CHOCOLATE PUDDING THAT IS DAIRY, WHEAT AND NUT-FREE
Written by Miss Bliss on April 24, 2008 – 9:43 am -
My darling childhood friend recently found our that her nine-month old baby is allergic to dairy, wheat and nuts. Since she is still breastfeeding, this means she cannot eat dairy, wheat or nuts either!
“What I miss most is fat,” says Sonia. “I’m starving and just want to eat chocolate! Do you have any dessert recipes that are dairy, wheat and nut-free?”
“Actually, girl, you are in luck! Did you know you can make an amazing chocolate pudding out of ripe avocados?”
“Shut up,” says Sonia with a laugh. “You are not serious.”
“Really! The avocado is a great creamy base for the pudding and the chocolate masks any avocado taste. Plus, you get lots of really great fats and vitamins from the avocado. Not only will it satisfy your cravings, it will make your skin glow and your hair shine.”
“Send me the recipe. I’m starving for chocolate.”
RAW VEGAN CHOCOLATE PUDDING
2 T organic chocolate
1 cup water
1 t. vanilla extract
1/4 t. cinnamon
10 pitted dates, soaked in water for 5-10 minutes and drained
1 avocado, ripe
strawberries
1. In a food processor or high-speed blender, process all ingredients except strawberries, dates and avocado.
2. While the food processor is running, alternate dates and avocado until the entire mixture is smooth.
3. In a wine or champagne glass, alternate mousse and sliced strawberries to create a layered decadent dessert.
TIP: If you use more water this makes a wonderful chocolate sauce to pour over your favorite vegan ice cream or a dipping sauce for fruit.
This recipe was slightly altered from Robyn Boyd’s amazing raw (and some cooked) vegan cookbook, Rawsome Recipes.
XOXOXOXOXOX
BLISS WARRIOR
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IF YOU ENJOYED THIS BLOG, YOU MAY ENJOY READING:
DRINK YOUR VEGETABLES
GET SKINNY WITH BUTTERNUT SQUASH SOUP
SHE SIPS SAKE
GET SKINNY EATING DECADENTLY (with a recipe for vegan chocolate pudding made from fresh coconut)
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HOTEL BLISS UPDATE:
We approved 100 applications to join Hotel Bliss yesterday, and today even more applications were received. The feedback from users has been great and it is wonderful to see so many bi and bi-friendly girls coming together for friendship, fun and empowerment. Want to join the slumber party? E-mail me at bliss@blisswarrior.com. Only e-mails with pictures or a link to a myspace page will be accepted. If you would like to learn more about Hotel Bliss, please CLICK HERE.
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Posted in GUEST BLOGS, NUTRITION, Uncategorized, cheating, dieting, femme, heterosexual, pearls, pregnancy, raw food, recipes, vegan, vegetarian |
FIVE NEGATIVE STEREOTYPES ABOUT BISEXUALS
Written by Miss Bliss on February 18, 2008 – 11:26 am -Dear Miss Bliss,
I don’t know if I would classify myself as bi. I don’t really know what my sexuality is. I am only 22 years old and have been in a serious relationship for the past three years. I knew I was attracted to girls before I met my current boyfriend. I’ve been lucky in the sense that I can talk to my man openly about my bisexual feelings and he understands. His only rule is that he be allowed to participate.
The only problem is I don’t want him to be there when I have my first experience with a girl. A lot of it is my own insecurity and the other part is I want to experience my first time without an audience.
A year ago, I set out to find a girl to explore my curiosity with and - unbelievably - met someone through Craigslist and we really hit it off. When we finally met in person, I couldn’t believe my luck! Not only was she beautiful, we had so much in common, and there was never an awkward silence between the two of us. We knew right away that we could be great friends.
Towards the end of the date, things got very physical. Needless to say, there was a lot of alcohol involved and we weren’t very careful about what we were doing. We were hooking up in her car outside of my apartment and my boyfriend caught us in the act - naked and everything.
Before I continue, you should know that my boyfriend is a very stereotypical Latin man who is jealous, possessive, immature, but also loving and passionate, and he worships the ground I walk on. He was very hurt that I went out with a girl behind his back and it took a long time and a lot of apologizing to get him to forgive me. In the end, he told me that I could no longer see this girl or even talk to her. He even went as far as calling her and telling her to stay away from me. Of course, she got freaked out and we decided to cool it.
It’s been a year and I have not been able to forget her. The whole incident was devastating to me. Ever since then it’s been hard for me go out without my boyfriend without being grilled about the night extensively when I get home.
A lot of time has passed and my desire to be with a woman is overwhelming. I am constantly asking myself if I even want to be with a man at all. When we’re having sex I find myself fantasizing about being with a woman and that’s how I get off! I’ve tried to convince him to let me have a special “friend” on the side but he’s afraid I will leave him for her, so the same first rule applies: only if he’s involved. And I’m still not comfortable with that.
