THANKS ONCE AGAIN TO THE MARVELOUS BI LEADERS IN NYC’S BI WOMEN OF ALL COLORS GROUP. I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME MEETING YOU ALL ON SUNDAY AND AM LOOKING FORWARD TO WRITING ABOUT THE INCREDIBLE BI-GIRLS I MET. IT WAS SO MUCH FUN AND I WISH I COULD HAVE STAYED LONGER!
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IF YOU ENJOYED THIS BLOG, YOU MAY ENJOY READING:
ASK MISS BLISS - MY HUSBAND’S NOT COMFORTABLE WITH ME HAVING A GIRLFRIEND
ASK MISS BLISS - A GIRL’S FIRST THREESOME
ASK MISS BLISS - AM I STILL A VIRGIN?
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Posted in ASK MISS BLISS, BISEXUALITY, RELATIONSHIPS, Uncategorized, baby bi-girls, bi-girls, bisexual, bisexual girls, boyfriends, communication, dating girls, love affairs, lovers, meeting girls, new york |
ASK MISS BLISS - WHY WON’T SHE MEET ME FOR A DATE?
Written by Miss Bliss on February 28, 2008 – 4:30 pm -Dear Miss Bliss,
I met this girl on Craigslist. She responded to my ad and said she was a lot of fun. I picked her out of a bunch of replies, not only because she was attractive but seemed the most sane! I’ve never done this before, and had no idea how it worked.
We started e-mailing back and forth, and eventually were messaging each other. She lives with her boyfriend, and I have a boyfriend too, and we were both looking for the same thing.
Everything seemed to be great, and I was really excited to meet her, but a month went by and she still hadn’t made a date. I made vague comments like, “Let’s meet sometime soon,” to encourage dialogue but she made it really awkward.
Now, I’m in a weird space — should I try to meet her, or is she over it? I asked her if she had changed her mind, and she replied, “No, have you?”
I finally texted her after not talking to her for a few weeks to try and meet for drinks,
and didn’t get a response. What should I do now? Just leave her alone?
Thanks for the advice.
Love,
Confused.
Dear Confused,
First of all, congratulations for posting an ad on Craigslist and meeting another cool, fun, attractive bi-girl. I am always delighted to hear that bi-girls are finding each other through the Internet.
There are many reasons why she has not yet met you in person. Girls are generally chased by male attention. When two girls try to date, the girls are not always sure how to chase the other one without seeming “creepy” or “too much”. I personally believe, the LESS you go after the girl, the more likely she will find you interesting and come to you. Now, many friends hate when I say this and often replay, “I don’t want to play games! I want to be honest. If I like a girl, I’m going to tell her and hope she’ll like me, too.” Darling Confused Reader, the following tips are not “game playing” they are simply - in my humble opinion - the rules of the girl dating game.
Everyone wants to feel like they found a partner or a lover that is a little bit “out of their league”. A girl wants to feel like she had to work a little to get this person to notice and like her. So, dear girl, let this attractive girl work a little bit to get your attention, since you’ve already worked hard enough to get hers.
1. GIRLS WITH BOYFRIENDS HAVE BUSY LIVES
Bi-girls with primary partners are very busy and are already juggling work, family, friendships, and their love life. So if she does not write you back or text you back right away, she may just be busy. Wait. Be Patient. Let her know that you have a busy, full, exciting life, too. When she writes you back eventually you can wait a little to reply or write her back immediately. I suggest waiting and see how fast she writes you back the next time.
2. THE LESS YOU PUSH HER TO MEET, THE MORE SHE’LL WANT TO
It isn’t rocket science, but it is human behavior. The less you push for a meeting, the more she will. Often, when my bi-girl friends are flirting with a girl online and don’t push to meet, the other girl begins pushing for a date. They say, “Wait, I’m enjoying getting to know you,” and the friendship and trust grow, while the other girl’s desire increases, as well.
3. IF YOU ARE TOO EAGER, SHE MAY THINK YOU’RE NEEDY
All girls are worried that their female lover will be “crazy” or “needy” or “too codependent”. Because they have not had experience with sane, cool, fun bi-girls, they will be nervously searching for signs of needy behavior. Be relaxed and chill and enjoy flirting with the girl without pushing to meet. She will find you sexy, and her fears of your “innate female craziness” will lessen.
