ASK MISS BLISS - BI-BOY CAUGHT KISSING BY HIS COWORKERS

Written by Miss Bliss on October 21, 2008 – 9:49 am -

Hi Bliss,

I was wondering of you had some advice…

I made a careless mistake a few weeks back. A friend of mine set me up on a date, and to my surprise, people I work with were at the same bar. I had no idea, and they saw my date and I kiss at the end of the night, so I kind of “outed” myself as a bisexual man to my coworkers. Now there are rumors spreading like wildfire around the office and I’m not sure what to do next.

A few weeks have passed, but the gossiping is still going strong. Some of the people I would go to happy hour with after work are no longer interested in going, and a few people are now trying to set me up with their gay friends. Some “friends” have also decided to introduce me to others with a sexual orientation attached.

Something that is also interesting, I told two girlfriends of mine I was bi. One girl is a lesbian and the other is straight, and they both think I’m gay, and guys can not be bisexual and they have distanced themselves, as well. I know what you are thinking, “then they weren’t really my friends” which is cool with me, but it is frustrating.

In my personal experience, more than 75% of the women, and 90% of the men I have discussed this with, think that men cannot be bisexual, and use the word “bisexual” as a term to ease people into the reality of them being gay. One point a female coworker attempted to make to me, is that she would never date a bisexual guy because she thinks he will cheat on her with another man, and when I asked her what would keep a bisexual women from cheating on a man with another women, she told me guys are different.

Thanks,
Bi and No One Believes Me

Dearest Bi and No One Believes Me -

The sad thing is MOST people don’t believe bisexuality exists in men or women. “It’s a phase,” they say, that either ends in marriage (so you are now “straight”) or in a gay relationship (so you are now “gay.”)

It is even harder in our current culture for bi-men to gain respect than bi-women because bi-women are fetishized in porn, advertising and media - which to straight people makes them seem “truly bi”. But when a man is interested in another man (even if he generally dates women - or consistently continues to love women) he is gay.

1. ARE YOU READY TO BE A LEADER?
So, my dear man, it seems you are potentially in a position of leadership. Are you ready to be the bi man in the office? The bi man in your friends’ lives? Are you ready to continue to remind others that you are NOT gay but truly bi and proud?

2. SOMETIMES THE UNIVERSE ENCOURAGES US TO COME OUT
Sometimes the universe places us in a situation where we have to come out. Circumstances have forced you to face your bisexuality in your office. Sure, some people will not invite you to happy hour for awhile. Keep doing what you are doing. Keep being you. Do you have a close friend in the office? Someone you can go out drinking with until others come around? With one friend, it’s a lot easier to go through this kind of storm.

3. IT IS ONLY THROUGH KNOWING BISEXUALS THAT STRAIGHT FOLKS LEARN THEY ARE “REAL”
Unfortunately, many women - even bisexual women - do not necessarily believe there are male bisexuals. One of my dear friends is a bi boy. I recently introduced him to a fab writer friend of mine. They became fast close friends and she began introducing him to her friends as her “Number One Gay”. He was naturally upset by this because she was denying his bisexuality. Each time she said it, he continued to correct her saying, “No, I am bi.” So now when she introduces him to her friends she tells this story and ends on, “He’s my Number One Bi.” It took awhile, but thanks to my friend for standing strong and being proud, one more person knows that bi men really do exist.

We are all fighting to be seen and understood. When one of us is outed - even in a humiliating way - it is for a reason. Even though it can feel uncomfortable and embarrassing, it feels better to live honestly. It feels wonderful when you can say, “Yes, I am bi and it is wonderful.” Keep being proud of who you are. The others will come around.

XOXOXOXOXOX
BLISS WARRIOR
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IF YOU ENJOYED READING THIS BLOG, YOU MAY ENJOY READING:
ASK MISS BLISS - WHEN SHOULD A NEW BI-BI COUPLE BRING IN A BOY?
ASK MISS BLISS - FIVE NEGATIVE STEREOTYPES ABOUT BISEXUALS
ASK MISS BLISS - HE DOESN’T BELIEVE I’M COMMITTED
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Posted in ASK MISS BLISS, BISEXUALITY, RELATIONSHIPS, SEX, Uncategorized, bi-boys, bi-phobia, bisexual, coming out, dating girls, web chat |

ASK MISS BLISS - SHE DISAPPEARED WITHOUT A WORD

Written by Miss Bliss on January 9, 2008 – 6:37 am -

Dear Miss Bliss,

Several months ago, I met a girl from Craigslist. We hit it off and we were both attracted to each other. We were alike in that we’re both bi, femme, artistic, and “closeted” so we understood each other’s need for privacy. Since we never hung out together during the day doing regular daytime activities, I wouldn’t call what we had a “friends with benefits” type of relationship, but we’d call or text each other whenever one of us was in need of soft and sensual female companionship. We saw each other for several months and she was really sweet. Although she had a lot of drama going on in her life, she’d always text message me saying how she wanted to see me, or just to say “how are you” and ask how things were going. We were like secret friends: we’d meet at night, talk, cuddle, kiss… I felt like a little girl again keeping secrets from the rest of the world by meeting her at night to indulge in our fantasies.