In a few weeks, I will be moving out of our apartment and I am hoping to use that new freedom to explore what it’s like to really be with a woman. I don’t know that it’s fair to stay in a relationship with him knowing that what I really want is a woman’s touch. However - and I know this sounds selfish - I am afraid to break up with him only to realize I can’t find a decent girl.
Can you give me some advice? Also, do you think what I’m doing is wrong?
xoxox
CAUGHT CHEATING IN THE CAR
Darling Caught Cheating,
It’s not often that I feel sorry for the jealous possessive boyfriend, but your letter has made it happen. It is also very rare that an Ask Miss Bliss letter makes me wonder if all of those negative stereotypes about bisexuals may just be true and accurate. Sweet girl, I know you are young, and I am so glad you wrote to me because you may never be a happy bisexual girl unless you make some changes in your behavior.
FIVE NEGATIVE STEREOTYPES ABOUT BISEXUALS THAT YOUR LETTER IS REINFORCING:
1. BISEXUALS ARE CONFUSED
It is fine to be unsure if the labels bi, straight or gay are right for you. However, if you are calling yourself “curious” (and therefore, implying you are bisexual) when you are behaving badly (i.e., lying and cheating on your man) you are teaching him and your lover that bisexuals are liars and cheaters. Stop reinforcing the negative stereotypes we are trying to dismantle and get honest and open in your sexual behavior. There is no need to lie or cheat but you have to be strong to be ethical and honest. Know that the enemy is not your partner wanting to be involved - it is you for not being able to stick to the terms of your relationship!
2. BISEXUALS CANNOT COMMIT
Even though you know that your man is jealous and the two of you have agreed that you will not do anything with a girl “unless he is involved”, you still lie to him. You are not brave enough to break off the relationship to explore your “curiosity” on your own. Instead, you go behind his back on the Internet searching for girls, and even go on a date with a girl and get naked right in front of the apartment you share, and are still mad at him when he can no longer trust you. Do you see how you are reinforcing the negative stereotype that bisexuals cannot be trusted?
3. BISEXUALS THINK BEING WITH A GIRL BEHIND THEIR MAN’S BACK IS NOT CHEATING
Lesbians have a right to be angry and/or suspicious when bisexual woman come on to them in bars because of “curious” girls like you, darling reader. Bi-women who are in serious relationships with men often believe that their man has no right to be jealous when they are with girls because “they wouldn’t leave him for a girl.” Many sincere, kind, sexy lesbians have been toyed around with lying curious-and-not-sure-if-they-are-bi girls who are cheating on men. I am sure your perfect girlfriend was “freaked out” when you’re man called her to tell her to stay away from you - but she was not just freaked out by him. She learned that you were lying to him and to her, and what girl would want to date someone like that? No wonder some lesbians want nothing to do with bi-girls; they have been burned by behavior similar to yours.
4. BI-GIRLS SHOULDN’T HAVE TO INCLUDE THEIR PRIMARY PARTNER
Darling girl, many bi-curious girls say that they want their first time with a girl NOT to involve their partner for two reasons: (1) it is much easier to hook up with a girl when no man is involved, and (2) they do not trust their man enough to share the experience with him. But here, again, is why this type of behavior reinforces negative stereotypes about bisexuals. First, it demonstrates that you do not want to enjoy a lover to DEEPEN your connection with your primary relationship. Second, if your man does not approve of you being alone with a girl for the first time, then anything behind his back is cheating. Just because she is a girl and you think you will not fall in love with her does not make it fair to lie and cheat. What you need to be working on is your relationship with your man. If he will not let you have lovers on the side and you will not include him, then you need to get a therapist and start couples therapy immediately. Or, it may be time to end the relationship because it is obvious you do not respect his needs or his feelings. Don’t reinforce the stereotype that bisexuals cannot have healthy long-term relationships; just get honest.
5. BISEXUALS WANT THEIR CAKE AND TO EAT IT, TOO
According to your letter, you have already had a “first time” with a girl in a car but you now want a second “first time” without your man’s involvement even though you KNOW it will hurt him terribly. In order to do this, you are going to move out of the apartment you share so you will have “easier access” to girls. Well, this is fine except for the fact that you are STILL planning on lying to him because you do not want to end the relationship out of fear of being alone. Darling, this reinforces the stereotype that bisexuals are selfish and only care about their own sexual desires and pleasures. By lying to your man, you are also setting up relationships with women that are based on lies. You WON’T find a healthy relationship with a woman until you are ready to date in an honest and respectful manner.
Darling Reader, there are so many amazing bisexual woman who are honest with themselves, their partners and their lovers. Their lives become happy and drama-free just by being ethical and responsible to the people they love. Be the Bi-Girl You Want to Meet and get honest. It just makes life better and easier.