4. FOCUS ON THE FRIENDSHIP FIRST, AND SHE’LL WANT TO MEET YOU
I always stress to my bi-curious friends, develop the friendship first. The best relationships are built on trust, so build trust through e-mailing first. Once a friendship is built, no girl will want to go without meeting her new, wonderful friend in person.
5. KEEP FLIRTING WITH GIRLS UNTIL THE RIGHT ONE WANTS YOU
Until you go on a date with that perfect lover, keep posting on Craigslist and develop many flirtations. You never know, while you wait to meet your ideal girl lover you just might make a great group of bi-girl friends in the process.
6. DEVELOP THE ONLINE FRIENDSHIP AND HOLD OFF MEETING IN PERSON
Since she didn’t return your last text, I would not contact her until she contacts you or until a month or so has gone by. You do not want to seem needy or psycho, so relax, go back to your Craigslist posting, and start meeting other girls. You have found one potential, but their may be a better fit for you out there. In a month, send your girl an e-mail just checking in with her. I bet she will be happy to hear from you!
XOXOXOXOXO
BLISS WARRIOR
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HAVE A QUESTION FOR ASK MISS BLISS? E-MAIL ME AT bliss@blisswarrior.com.
Posted in ASK MISS BLISS, RELATIONSHIPS, boyfriends, dating, dating girls, flirting, online dating |
FIVE NEGATIVE STEREOTYPES ABOUT BISEXUALS
Written by Miss Bliss on February 18, 2008 – 11:26 am -Dear Miss Bliss,
I don’t know if I would classify myself as bi. I don’t really know what my sexuality is. I am only 22 years old and have been in a serious relationship for the past three years. I knew I was attracted to girls before I met my current boyfriend. I’ve been lucky in the sense that I can talk to my man openly about my bisexual feelings and he understands. His only rule is that he be allowed to participate.
The only problem is I don’t want him to be there when I have my first experience with a girl. A lot of it is my own insecurity and the other part is I want to experience my first time without an audience.
A year ago, I set out to find a girl to explore my curiosity with and - unbelievably - met someone through Craigslist and we really hit it off. When we finally met in person, I couldn’t believe my luck! Not only was she beautiful, we had so much in common, and there was never an awkward silence between the two of us. We knew right away that we could be great friends.
Towards the end of the date, things got very physical. Needless to say, there was a lot of alcohol involved and we weren’t very careful about what we were doing. We were hooking up in her car outside of my apartment and my boyfriend caught us in the act - naked and everything.
Before I continue, you should know that my boyfriend is a very stereotypical Latin man who is jealous, possessive, immature, but also loving and passionate, and he worships the ground I walk on. He was very hurt that I went out with a girl behind his back and it took a long time and a lot of apologizing to get him to forgive me. In the end, he told me that I could no longer see this girl or even talk to her. He even went as far as calling her and telling her to stay away from me. Of course, she got freaked out and we decided to cool it.
It’s been a year and I have not been able to forget her. The whole incident was devastating to me. Ever since then it’s been hard for me go out without my boyfriend without being grilled about the night extensively when I get home.
A lot of time has passed and my desire to be with a woman is overwhelming. I am constantly asking myself if I even want to be with a man at all. When we’re having sex I find myself fantasizing about being with a woman and that’s how I get off! I’ve tried to convince him to let me have a special “friend” on the side but he’s afraid I will leave him for her, so the same first rule applies: only if he’s involved. And I’m still not comfortable with that.
In a few weeks, I will be moving out of our apartment and I am hoping to use that new freedom to explore what it’s like to really be with a woman. I don’t know that it’s fair to stay in a relationship with him knowing that what I really want is a woman’s touch. However - and I know this sounds selfish - I am afraid to break up with him only to realize I can’t find a decent girl.
Can you give me some advice? Also, do you think what I’m doing is wrong?
xoxox
CAUGHT CHEATING IN THE CAR
Darling Caught Cheating,
It’s not often that I feel sorry for the jealous possessive boyfriend, but your letter has made it happen. It is also very rare that an Ask Miss Bliss letter makes me wonder if all of those negative stereotypes about bisexuals may just be true and accurate. Sweet girl, I know you are young, and I am so glad you wrote to me because you may never be a happy bisexual girl unless you make some changes in your behavior.