It’s been a month since I last heard from her, and for the life of me, I can’t figure out what I might have done or said to make her have a change of heart. We never said if we were seeing other girls, although I assume she must have been in hindsight. Even still, I don’t understand how she could go from frequent messaging to no contact at all. I feel like a fool and am a little hurt.

If I hadn’t met her on Craigslist, I never would’ve guessed she was bi because she looks very straight. Is it possible to look TOO straight or too innocent and wholesome? I think I look really straight, and I know everyone thinks I’m younger than I really am. I don’t have any problems attracting men, but when it comes to girls, I feel like I’m not pretty enough and that I’m not attractive enough for them.

I don’t want this to bother me, but as much as I hate to admit it, it does. Why do you think she disappeared?

xoxoxo
Missing My Secret Friend

Dear Missing,

I am deeply grateful to know that there are still innocent, young and wholesome girls on Craigslist. Even better, there are two wholesome girls on Craigslist who found each other and got to spend months delighting one another with sweet messages and warm curled bodies. Unfortunately, lack of direct communication and a bit of insecurity probably led this delightful sensuous friendship on a path to a bad outcome.

COMMUNICATION IN LOVE AFFAIRS IS ESSENTIAL
I personally do not like the terms “fuck buddies” or “friends with benefits”. Although they do describe a relationship accurately, I would rather find a lover and have a love affair… but that is just me! You were having a “sensual” affair and enjoying the secret that only you knew: you, the straightest-seeming girl in the world, had found a lover! But for some reason, you two were not communicating well.

GIRLS WITH DRAMA ATTRACT DRAMA
Lovely girl, the minute you wrote that your friend had “a lot of drama” going on, I knew what one of the problems may be. Girls with stress, anxiety, insecurity, chaos and craziness in their lives are not the girls to get involved with sexually and emotionally. If she already has drama in her life, she will attract more drama, and that drama, unfortunately, will eventually involve you.

DO NOT CREATE UNNECESSARY DRAMA
I do not know why you assume in hindsight she had other female lovers. Be careful not to create drama that is not there. Just because she disappeared does not necessarily mean she was seeing another girl.

LOOKING YOUNG IS NEVER A BAD THING
Alright. I think you are the first girl to ever worry about looking too young. Take time today to enjoy how fresh and youthful you are, and make sure to be grateful for the amazing genes you have. Know that you will only become more grateful as you enter your 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond!

ALL GIRLS ARE INSECURE

Every girl worries that she will be the girl no other girl will be attracted to. We are taught from an early age to compete with one another; we are trained to size each other up and decide who is prettier, thinner, more popular, and sexier. Because of this toxic behavior, we all have a part of ourselves that is insecure, especially around other women. What helps us is remembering that other girls feel the same way, so we need to communicate actively how beautiful, sexy, fit and wonderful they are. When we make another girl feel valued and adored, we also feel more attractive and secure.

INSECURE GIRLS ACT LIKE CRAZY GIRLS
We all know that when we are feeling insecure, we do not act our best. I think your lovely girl disappeared because she was too insecure to communicate with you directly. Maybe she wanted the relationship to go deeper than you did. Maybe her “drama” got too overwhelming and she got swallowed up in it. Maybe she was getting to attached to you or worried that you were too attached to her.

The point is, it does not really matter why she disappeared. It was wrong of her to hurt you without communicating why she could no longer continue the friendship. Allow yourself to feel the hurt, but move on. There are plenty of other amazing girls out there that are ready to be direct and upfront with you and treat you like a lover should be treated.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
BLISS

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IF YOU ENJOYED THIS BLOG, YOU MAY ENJOY READING:
ADVICE FOR BABY BI-GIRLS PART 1 -FINDING A FEMALE LOVER
ASK MISS BLISS - SHE TIED ME UP, TOOK MY PICTURE & TOOK OFF
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Posted in ASK MISS BLISS, BISEXUALITY, RELATIONSHIPS, bi-girls, bisexual, bisexual girls, cuddling, dating girls, flirting, fun, love affairs, lovers |