OXOXOXOXOXOXO
BLISS WARRIOR
Posted in ASK MISS BLISS, BISEXUALITY, IDENTITY, RELATIONSHIPS, SEX, Uncategorized, baby bi-girls, bi-girls, bisexual, bisexual girls, boyfriends, cheating, commitment, communication, couples, craigslist, dating girls, heterosexual, jealousy, lesbian, meeting girls, the first time, undressing girls, virginity |
WAKE ME UP WITH YOUR TONGUE - A FRIDAY NIGHT BEDTIME STORY
Written by Miss Bliss on February 8, 2008 – 4:09 pm -PLEASE NOTE: THIS STORY CONTAINS GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT. IT IS ONLY APPROPRIATE FOR ADULTS OVER THE AGE OF 18.
You’re on your side pretending to sleep; Lisa’s curled around you, moving her hips back and forth, wanting more. One hand touches your shoulder, and fingers crawl down your arm. She explores your naked body in the grey morning light, but she hasn’t given you a reason to get up yet.
You know what she wants, but you pretend not to. You purr a little, and turn to lie on your stomach. “Sweetie,” you say, “it’s way too early.” You aren’t going to make this easy for her.
Lisa changes tactics and straddles your naked back. Licking her tongue down your spine, over your buttocks and tasting your inner thighs, she won’t let you go back to sleep. Although you don’t show it yet, you are delighted by this sexy formerly-straight-now-totally-turned bi-girl.
Her tongue is pressing, discovering, opening your legs as her hand lightly reaches under you and gently taps your clit. Girls are always too gentle the first time they touch another girl. So many guys have ripped them up, making them sore or in pain with their eagerness, that it is no wonder a girl touches another girl with hesitant feather-light fingers.
The tease of her touch makes you expand, get harder, and the frenzy of her tongue behind you, licking you between your buttocks, can no longer be ignored. Your body is responding and doesn’t care how tired you are. Your hips start moving on their own, pressing down on her hand, grinding into the mattress, determined to create more pressure.
But she pulls her hand away, and laughs this deep sexy tropical laugh, and says, “Oh. The kitten doesn’t want to nap anymore.”
You get up on your knees and face her. Her eyes sparkle with delight because she knows she has turned you on. You kiss. “Prepare yourself,” and you push her down on her back.
*********
The night before, you stumbled home drunk on each other’s beauty, and she asked you, “If I wasn’t with you tonight, you’d be with some other girl, right?”
This frustrated you. “Just because I’m bi doesn’t mean I sleep with every girl I meet.”
“You liked her, I could tell.” She meant the tall dark-skinned girl who was flirting with both of you at the club.
“She was sweet, but not my type.”
“You wanted her,” Lisa said with a smile. Another game.
You looked directly into her grey eyes. “I want you. You know I’ve always wanted you.” You kissed her and she wrapped her arms around your waist. “Let’s go back to my place.”
*********
You are dazed by the orgasm she just gave you, but she has no time to linger. “Are you sure you don’t want to get some breakfast?”
“I have to do some work for tomorrow. I need to get an early start.” She is back to her workday self: tense, brusque and super straight.
We hug at the door and for a moment she is the girl you adored this morning. She hugs you slowly, tracing your spine with her fingertips. She says, “You’re amazing.” Her face shifts and the coldness returns. She turns and is gone, down the hallway towards the elevator.
Back in bed you wonder if she’s the type of straight girl that will put last night’s splendor in a box that will never be opened. It could go either way. Some girls have their one bisexual adventure then close the door, happy to return to a straight and “uncomplicated” life. But how could she forget last night?
*********
“Have you ever used a glass dildo?”
“No,” Lisa said, her face relaxed and beautiful. No girl glows like one who just came hard.
“I wish you could see yourself right now.” Naked on her stomach, you study the curve of her behind, more magnificent than any mountain peak. “You are the most beautiful creature.”
“You are.”
“Thank you,” you said. “Turn over. Here’s a pillow, put this under your hips.” She giggled and followed your instructions. You leaned out of bed and pulled a curved glass dildo from the drawer of the nightstand. Grabbing a bottle of lube, you squeezed some gel into your hand and started stroking off the glass cock while warming up the lube. Your eyes were only on her – always on her - her eyes focused on the glass.
“Play with your breasts,” you instructed her and she shyly rubbed her nipples. The dildo was still a little cold and you rubbed its head up and down her shaved and perfect self. At first, she reacted to the cold by moving away from the dildo, but as you continued to run it up and down, her body began to desire its coolness.
“Please,” she asked, wanting you to penetrate her. “I can’t wait any longer.”
But you waited, teasing her with just the tip.
“Is the kitten ready to play,” you asked her.
“Yes,” she said. “Fuck me. Please.”