FIVE NEGATIVE STEREOTYPES ABOUT BISEXUALS THAT YOUR LETTER IS REINFORCING:
1. BISEXUALS ARE CONFUSED
It is fine to be unsure if the labels bi, straight or gay are right for you. However, if you are calling yourself “curious” (and therefore, implying you are bisexual) when you are behaving badly (i.e., lying and cheating on your man) you are teaching him and your lover that bisexuals are liars and cheaters. Stop reinforcing the negative stereotypes we are trying to dismantle and get honest and open in your sexual behavior. There is no need to lie or cheat but you have to be strong to be ethical and honest. Know that the enemy is not your partner wanting to be involved - it is you for not being able to stick to the terms of your relationship!
2. BISEXUALS CANNOT COMMIT
Even though you know that your man is jealous and the two of you have agreed that you will not do anything with a girl “unless he is involved”, you still lie to him. You are not brave enough to break off the relationship to explore your “curiosity” on your own. Instead, you go behind his back on the Internet searching for girls, and even go on a date with a girl and get naked right in front of the apartment you share, and are still mad at him when he can no longer trust you. Do you see how you are reinforcing the negative stereotype that bisexuals cannot be trusted?
3. BISEXUALS THINK BEING WITH A GIRL BEHIND THEIR MAN’S BACK IS NOT CHEATING
Lesbians have a right to be angry and/or suspicious when bisexual woman come on to them in bars because of “curious” girls like you, darling reader. Bi-women who are in serious relationships with men often believe that their man has no right to be jealous when they are with girls because “they wouldn’t leave him for a girl.” Many sincere, kind, sexy lesbians have been toyed around with lying curious-and-not-sure-if-they-are-bi girls who are cheating on men. I am sure your perfect girlfriend was “freaked out” when you’re man called her to tell her to stay away from you - but she was not just freaked out by him. She learned that you were lying to him and to her, and what girl would want to date someone like that? No wonder some lesbians want nothing to do with bi-girls; they have been burned by behavior similar to yours.
4. BI-GIRLS SHOULDN’T HAVE TO INCLUDE THEIR PRIMARY PARTNER
Darling girl, many bi-curious girls say that they want their first time with a girl NOT to involve their partner for two reasons: (1) it is much easier to hook up with a girl when no man is involved, and (2) they do not trust their man enough to share the experience with him. But here, again, is why this type of behavior reinforces negative stereotypes about bisexuals. First, it demonstrates that you do not want to enjoy a lover to DEEPEN your connection with your primary relationship. Second, if your man does not approve of you being alone with a girl for the first time, then anything behind his back is cheating. Just because she is a girl and you think you will not fall in love with her does not make it fair to lie and cheat. What you need to be working on is your relationship with your man. If he will not let you have lovers on the side and you will not include him, then you need to get a therapist and start couples therapy immediately. Or, it may be time to end the relationship because it is obvious you do not respect his needs or his feelings. Don’t reinforce the stereotype that bisexuals cannot have healthy long-term relationships; just get honest.
5. BISEXUALS WANT THEIR CAKE AND TO EAT IT, TOO
According to your letter, you have already had a “first time” with a girl in a car but you now want a second “first time” without your man’s involvement even though you KNOW it will hurt him terribly. In order to do this, you are going to move out of the apartment you share so you will have “easier access” to girls. Well, this is fine except for the fact that you are STILL planning on lying to him because you do not want to end the relationship out of fear of being alone. Darling, this reinforces the stereotype that bisexuals are selfish and only care about their own sexual desires and pleasures. By lying to your man, you are also setting up relationships with women that are based on lies. You WON’T find a healthy relationship with a woman until you are ready to date in an honest and respectful manner.
Darling Reader, there are so many amazing bisexual woman who are honest with themselves, their partners and their lovers. Their lives become happy and drama-free just by being ethical and responsible to the people they love. Be the Bi-Girl You Want to Meet and get honest. It just makes life better and easier.