“Shhh,” you teased, very aware of your power. “If I fuck you now with this glass cock of mine, you’ll have to do something for me.”
“I’ll do anything.” Her face was scrunched in concentration and desire. She was already close and you hadn’t even entered her. You thought, “For a straight girl, this girl is fun.”
“Tomorrow morning, when you wake up, you have to do something for me.”
“Tell me,” she said between pants. “I’ll do anything. I promise.”
“Tomorrow morning, no matter how hard I resist, you have to make me come.”
“I will. I swear. Please, fuck me. I’ll do whatever you want.”
You entered her fast and she gasped, feeling the glass spread her open. The dildo slid in fast and you let it pause deep inside her canal. She took in a breath, and you pulled it out, even faster. You stopped and moved the base of it from the left and the right, pressing it against her vaginal walls. She moaned and said how good it felt. “I can’t believe it. It’s better than a guy.” She said the magic words, the ultimate compliment.
You shifted the dildo again and moved it in a curved motion to put pressure on new places inside her, and again a great moan. “Oh, wow,” she said with big eyes, “Keep doing that. Yes, keep doing just that.” You fucked her in the same motion, now increasing speed while your left hand put pressure on her clit. Breathing faster, you followed her motion, the two of you riffing on each other’s rhythms, becoming one person.
“I’m really close,” she said, and you moved the dildo around in a wide circle, occasionally thrusting it into her hard, to surprise her, to jolt her body into a deeper place. This would be the greatest orgasm this girl ever had and you were proud, because it was given to her not by a man, but by you.
“Are you ready to come?”
“Yes.”
With both hands on the dildo, you fucked her fast and deep. “Touch yourself,” you instructed her and she rubbed herself rough and hard. She was so close and her pleasure exploded inside your brain, making you feel like you were close to coming, too, even though she hadn’t touched you at all. Her thighs started to shake, tears rolled out of her eyes, and she said, “I didn’t know. I had no idea. I never knew it could be this good.”
Holding her in your arms, you said, “Don’t forget your promise tomorrow morning.”
She whispered, “Nothing could make me forget.”
XOXOXOXOXOX
BLISS WARRIOR
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IF YOU ENJOYED THIS FRIDAY NIGHT BEDTIME STORY, YOU MAY ENJOY OTHER EROTIC FICTION BY BW:
ONE FRENCH AFTERNOON
WALKING HOME IN HER PANTIES
LEARNING TO LOVE STRAP-ONS
YOU MADE MY BRAIN COME
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Posted in BISEXUALITY, EROTIC FICTION, FRIDAY NIGHT BEDTIME STORIES, SEX, baby bi-girls, bi-girls, bisexual, bisexual girls, dating girls, girls kissing, glass dildos, heterosexual, lubrication, sex toys |
SHE’S A PERFECT GENTLEMAN & SHE’S PACKIN’
Written by Miss Bliss on January 29, 2008 – 3:07 pm -
“I dated the cutest butch girl,” Melissa says with a smile. “I’m a girly-girl and usually into feminine women, but this girl was so hot.”
It is a cool winter morning in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and five beautiful bisexual women have gathered for brunch, community, and conversation. This brunch is notable because this is the first brunch where all the attendees are experienced bi-girls with many stories to share.
“She really is the cutest lesbian I’ve ever seen,” says Melissa’s friend, Kairrie, a joyful and sparkling blonde. “When this girl goes out with us to a bar or a club, she wears a full tuxedo with a bow-tie and everything. But, what kills us, is she has the whole boy look from the hair, the clothes, the shoes… but, she wears full make-up. She’s the cutest boy and the cutest girl at the same time.”
Jackie has long blonde hair that pours down her back and cleavage artfully accentuated in a black plunging neckline. “God, what is up with the girls who wrap up their boobs and squash them down? I’m like, ‘You’re such a beautiful woman! Don’t hide your gorgeous breasts!’”
Kairrie looks down at Jackie’s bountiful chest, and says with a flirtatious giggle, “Goodness, speaking of gorgeous breasts…”
“Why thank you,” Jackie says.
“But it wasn’t just the tuxedo that made this girl so hot,” Melissa steers the conversation back to her original story. “Whenever we went out, she was the perfect gentleman. She opened every door, pulled out every chair, and wouldn’t let me pay for a thing. Not even a drink at the bar.”
“You haven’t told the best part,” Kairrie says. “When this girl went out, she was always packin’.”
“What does ‘packin’ mean,” asks Geneva, another fiercely intelligent, long-haired beauty.
“It means she goes out with a dildo in her underwear, right,” I ask. “They sell flaccid dildos now at sex stores for girls who want to go out with a special secret.”
“Oh, but this wasn’t flaccid,” says Melissa. “She didn’t just drop a dildo into her panties and go. She wore her strap-on and was ready to take me whenever she wanted.”
“It was erect,” I ask. “How’d she wear that thing around without poking into people?”
“She wore it down her left pant leg, so when we danced together, I could feel how hard she was for me.”
“Really,” I asked shocked. “She could dance with a strap-on?”
“She’s an amazing girl,” says Melissa.
“Speaking of butch lesbians,” says Jackie. “My Mom is uptight. She knows I’m a bi-swinger, and that’s fine with her, she just doesn’t want to know anything about it. That’s fine, but sometimes, what you don’t know can get you into trouble. My mom is really active as a referee for softball, basketball, and soccer and she’s straight.”
“Wait,” I say, “you said she’s a softball referee and isn’t lesbian?”
“Nope. The rest of them are, but she is not. She’s cool with lesbians and everything, but doesn’t know a thing about lesbian culture. That’s fine, except her ignorance almost got her into trouble. One night after the game, the lesbians ask my mom to join them for a drink. They go out drinking and when they are about to leave the bar, they ask my mom if she’d like to come home with them and make a Daisy Chain.”
The table erupts in laughter. “Does your mom know what a Daisy Chain is?”
“Nooooo,” Jackie says emphatically. “She has no idea it’s an invitation to a sex party.”
“Did she go,” I ask.
“Oh my God,” says Kairrie, “can you imagine?”
“Oh, no. She had to get up early for work the next morning, so she excused herself. But the next day she calls me and asks me what a Daisy Chain is. My jaw drops to the floor. I ask her why she wants to know, and she tells me the whole story. I cannot stop laughing. ‘What does it mean,’ she asks, and I say, ‘Are you certain you want to know?’ Because I am honest and I will tell her the truth but only if she really wants to hear it. She says, ‘Tell me,’ so I say, ‘Well, Mom, all the girls get around in a circle and each girl pleasures the next girl and no one is left out.’”
“What did your mom say,” I ask.
“‘She said, ‘Oh, I thought they were going to make baskets or garden or something…’”
We laugh and the conversation continues as Kairrie goes to the counter to get us another round of chai lattes.
XOXOXOOXXO
BLISS WARRIOR
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IF YOU ENJOYED THIS BLOG, YOU MAY ENJOY READING…
STRAP-ON SOME ETIQUETTE
BE THE BI-GIRL YOU WANT TO MEET
I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE
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Dearest Bliss Warriors,
So sorry I was unable to post yesterday. I am in New Mexico and altitude sickness knocked me out yesterday. Now, I’m drinking water and feeling much better. xoxoxoxo BW
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THIS SATURDAY NIGHT WE ARE GOING DANCING IN LOS ANGELES.
WANT TO JOIN US? EMAIL ME AT BLISS@BLISSWARRIOR.COM.
Posted in BISEXUALITY, BLISSWARRIOR NEWS, IDENTITY, SEX, bi-girls, bisexual, bisexual girls, brunch, butch, daisy chains, dating, dating girls, daughters, family, femme, friends, fun, group sex, heterosexual, lesbian, oral sex, panties, santa fe, sex toys, strap-on dildos |
MY MOM OUTED ME OVER THANKSGIVING DINNER
Written by Miss Bliss on January 24, 2008 – 2:03 pm -BRUNCH STORIES FROM MIAMI PART II
“I have two friends who are bisexual - they really wanted to come today but had other obligations - but they are going to be sad they missed this.”
Five brilliant, beautiful bi-girls have gathered together on a Saturday morning for brunch, community and friendship. The sun is bright in South Beach, Miami, and the art deco diner is full of people. In a large circular corner booth we share cocktails and stories.
“You have two bisexual friends,” Bianca asks. “Gosh, I don’t know anyone who’s bi.”
“Well, actually,” Nikki says in a sexy tone, “awhile ago, my friends and I created a scale to determine how bisexual we really are. We were drinking and it was late, and I don’t know how it came up, but we decided to make a scale from 1 to 10. 1 being completely heterosexual, 10 being completely gay. So, a five is someone who is truly right-down-the-middle, has no gender preference, bisexual.”
“Okay,” says Marina with a smile, “so what number are you?”
Nikki laughs, “I am a 7. Meaning, more often I’m attracted to girls, but I still like boys. One friend was an 8 the other decided she’s a 5.5. Now, we don’t know what that .5 means, but she certainly seemed to!”
“I wonder what number I am,” muses Bianca. “Can you know if you haven’t been with a girl yet?”
“Maybe you’re a 5.5, too,” I joke and the girls laugh.
“Oh my God, you guys, I have some big news to share.” The table quiets and focuses the attention back on Nikki’s beguiling smile. “A couple of months ago, I came out to my mother.”
“Wow. How did it go,” I ask.
“Great. She says, ‘I pretty much guessed it already’, then she goes and tells me all of these examples from childhood that showed I had ‘tendencies’” The table laughs. “She was really great about it, and she’s my best friend, so it just felt really good to tell her.”