OXOXOXOXOXOXO
BLISS WARRIOR
Posted in ASK MISS BLISS, BISEXUALITY, IDENTITY, RELATIONSHIPS, SEX, Uncategorized, baby bi-girls, bi-girls, bisexual, bisexual girls, boyfriends, cheating, commitment, communication, couples, craigslist, dating girls, heterosexual, jealousy, lesbian, meeting girls, the first time, undressing girls, virginity |
THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION, HOW DO I MEET BI-GIRLS?
Written by Miss Bliss on February 12, 2008 – 12:55 pm -Darling Bliss Warriors,
As many of you know, this week marks the one-year anniversary of Bliss Warrior and what an amazing year it has been! When I first began Bliss Warrior, I wondered if anyone would be interested in my blog. You can imagine my surprise as each month it has grown in readership. As of today, I’ve had over 50,000 hits and each day the number of readers grows. So, I thank you all. Thank you for reading, thank you for your letters, and thank you for referring your sexy friends.
Since I began the Ask Miss Bliss column, the most common letter I receive is, “How do I meet a Bi-girl?” There is no bar for bisexual women to meet, so how do bi-girls find one another? Some try posting on Craigslist; others have taken my advice and created bisexual myspace pages; others have been so bold as to host brunches in their hometowns for bi-girls to meet for friendship and community. But still, the letters pour in.
“Miss Bliss, when will you host a brunch in San Francisco?” “When are you coming to Chicago?” “How does a bi-girl in St. Louis meet other bisexuals?” Obviously, I do not yet have the funds or time to host brunches all over the country and even when I do, it seems the week after I leave more emails come in saying, “I missed your brunch. When is the next one?”
Luckily, a few months ago, a talented graphic designer and baby bi-girl in Hawaii contacted me, asking if she could help support the growth of Bliss Warrior. Perhaps some of you noticed that my commercial site became prettier, more professional, and definitely sexier. This is all thanks to my talented Hawaiian designer and the fabulous programmer she brought into our small, grassroots team.
In the last three months, the three of us have been working hard to create an answer to my most frequent question, “How do I meet bi-girls”, and next month, we are proud to announce the opening of the first-ever cyberspace “bar” for bisexual women….
HOTEL BLISS -A PLACE FOR BI-GIRLS AND THEIR FRIENDS
Hotel Bliss will launch in mid-March. It will be for women only and is a completely private site for bi-girls to be themselves and find others in their hometowns.
So many bisexual women have posted on Craigslist only to be harassed by men and to receive ugly pictures of hairy genitalia. On Myspace, many girls have changed their sexual identity from “bi” to “undisclosed” because of unwanted disgusting emails from men who should know better.
Many bi-curious girls write me saying they are too scared their family or coworkers will find out they are bi that they are basically paralyzed into doing nothing. Hotel Bliss will give them a safe, private place to explore their curiosity while meeting like-minded friends.
Hotel Bliss is about community, friendship, and support for bisexual women. It will not be a swinger site or a place for cruising (there are plenty of those sites already out there). It is a place for bi-girls to know that they are not alone and that there are many of us out there who want the same things: healthy, sensuous, ethical, open, honest and fun relationships.
Every year I go to a Pride Parade, and whether it’s in New York or Los Angeles, there is always a moment when I wonder to my man, “Where are all the bi-girls? When do we get our Pride Parade?” Ladies, this is the year for bi-women to stop feeling alone. This is the year we stop being the little “b” in LGBT… This is the year where we become proud of all the expressions of the bisexual identity: monosexual, pansexual, poly, whatever… We are all magical bi creatures and deserve to be as proud as our lesbian, straight, gay and transgender brothers and sisters. The only reason we have not felt this way is because we have felt alone. Hotel Bliss seeks to change this.
I hope you all join me in late March when Hotel Bliss officially launches. This is a grassroots organization and we need your participation and support to help the community grow.
Again, thank you for supporting Bliss Warrior. None of this could happen without you.
XOXOOXXOXOXOXO
BLISS WARRIOR
Posted in ASK MISS BLISS, BISEXUALITY, BLISSWARRIOR NEWS, HOTEL BLISS, baby bi-girls, bi-girls, bisexual, bisexual girls, friends, fun, meeting girls |