“That is so impressive to me,” I say. “I haven’t come out to my parents, but I think I’m getting closer.”
“The funny thing is, over Thanksgiving, Mom outs me to the entire family.”
“What,” says Bianca.
“You were there,” asks Marina.
“No, thank God! But I guess Mom was just so excited to have a not-straight daughter that over turkey and potatoes she let it drop. I can only imagine her there, saying, ‘Oh, and now that you are all here, guess what? Nikki’s bisexual.’”
“What did your family do?”
“They might have been surprised but everyone’s fine with it now.”
“Your Mom is amazing,” Bianca says.
I say, “That is so sweet that she is so proud of you and who you are.”
“Yes,” Nikki says, “I am really lucky.”
XOXOXOXOXOXO
BLISS WARRIOR
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IF YOU ENJOYED THIS BLOG, YOU MAY ENJOY READING:
I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE
MY FIRST DATE WITH A GIRL
BE THE BI-GIRL YOU WANT TO MEET
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BLISS WARRIOR IS BRUNCHING IN SANTA FE, NEW MEXICO
THIS SUNDAY AT 11 AM
WE ALREADY HAVE 5 GORGEOUS GIRLS COMING
FOR FRIENDSHIP AND CONVERSATION.
EMAIL ME AT BLISS@BLISSWARRIOR.COM TO JOIN US!
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Posted in BISEXUALITY, BLISSWARRIOR NEWS, IDENTITY, RELATIONSHIPS, baby bi-girls, bi-girls, bisexual, bisexual girls, brunch, coming out, daughters, family, friends, heterosexual, lesbian, meeting girls, miami |
BISEXUALS ARE NO LONGER CONFUSED
Written by Miss Bliss on January 23, 2008 – 3:20 pm -Last week, the American Psychological Association announced the findings that bisexual women are not “confused”, or in a transitional phase to become lesbian. According to Lisa Diamond, an associate professor of psychology and gender studies at the University of Utah, the bisexual identity is a stable sexual preference and bi women continue to be attracted to both men and women over time.
Now, I know it comes as no surprise to my readers that bi-girls enjoy a sexual orientation that differs from heterosexuals and lesbians, but for the mainstream media, this is a breakthrough. Except for the Kinsey Institute at San Diego State University, there has been little research on bisexual men, and even less on bisexual women. This is the first qualitative, longitudinal study on female bisexuality.
According to USA Today, “Diamond conducted face-to-face interviews around New York state in 1995, when the women (who identified as lesbian, bisexual or unlabeled, but not heterosexual) were ages 18-25. She then spoke with them by phone every two years [for a period of ten years].”
Here are the findings Diamond discovered:
1. BISEXUALITY IS A STABLE IDENTITY
Bi women were more likely to switch between the identities of “bisexual” and/or “unlabeled” than call themselves “lesbian” or “heterosexual”. This is important because it demonstrates that bi-girls in college are not going through a “phase” or a “gateway period” to become lesbians or heterosexuals. If they identified themselves as bi in college or in their early 20s, they continue to identify as bisexual or unlabeled throughout their life, even if they marry men.
2. STRAIGHT GIRLS MAY EXPERIMENT WITH SAME-SEX RELATIONS,
BUT THEY DON’T IDENTIFY AS BI
Some heterosexual girls may experiment with their sexuality during college, playing around with girls and boys, but they tend to identify as “heterosexual” and do not identify as bisexual. So if you are a bi-girl and wondering if the girl who wants to make out with you in a bar is really just a straight girl pulling your chain, you may just want to ask her if she considers herself “hetero”. If she does, she may not be the right girl for you!
3. BI-WOMEN ARE CAPABLE OF LONG-TERM, COMMITTED RELATIONSHIPS
When someone claims a bi-girl is incapable of committing to one partner, or will sleep with anything that moves, throw these statistics from salon.com back in their face: “The study found that not only were bi women capable of long-term, committed, monogamous relationships, but by the end of the study a greater percentage of bisexual (89 percent) and unlabeled (85 percent) women were in relationships than their lesbian (70 percent) or heterosexual (67 percent) counterparts.” So, being bi might just make you the BEST candidate for a long-term relationship.
Of course, more research needs to be done. Only 79 women participated in the study and the majority were white middle-class women. But the findings seem to accurately describe the marvelous female bisexuals I have known, so I applaud Ms. Diamond’s work.
Last week, The View discussed this study and some Bliss Girls saw it and wrote to me. The news media is still not comfortable believing that a bi-girl who marries a man is still bisexual. They want to argue that the girl has “become straight” and left that part of herself behind. Some bi-girls do find a man and have monogamous relationships, but they still identify as bisexual or unlabeled because they have not turned “hetero”; they have simply found the partner that is right for them. It is the same for bi women in committed lesbian relationships. For a bisexual, the gender is secondary, the person primary. I look forward to the study that demonstrates this truth to the media and the larger culture.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
BLISS WARRIOR
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IF YOU ENJOYED THIS BLOG, YOU MAY ENJOY READING:
ASK MISS BLISS - HOW DO I KNOW IF I’M BI?
ASK MISS BLISS - MARRIED TO A MAN AND IN LOVE WITH A WOMAN
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LOS ANGELES BI-GIRL DANCE PARTY IS POSTPONED UNTIL FEB. 2ND
Darling LA Bliss Warriors… I have to go to New Mexico earlier than I thought, and Miss Tiger is swamped at work, as well. Organizing events takes a lot of time and patience, and this week we just can’t do it! But never fear, we will be out on the floor bringing the bi-girl magic next week. I hope you all come! I’ve missed my LA goddesses!!!!
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HAVE A QUESTION FOR MISS BLISS? EMAIL ME AT BLISS@BLISSWARRIOR.COM
HAVE A BI EVENT YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO PROMOTE? EMAIL ME!
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Posted in BISEXUALITY, IDENTITY, RELATIONSHIPS, bi-girls, bisexual, bisexual girls, commitment, couples, heterosexual, lesbian, marriage, monogamy, news articles, unlabeled |
ASK MISS BLISS - SHE’S 12 YEARS YOUNGER & MAKING ME JEALOUS
Written by Miss Bliss on January 17, 2008 – 7:28 am -Dear Miss Bliss,
I am a 37-year-old bi woman who has been in two marriages lasting over 16 years. I am openly dating women and currently have an odd situation I need advice about.
I am dating a woman who is 12 years younger than me who has only been with one woman and two men in her life. Her friends and family don’t know about me and she lives with her best friend of nine years. She admits to having a thing for her roommate/best friend, and I am the jealous type. They have heavy make-out sessions but it has never progressed as she says her roomie isn’t into women.
No one she knows has a clue about us. I’m afraid that if the roommate finds out about us that she may decide that she DOES like girls and take it to the next level and I will be out in the cold.
I just need your advice, Bliss Baby!
XOXOXOXOX
The Jealous Type
Dear Jealous Type,
DOES AGE DIFFERENCE MATTER IN A RELATIONSHIP?
More and more women are dating both men and women many years older and many years younger than themselves. I consider this progress because some twenty-somethings are much more mature than others their age, and some thirty, forty and fifty-somethings are much younger. My husband and I have had marvelous relationships with women ten years younger and ten years older. So, to me, it is not important that she is younger than you are.
LACK OF SEXUAL EXPERIENCE
Your girl’s lack of sexual experience may be more of an issue than her age. Unlike you, who had two marriages and presumably more experiencing dating, she does not necessarily know how to communicate well with a partner. Have compassion for her negotiating a new bisexual identity, and know that when newly dating, a girl can make mistakes. You can be the example of how a respectful partner nurtures the relationship and she can learn from you.
IF THE ROOMMATE MAKES OUT WITH GIRLS, SHE’S INTO GIRLS
I am not sure if you and your girlfriend have discussed being monogamous, or made any commitments to one another. But for her to tell you not to be jealous when she makes out with her roommate because she is “not into girls”, is absolutely ridiculous. If your girl’s tongue is down her friend’s throat every now and then, the roommate is into girls.
SHE IS NOT TREATING YOU WITH RESPECT
I understand that many bi-women are afraid to come out to their parents and friends, and many never do because they feel they do not have to. Thanks to the heterosexual cloaking device, many bisexuals only share who they are dating with loved ones when they are dating someone of the opposite sex and having a “normal” hetero relationship. The problem here, however, is nobody knows about your relationship and this can easily make you feel threatened. You are right to be concerned about the roommate not knowing about you. Feelings of jealousy are completely natural in this scenario because you know your girlfriend is hiding your relationship, so what else is she hiding? It is good that she is honest with you about her attraction to her roommate, but she has created a scenario where you are left feeling insecure and disrespected.
WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP DO YOU WANT?
Darling girl, the question you need to ask yourself is, what kind of relationship do you want? A secret affair with a girl with no strings attached? That is what you have now and to continue it, you may need to release jealous feelings and know that the relationship will last as long as it lasts. If you want a committed relationship with a woman, you may have to seek that elsewhere or have constructive conversations with your girl about the relationship you desire. Like men, if the woman has not said that you are exclusively her girlfriend, you are dating and there is no serious commitment. So if you really are the jealous type, a change has to be made. Either you accept that she likes dating you and fooling around with friends, or you change it.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
BLISS WARRIOR
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IF YOU ENJOYED THIS BLOG, YOU MAY ALSO LIKE READING:
ASK MISS BLISS - MY HUSBAND’S JEALOUS
ASK MISS BLISS - TORN BETWEEN LOVERS
ASK MISS BLISS - MAKE MY BRAIN COME
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BLISS IS IN MIAMI. LADIES COMING TO BRUNCH THIS SATURDAY, I WILL EMAIL YOU ALL THE LOCATION LATER TONIGHT! IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO JOIN US FOR BRUNCH THIS SATURDAY IN MIAMI FOR FRIENDSHIP AND CONVERSATION, EMAIL ME AT BLISS@BLISSWARRIOR.COM.
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HAVE A QUESTION FOR ASK MISS BLISS?
EMAIL ME AT BLISS@BLISSWARRIOR.COM
Posted in ASK MISS BLISS, BISEXUALITY, IDENTITY, RELATIONSHIPS, SEX, baby bi-girls, bi-girls, bisexual, bisexual girls, coming out, communication, dating, dating girls, friends, girls kissing, heterosexual, jealousy, kissing, lovers, women |
ASK MISS BLISS - HOW DO I KNOW IF I’M BI?
Written by Miss Bliss on November 14, 2007 – 12:09 am -Dear Miss Bliss,
How do you know when you are truly bi? I mean, how do you know when it first began? I had an experience when I was really young, about 7 or 8 years old. My best friend lived across the street from me and we would spend the night at each other’s houses. Anyway, when we spent the night together, we’d sleep together in either my bed or her bed. During the night, we would “play” with each other. I am trying to figure out if that was the beginning of my bisexuality or was it just because I was so young and curious and loved the feelings I was experiencing down there? I have always felt an attraction to girls and women since then, but never really thought about it too much. I always dated men and then got married. So…I guess I’m trying to figure out when and how it all started, and if the play with my friend was simply because I was so young and figuring out how things work down there?
XOXOXOXO
Curious About Being Bi
Dear Curious,
A dear friend of mine in Hawaii believes all women are bi or have bisexual tendencies. Of course, I also have a lesbian friend who thinks that bigirls are really gay, but too afraid to come out and risk the protection dating men gives them.
HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU IF YOU ARE BISEXUAL?
1. YOU MAKE LOVE TO MEN AND WOMEN
Obviously, if you are dating both men and women, you are bisexual. Some women who have been in lesbian relationships for decades, still say they are bi because they have loved men in their past. The same goes for women in monogamous heterosexual relationships who loved women previously. If loving the person comes first, and their gender is not an issue for you, you are definitely bi.
2. YOU DATE MEN, HAVEN’T BEEN WITH GIRLS, BUT KNOW YOU’RE BI
Many women on Bliss Warrior are dating or married to men and have never been with a woman. Even though they are “bi-virgins”, they are certain that they want to make love to a woman and often, their sexual fantasies involve girls. With their partners, they are seeking a lover or flirting with girls and know that soon their fantasy will become a reality.
The key here is that if you know you are bisexual, you are, no matter who your sexual partners have been. Your sexual identity is your choice, so if it feels right, true, and good to tell the world you are bi, do it.
IS SEXUAL PLAY AMONG CHILDHOOD FRIENDS A SIGN YOU ARE BI?
Girls often learn about sex and explore sexual feelings with their childhood friends, as do boys. This is completely normal, and not necessarily a sign of future “gayness”. When I was in fifth grade, I threw a birthday party just for girls. The parents were downstairs and we were safely locked inside of my bedroom. Someone suggested we play spin-the-bottle and whoever the bottle landed on, would have to take off a piece of clothing. After the bottle spun and spun, us girls were left only wearing our knickers. One girl became shy and asked if we could turn off the lights before we continued the last round of our game. I turned off the lights and again the bottle was spun until every girl was naked.
Someone suggested we play music and dance, so I turned on Olivia Newton-John’s, Let’s Get Physical, and we danced and danced, naked in the dark. No one touched one another, but the air was alive with erotic energy. We danced until my mom knocked on the door and told us the party was ending. Dressing quickly, we smiled at each other knowing we had done something “bad” and gotten away with it.
At other slumber parties we played spin the bottle but instead of stripping, we would kiss, the intention being that we were “practicing” to kiss boys. At the time, I did not know I was into women. I was very interested in kissing and dating boys and felt that the sexual play with girls was a way to prepare to be with boys in the future.
So, my darling reader, if you believe that touching your sweet childhood friend was when you became a bi-girl, then that is your truth. If you are unsure about your sexual identity, feel good knowing that many girls play with their childhood friends to explore sex. It is natural and you have no reason to feel ashamed.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
BLISS
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Posted in ASK MISS BLISS, BISEXUALITY, IDENTITY, RELATIONSHIPS, SEX, bi-girls, bisexual, bisexual girls, coming out, dating girls, group sex, heterosexual, kissing, lesbian, lovers, virginity |